A sunlit office. A man sits, forlorn, staring out the window at an empty practice field. He sighs, but to one deaf ear, as a secretary is enraptured by her telephone call.
Jay, you know how he gets after a loss. I'm sure he just took the quadra-car out for a spin with Uncle Bobby.
But he should be home by now! Usually he takes the last off day to just sit in the den and get loaded off Hendricks and cucumbers in a miniature football helmet. I don't think he ever came back to Penn State.
On a cold, wind-swept street...
Meanwhile, at the IMU down the block, a TV set sits in the lobby, and dozens of young men with product in their hair and stylish dress shirts wait anxiously.
The show begins, much to the delight of the white people at the IMU and watching nationwide.
HI, I'M JIM CRAMER. II'M SO GLAD TO BE HERE TODAY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF IOWA! AND AS MANY OF YOU CRAMERICANS KNOW, THE REAL THREAT TO OUR ECONOMY CAN COME FROM OVERSEAS! BUT I AM NOT, NOT! NOT, PEOPLE, NOT! TALKING ABOUT THE FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS WE HAVE TO THE CHINESE OR THE SLUMPING NIKKEI! SMALL POTATOES, IT'S INSANE!
The next 17+ minutes are uninterrupted racism, xenophobia, and irrational hatred for anything with an "o" at the end of its name, since it sounds too foreign to be trusted. Producer Lady cannot stop the madness, as her daily "self-medication" has lulled her into an angel's repose long before now. The gathered crowd is shocked into total silence, and ratings quadruple.
SO TRUE! ONCE AGAIN FOLKS, MY SPECIAL GUEST IS LEGENDARY COACH JOE PATERNO, AND WE HAVE HAD IT WITH SCANDINAVIANS AND THEIR SEXUAL DEVIANCY! IT HAS TO STOP WHEN THEY TRADE AMERICAN MONEY TO SOVIETS IN EXCHANGE FOR POTATOES WITH SEX ORGANS! IT'S ILLEGAL AND IT'S BAD FOR AGRICULTURE!