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3 Words: Matt Roth

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Time to dial the Wayback Machine to where the Legend of Matt Roth really took off: this pitch-perfect Kenny Mayne report about the Iowa Hawkeyes, Ben Roethlisberger, and numbers of words. We would apologize for the video quality, but we didin't upload the thing. Therefore, we demand an immediate and sincere apology from Mr. "ICCSnaredrummer," if that even is his real name.

 

This video is important not for the fact that it's the last time anybody would hear from Jovon Johnson, but because Ben Roethlisberger was just handed a civil suit for sexual assault. One totally unbiased source with the not-at-all-creepy name "Backseat Cuddler" said this (bolded emphasis ours, because it's so true, people, so true):

Ben is facing a mountain of allegations including  civil counts of assault, sexual assault and battery, false imprisonment, false pretenses, fraud, and intentional infliction of emotional distress.  All of which is total BS!

I,  being a HUGE Steelers fan don’t believe it for a second. Not until I see some solid proof. Ben is not that kind of guy. He doesn’t need to assault women. He can get any woman he wants. The Steelers organization is supporting him as well. (As they should.)

 

I sort of feel bad about using BHGP to drive traffic to a trainwreck of an article like that, but he submitted it to Fark with the following headline:

BREAK NEWS Steelers QB Big Ben Roethlisberger SEXUAL Assault SCANDAL

BREAK NEWS! BREAK NEWS! BREAK NEWS!