EDSBS mastermind Orson Swindle gets email. His most recent check of the ol' email inbox included this:
I do blogger/online outreach for Outback Steakhouse and wanted to give you the chance to visit the restaurant and join the 20th birthday celebration of the Bloomin’ Onion. Would you be interested in a gift card to use with friends and family? Use the gift card to take advantage of the full bar and watch a game in a great sports environment with good food.
Please let me know if you’re interested.
Naturally, I checked my email inbox, looking for my own Bloomin' Onion gift card. I found nothing. Nada. Zilch. Well, you know what, Outback blogger outreach program?
The Mancott is back! You snubbed us for your bowl game. You didn't answer our various emails of protest. You forgot to bring that second loaf of your scrumptious bread to my table. And now, you don't even give us the free Bloomin' Onion we so deserve.
You've walked into a buzzsaw, Outback Steakhouse. In February, we might have let it slide, but it's now Marchifornication. You will pay for your crimes.
By the power vested in me by nobody in particular, I declare the Mancott resumes! We will not stop until your restaurants lie in ruins and the tears of your former employees flavor our pineapple-chipotle margaritas.
Well, that or a free Bloomin' Onion. It's 20 years old, after all.