SEED #3: JAMIE POLLARD
Tournament bid: Consolation prize in Gene Chizik sweepstakes (shown above)
Pros
Tried to sign Gene Chizik to an extension at ISU
Failed, obviously
Went all weepy Rickey Henderson on us
Commissioned a Beyond Photoshop of the new coach
Took his inconsolability across memes
Cons
None at all.
Statement
Shut up! Just shut up! Don't look at me! I'm not crying! Jamie Pollard wouldn't cry! I love my job and I love the Cyclones! I'm so happy I'm going to sing the fight song! Hail, to the Cyclones valiant, hail, to the Iowa States, hail, hail, to Michi-Iowa, the... oh Christ I don't even know my own school's fight song! WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?!
(runs away crying)
I SAID DON'T LOOK AT ME!
#6 SEED: OLD TESTAMENT HEP
Tournament bid: Awarded out of mortal fear
Pros
Set Indiana's stadium ablaze over perceived insolence
Cons
Single-headedly wrecked Iowa's 2007 season over perceived insolence
Statement
RARRRAARRRRRGH WHO GOES THERE
Oh, hey Hep. We're doing the tourney thing. It's your turn today.
HEP DOES NOT CARE FOR TRIFLES SUCH AS BHGP
Dude, come on, your fans love you.
HEP WANTS TO GO BACK TO BED
IT FEELS LIKE IT IS AN HOUR EARLIER THAN THE CLOCK SAYS
Hmm.
So, um, Old Testament Hep, how do you feel about that?
HEPSHEPSUT CURRRRSSSSE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
Hahaha, here we go!
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING
HEPSHEPSUT HATE INSOLENCE
Oh, lighten up
HEPSHEPSUT CURRRRSSSE BHGP
Wait, wha
