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Keeping The Man Busy, Week 4

Here's why athletic directors are frowning this morning...

Really though, once you've stabbed four people, what's to stop you from going after number five?: Tulane is without tailback Ray Boudreaux after he was arrested and accused of stabbing five people during last weekend's brawl on Bourbon Street. Be sure to click the link for a ridiculously unrelated sub-heading.

Boudreaux was ratted out by a "tipster" who recognized the tailback from security footage. The police then arrested Boudreaux at his home, where they found the knife used in the stabbing. Whether young Boudreaux was emotionally attached to his instrument of evisceration is unclear; there are but scant few other reasons why, if a four-time member of the C-USA Honor Roll had just stabbed five fucking people, one would not immediately dispose of the knife. Tulane suspended the junior, leading many to wonder what the fuck you have to do to actually get kicked out of Tulane.

Don't make a "don't tase me, bro" joke, bro:

Florida State linebacker Geno Hayes and fullback Joe Surratt, both contributors when healthy, have been suspended after a mildly unwise decision to beat the hell out of some policemen. I know, I didn't know you couldn't do that either.

Hayes's wild behavior led to him being tasered (tased?), while Surratt, on the mend with a broken leg, regarded the whole incident as perfect justification to rain blows upon the arresting officer.

I'm sure that there are some inconsistencies that will be disputed, namely whether the police were overly aggressive, a character trait that does not always mix smoothly with drunk as fuck athletes. Lost in the discussion, of course, will likely be the notion that you should probably not go beating cops in the head, even if they're seriously asking for it. Both gentlemen are suspended, with Surratt earning a charge of felony battery on an officer.

As always, I'm simply sure it was all worth it.

As for that "don't taser me, bro" jackass, he deserves no sympathy or honor. As blogger extraordinaire Burnsy exquisitely details, the guy is a self-promoting, classless moron. We are certainly no jackbooted authoritarians here at BHGP; as a matter of fact, this idiot's behavior cheapens actual political protest and patriotism. Look no further than Burma (okay, that's pretty far) and the stirring but peaceful protests against the junta to see what real dissent looks like.

Have we taught you nothing, Arkansas man?! Have our efforts been in vain?!:

Arkansas is without fumble machine running back Michael Smith, after he pulled a Dominique Douglas and began piling charges on a stolen credit card.

Actually, his role was more like that of Anthony Bowman; while Smith did not (allegedly) steal the card, he received it from a friend and (allegedly) used it to make unauthorized purposes. While Smith says he had no idea the card was stolen... dude. Seriously. Your name isn't on it, and neither is the name of the guy who gave it to you.

Once again, because it always seems to bear repeating: Don't ever, ever, ever commit credit card fraud. It's the easiest shit in the world to get caught doing, and you are F-U-C-T fucked if you even try it. I can't think of a criminal act that's easier to detect and prosecute. Just don't fucking do it.