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Ron Zook Runs Into Tim Brewster

[Minnesota coach Tim Brewster is walking down the hall of a Wisconsin high school, talking with the high school's head coach]

Footballcoachicon_medium   ...He runs a 4.6 40, he's a hurdler and a high jumper on the track team, hands soft as a hooker's ass.  He'd be a perfect fit for Minnesota.

Brewstericon_medium   FIGHT TRY BEST WIN

Footballcoachicon_medium  Heh heh heh, you got it, coach!

Brewstericon_medium  Gopher Nation demands a quarterback!

Footballcoachicon_medium  Quarterback?  Coach, don't you have about 17 quarterbacks?  Your returning starter is only a sophomore, and your son is a freshman, right?

Brewstericon_medium  Don't pretend you're attuned to the shifting winds inside Gopher Nation, paean!  The Gopher House of Representatives demands another signal caller!  Specifically, I'm looking for Vince Young

Footballcoachicon_medium  Well coach, I can tell you my quarterback ain't the next Vince Yo


Footballcoachicon_medium  Heh heh, absolutely coach!  Well, my quarterback is a junior, he's 6'4", 220, arm like a Howitzer, runs like a meth addict being chased by

Brewstericon_medium  BEST WIN SUPER SERENDIPITY WIN WIN BEST is this quarterback you speak of familiar with the road to Pasadena?

Footballcoachicon_medium  Um, I don't know if he knows it off the top of his head, but I'm sure he can read a road atlas

Brewstericon_medium  Excellent.  Bring WIN BIG TEN CHAMPIONS SUPER TERRIFIC ROSE BOWL TRY FIGHT WIN WIN WIN him to me.

Footballcoachicon_medium  Well, I can't get you the quarterback, but I'll bring you that safety.  Sit tight.

Brewstericon_medium  I will stand at attention in this spot until you TRY FIGHT HARD TEST return.

Footballcoachicon_medium  [Leaves]

Zookicon_medium   [Walking down hall, texting, drinking Red Bull; stumbles into Brewster]

Zookicon_medium  Tim!

Brewstericon_medium  WIN

Zookicon_medium  Whazzup, broseph?


Brewstericon_medium  What are you doing in the hallowed GOPHER NATION WIN PASADENA halls of this fine institution of FIGHT TRY WIN FIGHT learning?

Zookicon_medium  [Hides cellphone behind his back, continues no-look texting]  Aw shit, y'all know how the game rolls.  Bitches in the front, bitches in the back!  Da Zooker's gotta keep rollin'!

[Pleasantries continue; meanwhile, in a dorm room at the University of Minnesota]

Clintbrewstericon_medium   Man, I CANNOT WAIT for the new Incubus album!  It's gonna be off the hook for sure!

Cellphone2icon_medium   BEEP

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Who would be text messaging me in the middle of the day?

Cellphone2icon_medium   Text1_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  I'm not supposed to receive text messages from unlisted numbers.  I can't imagine who hacked my cell

Cellphone2icon_medium Text2_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Uh...I do?

Cellphone2icon_medium Text3_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Seriously, I don't know what the hell this

Cellphone2icon_medium Text4_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Oh shit.  Zook?  What do you wa

Cellphone2icon_medium Text5_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  I don't swing that way, Ron

Cellphone2icon_medium Text6_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  But what about my dad?  I can't transfer.  It'll break his

Cellphone2icon_medium Text7_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Let me ask you one question:  Do you have motivational Tourette's?

Cellphone2icon_medium Text8_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Sold!  Woo! EYE ELL ELL!  EYE EN EYE!

Cellphone2icon_medium Text9_medium

[Meanwhile, back at the high school]

Brewstericon_medium  So then I told Vince's mom that I was Supreme Allied Commander of the North Altantic Treaty FIGHT TRY WIN WIN FIGHT

Cellphoneicon_medium   RING

Brewstericon_medium  Why, hello son!  What's that?  But, why would you... I don't understand... This makes WIN FIGHT HARD TRY no sense... Well [sniffle] if that's your choice [hangs up phone]

Zookicon_medium [Puts phone away, slowly smiles, tents fingers]

Brewstericon_medium  That was my son Clint.  He's decided to transfer away from Minn

Zookicon_medium  I KNOW!  HE'S PLAYING FOR THE ZOOKER!  BOOM, MOTHERFUCKER!  BOOM! [Finishes Red Bull, smashes can on head, runs out the door]

Footballcoachicon_medium   Coach Brewster, I'd like to introduce you to Shawn

Brewstericon_medium  FIGHT FIGHT TRY FIGHT PASADENA WIN kind sir, I am going to need to meet that quarterback...