Kafka on GameDay

[Well, we can't not bump this.--OPS]

ESPN's College GameDay is in Iowa City for the big clash between the Wildcats of Northwestern and the undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes.

C. Fowler: Hello everyone I'm Chris Fowler here alongside Kirk Herbstreit and "The Coach," Lee Corso. We're in Iowa City for the showdown between the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Northwestern Wildcats.

L. Corso: Whoa Nellie!

C. Fowler: Herbie and Lee, as you both know if Iowa can somehow keep the magic alive and get past a dangerous Northwestern team, then it's a showdown in the Shoe with the Buckeyes possibly for all the marbles in the Big Ten, a Rose Bowl berth and maybe even a path to the National Championship game.

L. Corso: Oh boy! This is gonna be a good one!

K. Herbstreit: Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. This is a very tough game for the Hawkeyes today and as they have shown, almost any team can give them trouble.

C. Fowler: We're going to mix it up a bit this week though guys. As you both know we usually invite a guest analyst to help us pick the games of the week. And this week we have a very special guest to help us get a deeper and more erudite understanding of today's game. And here he comes...

K. Herbstreit: Oh no. Is that who I think it is?


C. Fowler: Yes. It's fiction writer Franz Kafka...who by the way is no relation to Northwestern quarterback Mike Kafka. Have a seat sir and welcome to GameDay.

L. Corso: Franz Kafka. Wow. You know, I read The Trial when I was an undergrad at Florida State and didn't understand a single bit of it.

K. Herbstreit: Scooter, you know I had the same reaction?

C. Fowler: First off, thank you for rising from the dead to be with us today.

F. Kafka: A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.

C. Fowler: Well, Kirk Ferentz almost died last week after Ricky Stanzi threw his fifth interception.  What do you think about Stanzi's game?

F. Kafka: A man of action forced into a state of thought is unhappy until he can get out of it.

K. Herbstreit: But Ferentz said after the game that he never considered replacing Stanzi.

L. Corso: Kirk, if I'd a been coaching Stanzi he would have been, whoosh, gone! I'd a thrown in anyone after FIVE interceptions!

F. Kafka: All human errors are impatience, a premature breaking off of methodical procedure, an apparent fencing-in of what is apparently at issue.

K. Herbstreit: But what about the wind? Don't you think weather played a role? Stanzi would throw the ball to guys who were wide open down field and it would fall right out of the sky. He was making good reads.

F. Kafka: God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them.

K. Herbstreit: I agree with you Franz, Stanzi just needs to know how to deal with the conditions.

L. Corso: Yes. Just deal with the conditions.

C. Fowler: Franz, what about Mike Kafka? What do you think of his game?

F. Kafka: By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.

C. Fowler: So you see Kafka as able to do more once a play breaks down?

F. Kafka: It's often safer to be in chains than to be free.

L. Corso: Franz! Franz! I agree with you 100%! Last week's injury to Kafka was because of too much freelancing!

F. Kafka: Productivity is being able to do things that you were never able to do before.

K. Herbstreit: Well wait. I'm confused. Are you saying Kafka should use his legs more or be more patient and stay within the scheme of things?

F. Kafka: Theoretically there is a perfect possibility of happiness: believing in the indestructible element in oneself and not striving towards it.

C. Fowler: How do you compare the two quarterbacks, Stanzi and Kafka?

F. Kafka: I do not know how to make a distinction between tears and music.

C. Fowler: Clearly Stanzi has had a very up and down year and he has had these Hawkeye fans on the edge of their seats, whether he's throwing a last second touchdown for the win or a Pick 6. But Ferentz says this team believes in Stanzi.

F. Kafka: A belief is like a guillotine, just as heavy, just as light.

C. Fowler: After, Kafka was hurt last week we got a look at his back-up, Dan Persa. What did you think of his play against Penn State?

F. Kafka: From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

K. Herbstreit: Franz, do you think Northwestern should stay with Persa in the starting role?

F. Kafka: One must not cheat anyone, not even the world of its victory.

L. Corso: See, that's the kind of stuff that confused me at Florida State.

C. Fowler: Northwestern is a significant underdog in this game. Do the Wildcats have any chance against unbeaten Iowa?

F. Kafka: Don't despair, not even over the fact that you don't despair.

L. Corso: Kirk, what does that mean?

K. Herbstreit: Well Scooter, I think he's saying that Iowa's going to do some more heartbreaking this week.

C. Fowler: Well you heard it. Franz Kafka picks the Hawkeyes! The Iowa fans though would dearly love a blowout or at least a win without last minute drama. It should be a good one!

F. Kafka: Suffering is the positive element in this world, indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.

Kirk Herbstreit: I'm going with the Hawkeyes too. I think Stanzi rights the ship this week and Iowa's defense is just too much for a hobbled Kafka.

L. Corso: Not so fast my friend. [puts on the Wildcat mascot head] I'm going with the Wildcats baby!

F. Kafka: Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.

C. Fowler: We have to leave it there. It's time for the game!

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