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Monday ITEMS: Shenanigans Afoot

ITEM! If you haven't done so already, join the BHGP Tourney Pick'Em group on Yahoo. Just click here, enter in League #5862 and password gornstar, and you're all set. Our new leader for best team name is "Skinner Dunks On Hoiberg," which would never even happen on NBA Jam: Tournament Edition.

ITEM! Iowa track star Kineke Alexander just earned her seventh All-American nomination. Seven?! Just graduate already!

ITEM! Six players were suspended indefinitely from the women's softball team, and another was dismissed from the team after "violating team rules." Only one of the seven disciplined athletes was involved in any legal problems--she got a PAULA--and she was only suspended. We're then left to our own devices to speculate as to why multiple female athletes are in trouble, and we'll always go back to hot alcohol-fueled skinparties hazing, horrible hazing.

ITEM! Another PR disaster for Tampa. As you're probably well aware, Drake was designated a 5 seed in the NCAA tournament. They're in the East regional, and their pod puts them in Tampa, Florida. Oh, them. The city of Tampa is getting more brazen in their affronts to the proud Iowa Hawkeyes, and no true fan should allow this to go unnoticed. Drake, a team that hasn't even been to the tournament in over 30 years, is all of a sudden better than Big Ten powerhouse and oh what a coincidence bitter state rival Iowa? I doubt it!


Obviously, the NIT and CBI are in the NCAA's pocket, as neither of the secondary postseason tourneys saw fit to invite Iowa, despite the fact that Iowa is in the Big Ten and almost all the schools they invited aren't.

Why does the city of Tampa have such a destructive bias against the Iowa Hawkeyes? What money did they have to give to the NCAA to facilitate such barbaric practices? Where are my pants? These questions must be answered. Otherwise, it's no surprise that the Outback Steakhouse is the face of this Hitler-like suppression. Their motto describes the NCAA's mindset perfectly: No Rules, Just White Right. Shame on you all! The MANCOTT lives!

ITEM! Pro sports content follows, so snobs may need to hold noses. Sunday's Nuggets-Sonics game was nothing short of absurd, the antithesis of Iowa basketball in every imaginable fashion. The final score was 168-116, which completely broke the game flow graph. By way of comparison, Iowa-Michigan State, circa 1/12/08, was a bit different.

Ludicrous points! One more 3 and they'd have gone plaid.

Marcus Camby registered a triple-double in 27 minutes, and he was the seventh-leading scorer. Among his accomplishments was 15 rebounds, all on the defensive glass. For the first half, his defensive rebound percentage was well over 50%. That doesn't mean he got over half of his team's rebounds--he got the rebound on over half of Seattle's missed shots. In fact, the percentage would have been higher, but he blocked two shots that went to his friends. That, friends? Is ridiculous.

ITEM! Yes it's no longer timely, yes you've already seen it, no I do not give a fuck, this was awesome.

This is all in a day's work for the young man. Has your girlfriend, wife, mother or daughter over the age of 18 ever been in a room with Blake Hoffarber? They're already pregnant. Four hundred babies.