ESPN's College GameDay is in Columbus for the big clash between the Buckeyes of Ohio State and the undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes.
C. Fowler: Hello everyone I'm Chris Fowler here alongside Kirk Herbstreit and "The Coach," Lee Corso. We're in Columbus for the showdown between the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Ohio State Buckeyes.
L. Corso: Look at this crowd boy! Someone's going to the Rose Bowl after today!
C. Fowler: That's right Lee, as you both know the winner of this game wins the Big Ten and will represent the conference in the BCS and play in Pasadena.
L. Corso: I can't wait. Two great defenses facing off in the Ole Shoe! Old Fashioned Big Ten football!
K. Herbstreit: This is an intriguing match-up. A lot of people believe Iowa might have a tough time scoring today. They are playing without their leader Ricky Stanzi who they lost to an ankle injury last week against Northwestern. But, the Buckeyes and Terrell Pryor will have to play very smart to put up any points on this Iowa defense.
C. Fowler: You both know each week we invite a guest analyst to help us pick the games of the week. As we come down the home stretch and teams try to impress bowl executives, the pressure really builds. So, we thought we would lighten the mood just a bit. This might be a little edgy, but what the heck.
L. Corso: Is this that Leroy James?!?
C. Fowler: Lee, I think you mean LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers. No, it's actor, writer, and comedian Richard Pryor...who by the way is no relation to Ohio State quarterback Terrell Pryor. Welcome to GameDay Richard.
L. Corso: Who's Richard Pryor?
K. Herbstreit: Scooter, he's one of the most famous comedians of all-time. Silver Streak? Stir Crazy? C'mon Scooter! You know this guy.
C. Fowler: First off, thank you for being here today.
R. Pryor: I don't know who this motherfucker is [points at Corso] but he better stop saying he don't know me.
C. Fowler: Richard you've starred in movies, on television, and your comedy albums have sold millions. You were famous at a relatively young age. Can you relate to the microscope of fame that Terrell Pryor is suddenly under?
R. Pryor: That boy needs to grow the fuck up. Shit, when I was his age I was in the God damned Army, in a prison playing find the Keister Bunny. Nobody gave a damn about me. Including me!
K. Herbstreit: But you left the Army and started performing comedy at small clubs and developing your stand-up, and before you know it, you're a superstar.
L. Corso: I know you! Yes sir! Love the voice you do for that fat ghetto kid. "Hey, hey, hey!" I loved that. That was funny.
R. Pryor: You dumbass Honkey! Chris, if I throw a stick, will this motherfucker leave?
K. Herbstreit: Hey Richard, what about Terrell Pryor? Jim Tressel, for all his accomplishments, has never been to the Rose Bowl. The Buckeyes are a huge 17-point favorite. Everyone expects Ohio State to just cruise past an Iowa team without Stanzi. How do you think Terrell Pryor will perform today under all this pressure?
R. Pryor: Well, I know this. He's probably the dumbest motherfucker they could throw under center. But in my experience, dumb motherfuckers can surprise you. Look at George Bush and that bitch, Ryan Seacrest.
K. Herbstreit: What?
R. Pryor: Oh yeah. Listen here. Being a dumb motherfucker can work for you. See, he's too stupid to know all that shit you just said about pressure. And did you see him at the Navy game? Did you see the Michael Vick shit under his eyes!
K. Herbstreit: Well, he took a lot of grief for that. Don't you think he was just being naïve?
R. Pryor: Hell NO! He was being a dumb motherfucker. Look here. Everyone knows that Mike Vick was doing everything but fuckin those dogs his own damn self! And here's Terrell Pryor who don't even know the dude, trying to act all compassionate. Now that is one dumb motherfucker.
L. Corso: Kirk, Michael Vick was fuckin dogs?
C. Fowler: Richard, what does Pryor need to do to get this Buckeye team a win today.
R. Pryor: He's gotta run. Run like hell. Run like one of them dogs when they seen Vick coming. [laughing]
C. Fowler: But what if Iowa stacks the box and forces Pryor to beat them with the pass instead of his legs?
R. Pryor: I don't know! That's for The Governor to decide.
K. Herbstreit: You mean the Senator? Jim Tressel.
R. Pryor: He's a God damned senator too. Shit. Well, tell him to lower taxes and be careful, because that boy throw like my Aunt Lafonda.
L. Corso: I think Terelle Pryor may not have to do anything. The pressure is all on Iowa's quarterback. He's never started a game, much less one in The Shoe! This crowd's gonna be all over him baby!
R. Pryor: This turkey crowd ain't shit! I did a show in Alabama one time in the early 70s. I told a George Wallace joke and motherfuckers stormed the stage. Now that's some serious shit.
K. Herbstreit: So you think the SEC has better crowds than the Big Ten?
R. Pryor: I didn't say that cracker. But I know this...in the Big Ten it's called a crowd, in the SEC that shit's a rally.
C. Fowler: What do you think about Iowa's quarterback Vandenberg?
R. Pryor: I saw him walking into the stadium and he's the whitest motherfucker I've ever seen. He looks like fuckin Tilda Swinton.
C. Fowler: Do you expect the Hawkeyes to shrink the playbook for him?
R. Pryor: Shit, it can't be much smaller than it already is! Iowa's playbook is about the size of that motherfucker's dick. [points to Corso]
C. Fowler: So it sounds like you think the Buckeyes win today, thanks to Pryor's running ability.
R. Pryor: I don't give a shit about this God damned game. I'll be watching the University of UCLA game. They got some fine ass cheerleaders.
L. Corso: Kirk, the University of UCLA?
K. Herbstreit: Well Scooter, I think he's saying he's a Pac-10 guy.
C. Fowler: Well you heard it. Richard Pryor picks the Bruins!
R. Pryor: The Buckeyes better watch out though for Iowa's defensive end. That motherfucker with the dreadlocks...he'll hit you so hard he'll fuck up your DNA!
Kirk Herbstreit: Well, I'm going with the Buckeyes. I think the loss of Stanzi is just too much for Iowa to overcome.
L. Corso: Not so fast my friend [puts on the Hawkeye mascot head] I'm going with the Hawkeyes baby!
[crowd boos]
R. Pryor: That's right, you fuckin shrimp dick, peckerwood motherfucker. We've gone from a crowd to a rally. Shit. I'm gettin the fuck out of here.
C. Fowler: We have to leave it there. It's time game time!