Marc Additionalhabitation posted a note about ESPN's College Football Live 50 States Tour today, where--as I'm sure you've already figured out--they take their show to each of the fifty states. In addition, they have on one scheduled guest representing each state's college football legacy. So far, the first week has Michigan with Desmond Howard and Charles Woodson (two guests? Cheaters), Tennessee with Peyton Manning (Tee Martin would have been better), Delaware and New Jersey sharing Joe Flacco, Oregon with Mike Belotti, and Oklahoma with Barry Sanders.
All of those seem perfectly reasonable, although we wonder why they couldn't find a single Sooner to replace Sanders; Barry's a legend, but hardly a stellar interview. How bout the Boz, huh? Gimme the Boz! (We secretly want this so Bo Jackson can run him over mid-sentence).
So here's where it gets fun: who do they get to host for Iowa? Yes, it's for the entire state, but let's be honest: there's no freaking way they choose an ISU product (though we're sure Troy Davis has lots of time on his hands right now). So far, it looks like it's all former players, save Belotti, a former coach. All of them are pretty high-profile, even quasi-NFL bust Desmond Howard. Let's brainstorm this, shall we?
Aaron Kampman: Iowa native, pretty high-profile NFL player. We might be able to work in the Aplington-Parkersburg disaster, but A) this is about college football, not HS; B) that's kinda so last year.
Bob Sanders: One of the most dominant defenders in Iowa history, still killing it with the Colts. But have you ever seen an interview with him? I'm not saying that as a veiled shot at his speaking ability; I'm saying that because I don't think I've ever seen an interview with him.
Tim Tebow: Hey, why not.
Kirk Ferentz: If they expand their pool of guests to current coaches, you'd think Ferentz is the obvious answer for the state of Iowa, but you'd think ESPN wants to stay away from endorsing current members of programs. Then again, Mike Belotti's still the AD at Oregon. Who knows?
Tim Dwight: Another local kid who's totally synonymous with college football in the state of Iowa. His national star might not be bright enough for the ESPN stage; so far, none of the scheduled guests fall into that "who? oh yeah, that guy, I think I remember him" category that I think Dwight would. Still, ESPN could do a lot worse.
Nile Kinnick: In a stunning turn of events, Nile reveals the fact that he faked his death 58 years ago and has been living comfortably with his longtime bride that he met in Venezuela during training. He says he's quite sorry about wrecking that airplane and wonders why we still haven't painted that goddamn water tower.
Chuck Long: Another famous Hawkeye, but went off to coach elsewhere and just got sacked at SDSU. Not really synonymous with Iowa college football anymore.
Bret Bielema: On one hand, absolutely not. But on the other, wouldn't it be kind of funny to see Badger fans' reaction to this? He's already losing popularity on account of not winning 10 games every single year, and that tattoo still grates at Wisconsin fans' nerves; why not twist the knife a little deeper and have him rep the state one more time?
Jim Walden: Hahahahahaha.
Dan McCarney: HAHAHAHAHA.
Gene Chizik: BAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Paul Rhoads: OH GOD STOP I CAN'T BREATHE AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hayden Fry: Hey, if the old man's up for it, this is absolutely the top choice. He basically saved college football in this state and has one of the most impressive coaching trees in college football history. Again, he's getting up there in years and he has earned a peaceful retirement, but if he feels like coming back into town and telling a few stories, he'll be greeted like a king.
Kurt Warner: You fuckers had better not.
As always, your suggestions are welcome below.