(don't let him do this. you have a Master's in communication.)
(don't let him call you "Secretary." that's not even your job title.)
What?! What do you want?
I HAVE A LONG NIGHT AHEAD OF ME. PLEASE BRING ME FIVE GLASSES OF JUICE THIS INSTANT
That is not my job. If you have correspondence to go out or guidelines to double-check, I'd be happy to, Mr. Paterno. I am not your maid.
I AM NOT QUITE SURE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BECAUSE I HAVE NOT USED YOU IN EITHER OF THOSE REGARDS SINCE YOU WERE HIRED IN 1982
AS NEAR AS I CAN TELL YOU USED MINESWEEPER AND GOOGLE TALK ALL DAY, WHICH IS FINE IF YOU'RE MY SON
BUT IN LIEU OF ACTUAL WORK, OF WHICH I'VE NONE FOR YOU, I HUMBLY REQUEST FIVE GLASSES OF JUICE
Fine. What do you want.
ORANGE, GRAPE, APPLE, CRANBERRY, AND GRAPE
You said grape twice
I LIKE GRAPE
(JOEPA SAYS PLEASE KEEP READING)
Why do you insist drinking so much, anyway?
I KNOW YOUR KIND ISN'T ALLOWED TO VOTE, BUT
FELONS I MEAN
I'm not a god-damned felon!
I MEAN INDEPENDENTS
How do you even make that mistake? Honestl
REGISTERING AS AN INDEPENDENT IS EVERY BIT AS TREASONOUS AN ACT AS CORNSHOE HAMMAKER COMMITTED DURING GETTYSBURG WHEN HE WHEELED HIS CANNON AROUND 180 DEGREES AND BLEW ROBERT E LEE'S HEAD OFF FROM POINT BLANK RANGE
That story doesn't even make sense.
ANYWAY, THIS IS A MAJOR ELECTION EVENT TONIGHT. JAY HAS DEMANDED THAT WE WATCH IT TOGETHER
Gobama! Yes! We! Can! Yes! We!
Dad, this is a big deal!
IT CAN BE A BIG DEAL WITHOUT YOU CHANTING LIKE A SPANIARD
WHICH, I MIGHT ADD, IS A VERY UNTRUSTWORTHY BREED
So the juice?
NO, NOBODY IS LESS TRUSTWORTHY THAN THE JEWS
The juice that you want me to bring you, you old bastard.
YES, I CANNOT BE SEATED FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR WITHOUT MY BLADDER COLLAPSING, SO I MUST KEEP IT FILLED AT ALL TIMES. IT COMES WITH OLD AGE. ONE DAY YOU'LL BE OLD AND ASKING FOR WHATEVER IT IS YOU PEOPLE LIKE
That's it! I'm tired of this casual racism and disrespect! I am a human being, goddammit!
I MEAN YOU SECRETARIES
Forget it! I quit!
SEAN, STOP HER THIS INSTANT AND I WILL RELEASE YOU FROM YOUR HOUSE ARREST, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A FULL TWO MONTHS LEFT; AS MUCH AS YOUR ADDICTION TO PROSTITUTES MUST BE CONTROLLED, WE NEED SECRETARY
Coach says I can't let you.
AW FUCK MY FUCKING KNEE AAAAAAAAAAAAGH
JAY, WHAT ON EARTH DID SHE DO TO MY PRIZED LINEBACKER
Judging by how his knee bent, I'd say he broke his ACL or something.
CONFOUNDIT, TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL
But the polls are almost closed and I wanna watch the thing!
JESUS CHRIST IT'S LIKE I GOT SHOT
WHERE THE HELL IS MY JUICE