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Matt Roth Keeps It Crunk In The I.C.

You remember Matt Roth, right? Yes you do. Of course you do. Matt Roth was the craziest ball of crazy that ever set foot on the Kinnick sod. Sure, there have been big hitters and "boy his motor never stops" types for as long as there have been Hawkeyes. But no Hawkeye since Alex Karras--if ever--embodied the sheerly entertaining stereotype of a mentally unstable destruction machine.

You will die.

Indeed, as rich as his heritage of on-field exploits are, so too are the urban legends; we've all heard the stories* about how he cleared out a bar with a pool cue, or how it took 11 bouncers to remove him just because he was wearing a beater, or how he doesn't teabag ladies, he potato-sacks them. Wait, that's Chuck Norris. Same league.

We bring up Captain Insane-O because, though he may be a man of legend, he is just one man, and one with an unending loyalty to the program. You think it's just current Hawkeyes who make life hell for the ICPD? No, no, no. Not in the Hawkeye family. Indeed, Roth was arrested for public intoxication at The Union this past weekend. The Union, of course, is the de facto bar of choice for NFL athletes--just ask Kyle Orton.

It's good to see that above all else, and regardless of what he does in the NFL, Matt Roth will always be a Hawkeye. And by that, of course, we mean a public nuisance in Iowa City. Attaboy.

*I have my own couple of stories, but this isn't quite the time or place for them. Get a few beers in me and we'll talk.