#2 SEED: J LEMAN
Tournament bid: Awarded by Congress (at gunpoint)
Pros
- The patron saint of BHGP
- Big Ten Network hero
- Loves America
- Loves Freedom
- Saved America at the China Olympics
- Defeated Ron Zook's nefarious plot
Cons
- Was mind-controlled by Ron Zook of all people
Statement
Hey.
Hey.
What's going on? You guys can't talk to each other in the statements.
Sounds like you're trying to restrict my First Amendment rights.
Wait, no, no, that's not what I
Sounds like you're anti-Freedom.
Oh, shit, God no.
Let's take this to your statement, Other Secretary. Maybe we'll get a little peace and quiet.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
God damn it.
#7 SEED: OTHER SECRETARY
Tournament bid: Title IX
Pros
- Hot in that ethnically ambiguous way
- Ended Ron Zook's reign of libidinous terror in Champaign
Cons
- Couldn't put the phone down to save her life
Statement
So...?
You saved my life, Other Secretary. And here we are, pitted against each other.
I know, J. It seems so unfair.
Guys, you can't
We can't what? Peaceably assemble? You sure about that, Hitler?
GOD DAMN IT.
I have an idea, Other Secretary. It's you and me against the world.
If I may, J. Bylaws state that you have to have a first round opponent.
I got this one, Mr. Leman. Here's an old friend we can go against.
#7 SEED: DANCING LEBRON INSURANCE ADVICE
Pros, Cons, Statement
Good call, baby.
Thanks, Mr. Leman.
No, baby. Call me J.
(blushes)
J LEMAN AND OTHER SECRETARY HAVE JOINED FORCES AND ARE NOW FACING DANCING LEBRON INSURANCE ADVICE.
(sniffle)