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The Zook Murders: Part 3

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Langley AFB, Virginia. Hundreds of young men with crew cuts, and one with a flowing mullet, train as a sergeant fifteen years their elder barks orders.


Jlemansniper_medium

Icondrill_medium  AT EASE MAGGOTS

Icondrill_medium  TIME TO GO BACK TO THE MESS HALL

Icondrill_medium  I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT EVERYTHING

Icondrill_medium  TEN HUUUUUT

Soldierboy_medium  Hey, surfer boy! You, with the hair!

Iconreman_medium  Hey.

Soldierboy_medium  Some of the guys were checking with intel, and they think that you're the J Leman.

Iconreman_medium  Yeah.

Soldierboy_medium  Awww, no way! You turned down the #1 pick in all of football to defend freedom! That's so rad!

Iconreman_medium  If I didn't do it, we wouldn't have a National Football League. It would be a National Fascism League. Me, I'm interested in a Neverending Freedom League.

Soldierboy_medium  Then you saved America from terrorists!

Iconreman_medium  We slam-dunked it.

Soldierboy_medium  High Five! Let's go eat some food!

Iconreman_medium  Hey, new guy, only civilians don't call it "food."

Soldierboy_medium  Oops.

Iconreman_medium  Chow.

Iconreman_medium  Surprised you didn't know that.

Soldierboy_medium  Daww, it's just, you're J Leman. Nobody else would be badass enough to train for Freedom Squad in a necktie!

Iconreman_medium  Double Windsor, triple freedom.

Soldierboy_medium  YEAH! Wait, where are you going? It's chowtime!

Iconreman_medium  Helicopter maintenance pad. I don't get hungry. I get freedom.

Soldierboy_medium  That doesn't make sense but it's still awesome!

In a sunlit office in Champaign or Urbana, wherever those buttfuckers play...

Zookicon_medium   He was there, Titty Sprinkles! He was supposed to stay in Florida!

Iconsecretary45_medium  My name is Secretary!

Zookicon_medium  Secretary? Try Sugarpussy! My job is in jeopardy! My life is in jeopardy! My curlies turned white and they're fallin' out! I. am. not. ROLLIN.

Iconsecretary45_medium  I just don't get it! Why can't you be near him?! It makes no sense!

Zookicon_medium  We share powers! Brothers do that! And I got all the intensity, and he got all the mellow!

Iconsecretary45_medium  And the smell?

Zookicon_medium  I got all that too. He got the moustache.

Iconsecretary45_medium  I didn't think brothers could

Zookicon_medium  WE CAN, ALL RIGHT? AND IF HE TOUCHES ME ONCE, JUST ONCE, I REVERT TO NORMAL RON, AND I REVERT TO NORMAL SLEEP!

Iconsecretary45_medium  And?!

Zookicon_medium  IT'S RETROFUCKINACTIVE! I'LL BE ASLEEP FOR THE NEXT EIGHT MONTHS! I'LL NEVER HAVE A JOB AGAIN! I'LL BE RUINED! I WILL BE TOO FUCKING BUSY BEING POOR AND FUCKING HOMELESS TO EVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS

Zookskiing_medium

Zookicon_medium  OR THIS

Ronzookreadytorock_medium

 

Zookicon_medium  EVER FUCKING AGAIN! NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A TEXT FUCKING MESSAGE TO SEND.

Iconsecretary45_medium  FINE! (leaves)

Zookicon_medium  Goddamn impossible to get a decent slob job around here. This place is nothing like Gainesvegas.

Ancestor_medium

Zookicon_medium  THE T9 FOILS ME AGAIN! THIS BETTER NOT BE FORESHADOWING A FATAL FLAW IN MY PLAN

Killbobert_medium

Back at Langley...

Jlemancaptainamericacut_medium

Iconreman_medium  Hand me a lugnut, Hammaker.

Soldierboy_medium  Sure thing, Leman.

Iconcell_medium  BEEP

Jlemancaptainamericacut2_medium 

Iconreman_medium  Doooowwwwwww

Iconreman_medium  Must kill ancestors.

Soldierboy_medium  What?!

Iconcell_medium  BEEP

Jlemancaptainamericacut2_medium 

Iconreman_medium  Doooowwwwwww

Iconreman_medium  Must kill Bobert.

Soldierboy_medium  Who's Bobert?! What's going on? Does Freedom Squadron Command know about this?!

Gun_medium  BANG

Soldierboy_medium  AW SHIT FUCK DAMN BALLS MY KNEES, YOU SHOT BOTH MY KNEES WITH ONE GUN BULLET

Iconreman_medium  Time to helicopter to Pensacola.

Soldierboy_medium  FREEEEEEEEEDOM :-(

TO BE CONTINUED