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Tom Crean: Explorer, Hero, Head Coach of Indiana

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Crimson and Crean is the word, according to the Indianapolis Star. Puzzling choice, we thought. We wondered why Indiana would hire one of the most famed Antarctic explorers in history to coach their basketball team. Fortunately, we were able to catch up to Crean a year from now (Google Custom Time), and he was gracious enough to share his journals with us. Of course, they're in a thick Irish brogue, so they're completely unreadable. We did our best to translate them for you (we care at BHGP, after all), so please, read along and enjoy.

The new captain and his freshman class

MAY 1, 2008

I have been selected to travel south once again. It is dark country there. During the winter, it is Knight time, always. It is pervasive and unyielding, capable of crushing all but the strongest of men. Captain Sampson before me went crazy and veered off, looking for shortcuts. We will likely never see him again. Young Dakich barely got the team back alive--to him we likely owe many lives.

JUNE 22, 2008

It is important that I select the best sled and the best men to go with me. Dakich is a good man, but one terrified by the journey. No, I should revise that statement--goaded into terror by his own failures at the journey. One can hardly blame him! I shall do him the great favor of leaving him at home.


Training for the journey has begun. Good heavens, what have I been left with? For the multitudinous stories of Team Indiana and their worthiness to brave a harsh winter, these young pups seem hardly qualified to pull a child in a red wagon down Main Street in an Independence Day parade! I'm told that the four best of them cannot make the trip next year--Eric, DJ, Jamarcus, they call them. Oh, and a Bassett named Armon. Bassett hounds haven't got a place in my team anyhow! Outrageous!

OCTOBER 29, 2008

We are not ready for this journey, but we are obligated to begin anyway. The schedule is non-negotiable, I'm told, and the Indiana people will not tolerate anything but a crazed run for the farthest reaches of the earth. One wonders why it is of such importance to them, but not long--self-doubt is the most ruthless of killers out here.

NOVEMBER 11, 2008

We passed Sampson's frozen body. I said a silent prayer. My team, limited as they may be in mental capacity, could sense the gravity of the situation and fell still as well. I wonder if they recognized him. In his hand he clutched a phone. What folly, in his singular moment of mortal weakness, to think there could be someone on the other end of the phone who could help him! I covered his face with a spare cloth and we trudged on, somber and determined.

NOVEMBER 15, 2008

One of my assistants joked that it was ironic that somebody named "Kelvin" would have a body temperature of Absolute Zero. It feels good to laugh again.

DECEMBER 21, 2008

We haven't seen the sun in weeks, and we're told winter has only now just begun. Were we not a team, we'd all be long dead. We may end up so anyway. I've been part of many expeditions before, and as near as I can tell, we're not where we need to be yet. I fear we're not even close.

JANUARY 28, 2009

I don't know how to phrase this like an explorer but Purdue just beat us by like 30.

FEBRUARY 18, 2009

I fear we may be nearing the end of our line. We are not capable of driving forward late through this month and the next.

MARCH 15, 2009

Everyone is anxious to begin going home, and I do not blame them. There is a delirium that we Antarctic explorers know as the weather begins to turn and we attack the most hostile lands on earth. It is a completely imagined, manufactured euphoria that threatens your life and livelihood, yet the experience is unimaginably exhilirating. We have taken to calling it March Madness. This team is not ready for it yet, but I hope I can prepare it soon. The natives expect nothing less.

APRIL 19, 2009

I'm told they have hung me in effigy in the Hall of Assembly after our bitter failure this year. Ungrateful swine!

MAY 31, 2009

Who is "Isiah Thomas" and why has he offered to join me? He tells me he was in charge of the New York Professional Operations! He almost seems overqualified.

JUNE 1, 2009

I may have made a large mistake.

JUNE 1, 2009

Tell my wife and ki

JUNE 2, 2009


JUNE 3, 2009