Right then, homecoming. It's also BHGPcoming, because our first annual Black Heart Gold Ptailgate is upon us as of tomorrow.
We tried getting donor lot passes, but those quickly became unfeasible; this site doesn't make that much money, people. So we're going to the Myrtle Lot, planning on getting there around 9-10 a.m. Yes, we know you're all superstuds who wake up at 5, pound a handle of Captain for breakfast, then go the tailgate and fuck every coed in sight. We're sticking with 9-10.
[UPDATE: A handy map from Anonymous Hero, whose name we applaud.]
Here's what to look for:
Cars: Gray Honda sedan and green Tacoma pickup. Maybe a yellow Aveo too if we're lucky.
HS: A tall guy in a STANZI IS THE MANZI shirt.
OPS: A chubby guy with a Civil War moustache and an Iowa jersey with a retired number
HFMR: Not in attendance but he's a dead ringer for Wayne Newton (no he is not)
Refreshments: We're bringing plenty of beer, but sheer logistics dictates that we wouldn't be able to get everybody drunk even if we got a keg. Tragically, we are not allowed to do that--we checked. Also,
Food, meanwhile, is essential to maintaining the strength of a tailgate--especially one that lasts longer than 11 a.m. We're bringing pizza and chips, and those who want to bring their own are welcome to do just that. It's a celebration, bitches.
As for behavior, we're happy with the type of conduct that typifies our comment threads, and we expect everyone to get good and drunk when
WHOA WHOA WHOA THERE BUCKAROO
...Gary Barta?
BLOODPUNCH BARTA GMX MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GMX SAYS RIDE! OR! DIE!
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS TAILGATING BEHAVIOR
Oh, yes, you expect us to not drink to excess on account of the other fans who don't do that
CORRECT
BESIDES, ALCOHOL IS FOR PUSSIES
I GOT SOME STUFF
Uh-oh.
What, um, what would you rather we do instead of drink beers, Mr. Barta?
I DEMAND WE REPRESENT OUR UNIVERSITY PROPERLY
SO I WANT EVERYONE TO BRING A KILO OF COCAINE AND A LIVE BENGAL TIGER TO THE GAME
Wait, what? Okay, first of all, that's way too much cocaine for one person to use
SOME OF THAT IS FOR THE TIGER
OBVIOUSLY
And then the seats are pretty cramped as it is. There's not room for 70,000 dangerous animals!
THEY CAN BE ON THE FIELD
You're the worst, Gary.
EH, THIS IS JUST SO I DON'T HAVE STEPPING UP BREATHING DOWN MY NECK ABOUT DRINKING
Oh yeah. Stepping Up is pretty awful.
SURE ARE