clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

NIU QB Dan Nicholson speaks

This is such bullshit.

We got ready for the game by watching film of the Hawkeyes last year, and we were excited. How could we lose? They had good linebackers, a wholly immobile defensive line, and a secondary made of tinder and oily rags. I saw what Kellen Lewis did, and Kellen Lewis is no Dan "The Danimal" Nicholson.

Yeah. So imagine my joy when I drop back on third and decent during our very first fucking series and this #47 asshole doesn't just beat his guy, but then he comes after me so fast that my tailback just falls over instead of picking up the block. Thanks Justin. I'm sure you can stop a pass rush while you're sitting on your ass.

This sucked so much.

It was like that all. game. long. Seriously. I don't know who those fucking Chris Benoit maniacs were, but they kicked our asses. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to play football when you're getting knocked around and a 280-pound superhuman is burying his knee into your manhood? I don't think you do. It's miserable.

Look. I ain't a pussy. I'm "The Danimal!"  I've fought through position battles, two-a-days, and that one linebackers coach on my high school sophomore team--the one who was kind of molestery crazy in the locker room. I know what toughness is all about! So believe me when I tell you that last Saturday fucking sucked and fucking hurt. Then there's Coach Novak, telling me to step into my throws and keep my head in the game. Fuck that.

Sorry for not stepping into a helmet aimed straight at my aorta, coach.

Those Iowa guys did damn near everything right. Yeah, we were within a couple scores, but even I knew we weren't going to win. Don't believe me? Watch the tape again. Lord knows Coach Novak's gonna make us. We had one shot at the end zone, and Greg (Turner) tipped it to that #13 guy. Great. Like he needed another pick.

That was it. That was the only shot we had at the end zone. The rest of the time, I had to deal with shit like this:

I didn't see getting my ankle wrecked in the gameplan.

No seriously, thanks guys. I felt like being the meat of a prison rape sandwich.

If Coach Novak wants me to get back out there against a team like that again, fuck it. Let him go five minutes against a real defense like that. Let him find out what it's like to get killed while you complete half your passes. Let him get angry after three picks and no shots at touchdowns whatsoever. Otherwise, fuck this, I am done.