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The Panchero's Zombie Assault, Explained

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Iconestoy_medium Hola Pancheros, what order

Iconzombiekid_medium I like turtles

Iconestoy_medium Que? Here or to go?

Iconzombiekid_medium I like turtles

Iconestoy_medium Que? No habla turtle, little English, habla Espanol, Pancheros. Burrito?

Iconzombiekid_medium I like turtles

Iconangry_medium HEY COME ON NOW PAL I WANT TO ORDER A FOOD TO EAT WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA HEY

Iconzombiekid_medium (turns around)

Iconangry_medium HOLY SHIT A ZOMBIE

Fist_medium PUNCH

Iconzombiekid_medium Dude, that really hurt. You can't just punch me like that, I was doing my Halloween character! Everyone knows Zombie Kid!

Iconangry_medium THIS ZOMBIE'S TALKING TO ME

Iconzombiekid_medium It's a fucking costume, man. That's it, I'm calling the cops.

Iconangry_medium NO NO NO SHIT ZOMBIES CAN'T USE PHONES

Fist_medium PUNCH

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium AWWW FUCK MY NOSE JESUS CHRIST

Iconangry_medium PEACE OUT I'M NOT EATING YOUR UNHOLY ZOMBIE BURRITOS

Iconsexycop_medium I... see. And that's how it all happened?

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium Yes, Sexy Cop.

Iconsexycop_medium And the assailant?

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium White guy, 6'0" to 6'2", 230 pounds. Err, 200. 200 to 230. Dark hair.

Iconsexycop_medium I see. Well, I think I know who did this.

Iconsexycop_medium (speaking into Sexy Cop Radio) All officers, be on the lookout for Steroid Ben Affleck.

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium What? Ben Affleck is like almost 40. I said--

Iconsexycop_medium No no no, when he takes steroids, he reverts back to 1994 Ben Affleck. Then this happens:

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium Does, um... does Iowa City have a big problem with Steroid Ben Affleck?

Iconsexycop_medium No, he's probably just passing through the state.

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium Doing what?

Iconsexycop_medium God only knows. (looks off into the distance, deep in sexy thought)

Iconzombiekidbloody_medium Weird. Can I go to the hospital now? My face is pretty messed up.

Iconsexycop_medium How about the sexy hospital!

Iconsexycop_medium (totally takes her top off)

Iconpresser_medium If we may, Mr. Paterno

Iconjoepa_medium WHAT

Iconjoepa_medium THANK YOU

Iconpresser_medium We're pretty sure that's not how it happened. Those are just videos you saw on the Internet.

Iconjoepa_medium ZOMBIE BOY IS REAL, HE LIKES TURTLES

Iconpresser_medium And why are you even talking about that?

Joepashrug_medium

Iconpresser_medium Don't you have anything to say about your football team instead?

Iconjoepa_medium NO