Hola Pancheros, what order
Que? Here or to go?
I like turtles
Que? No habla turtle, little English, habla Espanol, Pancheros. Burrito?
I like turtles
HEY COME ON NOW PAL I WANT TO ORDER A FOOD TO EAT WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA HEY
(turns around)
HOLY SHIT A ZOMBIE
PUNCH
Dude, that really hurt. You can't just punch me like that, I was doing my Halloween character! Everyone knows Zombie Kid!
THIS ZOMBIE'S TALKING TO ME
It's a fucking costume, man. That's it, I'm calling the cops.
NO NO NO SHIT ZOMBIES CAN'T USE PHONES
PUNCH
AWWW FUCK MY NOSE JESUS CHRIST
PEACE OUT I'M NOT EATING YOUR UNHOLY ZOMBIE BURRITOS
I... see. And that's how it all happened?
Yes, Sexy Cop.
And the assailant?
White guy, 6'0" to 6'2", 230 pounds. Err, 200. 200 to 230. Dark hair.
I see. Well, I think I know who did this.
(speaking into Sexy Cop Radio) All officers, be on the lookout for Steroid Ben Affleck.
What? Ben Affleck is like almost 40. I said--
No no no, when he takes steroids, he reverts back to 1994 Ben Affleck. Then this happens:
Does, um... does Iowa City have a big problem with Steroid Ben Affleck?
No, he's probably just passing through the state.
Doing what?
God only knows. (looks off into the distance, deep in sexy thought)
Weird. Can I go to the hospital now? My face is pretty messed up.
How about the sexy hospital!
(totally takes her top off)
If we may, Mr. Paterno
WHAT
THANK YOU
We're pretty sure that's not how it happened. Those are just videos you saw on the Internet.
ZOMBIE BOY IS REAL, HE LIKES TURTLES
And why are you even talking about that?
Don't you have anything to say about your football team instead?
NO