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BLOGPOLL: WEEK 1

Less predictiony/More predilectiony

Rank Team Delta
1 LSU 1
2 Southern Cal 1  
3 West Virginia 0
4 Oklahoma 2  
5 Louisville 5
6 Florida 2
7 California 7
8 Texas 3
9 Arkansas 0
10 Penn State 3  
11 Ohio State 0  
12 Wisconsin 3  
13 Georgia 9
14 Georgia Tech 12
15 Virginia Tech 8
16 Oregon 4
17 UCLA 1
18 Boise State 8
19 Auburn 7
20 Nebraska 1
21 Rutgers 0
22 Iowa 2  
23 Hawaii 2
24 Alabama 4
25 South Carolina 8  

Weekly Judgement Time: We can finally judge these mother fuckers based on football, and judge them harshly, to be sure. I dropped Michigan (HA!), Arizona (It was the pills!), and Florida State (More tapioca, Mr. Bowden?) in favor of Georgia Tech, Boise State, and Auburn. Winning doesn't guarantee you keep your spot either. If you're playing a cupcake, you need to devour the fuckers in one bite, like Oklahoma, Louisville, and Georgia Tech did. If you don't show an appetite for bloodlust [read that: Texas, USC, Virginia Tech] and don't arouse me sexually with your play, I will drop you in the rankings. Football is a hard game and if you can't excite another man with your play then you need to be gone.

Pimpslap Alert: To Frank Beamer: I'm not really happy with you using a tragedy to motivate your team this year. They didn't seem very motivated anyway, so I think it's time to hammer out some X's and O's, brother. Don't know if you saw their game, but LSU is really good. When factoring in your QB, Sean Glennon, and his weaknesses [read that: everything], I think you can hold off on the preparation of that congratulatory "Win #200" cake. I can see y'all taking a thumping the likes of which you haven't seen for awhile. I saw some vicious defensive lineman this past week, but nobody is meaner than Glenn Dorsey. He will eat your fucking face clean off and grin when he shits out your face mask. My challenge to you is to have your O outscore LSU's D. You do that and I'll be impressed. This smells like a 35 point pounding to me.

The Replacements: Clemson, Texas A&M, Colorado, Purdue, Tennessee, Texas Tech (YARRR!!!), and TCU. These teams are all clawing at the glass trying to get a spot at the big boy's table. I'm watching them closely to decide who'll be Va Tech's replacement.