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Wha Happened? Week Two

Hey, Wha Happened?

Penn State 45 - Orgeron Oregon State 14

Has nothing to do with this game, but we still love Coach O

This was the premiere matchup of the conference's weekend slate.  Yes, folks, we need to fix scheduling.

In any case, Penn State has finally figured it out.  Jay Paterno coaches quarterbacks.  Jay Paterno calls passing plays.  Jay Paterno is incompetent.  Jay Paterno cannot be fired.  So, when the guy who coaches the quarterbacks and calls passing plays is reading the play chart upside down and yet has no chance of losing his job, you just stop calling passing plays.  PSU has rushed for 569 yards in its first two games, both times exceeding the passing output.  It's working.

Also, Jordan Norwood is very good.

LMAOchigan LOLverines 16 - Fake Miami 6


You remember how the 2005 Bears were so consistently good on defense and atrocious on offense that the over/under line could never get low enough?  The LOLverines are staring to LOLk like the coLOLege version of that team.  A 2:1 run to pass ROFLMAtiO and 281 yards of total LMAOffense was aLOL the LOLverines could muster.  StiLOL, even with such ridicuLOLs LMAOffensive output, LMAOchigan outgained Fake Miami by 30 yards.  The defense is pretty good.  The RORffense is, weLOL, raughabre.  (Photo: AP/Carlos Osorio)

Michigan State 42 - Eastern Michigan 7
Ohio State 26 - Ohio 14
Wisconsin 51 - Marshall 14
Illinois 47 - Eastern Illinois 21
Purdue 42 - Northern Colorado 10
Minnesota 42 - Bowling Green 17

[BIG TEN TEAM] must have hit the snooze button one too many times Saturday morning.  They began sluggishly before pulling away with a late run to put away [DIRECTIONAL DIVISION I-AA IN-STATE SACRIFICIAL LAMB/MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE RENTED MULE/SCHOOL ONCE COACHED BY MATTHEY MCCONAUGHEY].  [TOUTED UPPERCLASSMAN QUARTERBACK OR RUNNING BACK] [THREW OR RAN] for [EXTRAORDINARLY LOW NUMBER OF YARDS] in the first half before bursting out for [RIDICULOUS NUMBER OF YARDS] after the break.  [COACH WITH MOTIVATIONAL TOURETTE'S SYNDROME, DIABEETUS, AN IOWA TATTOO ON HIS ANKLE, OR AN ADDICTION TO RED BULL & JAGERMEISTER] said that, despite the eventual runaway win, his team has a lot of work to do before next week's game against [YET ANOTHER RED-HEADED STEPCHILD/PAC-10 TEAM THAT WILL BEAT THEM/THE FIGHTIN' SCHNELLENBERGERS].  [BIG TEN TEAM] starts conference play in two weeks.

Northwestern 24 - Duke 20

Northwestern completed a 9-play, 72-yard drive with 9:00 to go in this game to take the lead.  It then stopped a 13-play Duke drive at the Northwestern 13 yard line.

Yeah, we're REALLY worried about that Big Televen opener against the 'Cats...

Indiana 45 - Murray State 3

Sure, it was a blowout, but Indian might have some problems.  I don't worry about the mediocre passing numbers (why throw the ball when you can rack up 5 YPC on the ground?), but 4-13 on third down and virtually no running from Kellen Lewis is slightly disconcerting.  I think Indiana is better than people think - due solely to the fact that Lewis is back and, therefore, maybe the best quarterback in the conference - but the numbers don't lie here.  The scoring was all field position, due to a 3:1 turnover margin, a LMAOchigan-like 149 yards of offense from Murray State, and better specialists.  Indiana won't have those advantages in conference play.