You might know we here at BHGP are degenerate drunken plagiarizing gambling addicts. What you may not know is we have the ear of Big Ten Pope Jim Delaney. When His Holiness wants to send an edict, we're his first call. After tonight's BCS Championship Game, we received the following message from the Vicar of the Upper Midwest.
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of defending you. I'm sick of trying to come up with excuses why you get your asses kicked every season. I'm sick of sending out my minions to stop those who predict your demise. I'm sick of fucking sweater vests. Most of all, I'm sick of being proven wrong.
I preach our academic superiority, despite knowing full well the story of Andy Katzenmoyer. I praise our knowledge of the game, despite the fact that a monkey with a typewriter could have known the blitzing, and the constant man-to-man coverage, was killing your defense. I praise our history, mostly because that's about all I have left.
You've left me no choice. You run your mouth all season, demanding your chance, only to play like Snoop Dogg's Pop Warner team on the biggest stage. You bring nothing to the table. You're outplayed. You're outcoached (hell, one of your own alumni just said so on national television). You're outclassed.
We're the Big Ten, and the fact that we have eleven teams is embarrassing enough. That flaw if now remedied. I'm sorry, Ohio State, but this is my decision. It is final. It is unequivocal. It is infallible.
On this day, January 7, 2008, Ohio State is hereby EXCOMMUNICATED from the Big Ten conference.