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Part 1

Scene: A palatial estate in western China. An emporer stares out a window, deep in thought.

Iconmao_medium I cannot see a thing. Fucking smog.

A young helper walks into the room.

Iconchinaboy_medium Tea, your excerrency.

The man takes one sip and lackadaisically tosses the cup aside.

Iconmao_medium Tea again! It's tea evewy day! It's rike this whore countwy onry gwows tea!

Iconchinaboy_medium Well, that's pwobabry twu

Iconmao_medium I won't have it! I demand mowe! I'm the rurew of arr of China! I won in a randsride erection!

Iconchinaboy_medium It was definitery a huge erection.

Iconmao_medium And now hewe I am, twying to get a goddamn dwink that tastes rike something othew than the smog outside my window, and thewe isn't any in this entiwe goddamn countwy!

Iconchinaboy_medium Youw excerrency, if I may

Iconmao_medium NO! I hate the tawiffs and cost hikes and evewything that makes soda cost rike fifteen Chinabucks for a can! Something must be done!

Icontv_medium And here come the American athletes, the stars of the Olympics! Nobody's a bigger star than Michael Phelps or Lebron James, two world-class icons of athletics!

Iconmao_medium Something quite sevewe indeed...

Iconchinaboy_medium Siw?

Iconmao_medium Arert the authowities, young herpew... We'we going to trap the Amewicans and hord them for wansom.

Iconchinaboy_medium How wirr we accomprish this, siw?

Iconmao_medium With the crevewest of prans evew: We'rr make the Amewicans give Rebron wight to us.

Iconchinaboy_medium How, Mao, how?

Iconmao_medium Yao.

Iconyao_medium Grrrrrrr...


Part 3 | Part 4