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IN SOVIET IOWA, COTTON PICKS YOU!

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Yakovsmirnoff_medium
What a country!

After being spurned by top QB recruit Nate Scheelhaase for the Zooker and betrayed by OL/Walking Mountain David Barrent, the Hawkeyes were desperate for good news on the stalking young boys recruiting front. They got that and then some today, as RB/WR Jordan Cotton announced his commitment to Iowa. Cotton is the son of former Iowa fullback Marshall Cotton. Cotton is also at the end of every Q-Tip* sold in America. Isn't that neat?

Cotton is the second of Iowa's Big Four to announce; in addition to dastardly traitor Barrent, the state of Iowa also boasts top tailback Brandon Wegher and wideout Keenan Davis; both are 4-star prospects. Cotton only rates as a 3-star prospect by Rivals and Scout, but they're crap so fuck them.

Anyhoo, welcome aboard, Jordan. If you know any 6'5", 280 pound, 4.3 40 guys who need a full ride, let Iowa know. We could use 'em. Casey McMillan can't make this team go undefeated by himself,** you know.

(Terrorist fist jab: Mark Hasty)


*and Q-Tip is the lead man of legendary '90s hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest. Fun facts!
**not until cannibalism is legalized, anyway.