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Nebraska is for Lovers, and Fridays are for ITEMS!

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ITEM! Yes, we're perfectly aware of the Michigan game. No, we're not going to talk about it. Anger anger hate rage

ITEM! Dear Indiana AD Rick Greenspan,

We saw this coming a mile away.

Love and kisses,
THE ENTIRE WORLD

ITEM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Oh man. Please let this happen. Please. Please.


Please.

ITEM! Okay, just this about the Michigan game. We're not buying the "they got complacent" angle. Not if it cost a nickel and you spotted us an Andy Jackson. Iowa didn't convert a single motherfucking field goal during a 9 minute stretch late in the second half. The drought started with a Gornstar layup that pushed Iowa ahead 40-35. So that big lead that had gotten them so overconfident was already all but gone at that point. No, Iowa blew the game because they can't hang onto the ball. There are no reliable ball-handlers [LOLOLOLOL--inner 8-year-old.] on the entire team. Peterson is a lock to dribble himself into trouble and throw the ball away at least three times a game, Tony Freeman still can't figure out a press, and the rest of the team should not be allowed to take more than two dribbles under penalty of death by laser dinosaurs.

ITEM! Football tickets will remain every bit as overpriced as last year. Did I say overpriced? I mean valuable!

ITEM! Go out and vote; it's very important! No, there are no presidential primaries this weekend, or any ballot initiative of any kind, nationwide. But vote anyway, goddammit! Scarlett Johanssen told me to vote, and she is so unbelievably beautiful that if she endorsed a stunned mouse in a dixie cup for President, I would campaign with the fury of a thousand defied gods for that rodent. So VOTE!