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Eric Johnson To Play Non-Threatening Guitar Solos For Another Team In 2009?

Word on the street is that recruiting coordinator/LB coach Eric Johnson might be headed to Alabama (update 2 for 1/6/09) to replace outgoing defensive coordinator "associate head coach and head defensive coach" (cough bullshit he's a DC cough) Kevin Steele, who's off to Clemson for some reason.

As Morehouse notes, Johnson's position at Iowa has been likened to that of a GM, as the majority of his duties go to recruiting. Now, there are plenty of DUR-HUR-HUR types out there who happen to hate Iowa's recruiting, so this news may not exactly aggrieve them. They don't seem to care that Ricky Stanzi, Andy Brodell, Julian Vandervelde, Bradley Fletcher, Tyler Sash, and (sigh) Brett Greenwood are all starting over more highly rated players out of HS; championships are won on damn it waaahhhhhhhh!

All the same, Johnson is a veteran coach, and evidently one that Nick Saban (no slouch, he) holds in high regards. Losing any longtime member of the coaching staff always hurts, especially for the players in the coach's unit (Oh, grow up.). But if this goes through and EJ joins the Tide, we have one request: replace him with someone who can hit a power chord like he fucking means it:

That is some Grade-A wankery right there. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING. Yes, it's supposed to be a classic, that "Cliffs of Dover," but if I wanted to listen to someone noodle around with a 5-string like he's trying not to wake his dad up, I'd pick up some fucking Dream Theater. May we suggest, for Eric Johnson's replacement, a Mr. Jerry Cantrell?

Yes, this will be much better. And speaking of Eric Johnson, motherfuck his G3 pal, Joe Satriani. There are few unforgivable acts of music, but the backing track to this damn thing is one of them. Just for that, I will forget my power towel.