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OFF THE RECORD

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I feel like a fucking traitor talking like this but jesus fuck, what's it gonna take for us to get a team to show up with some fire in their ass? It's not like it's been once or twice. This isn't an isolated incident. It's not a road thing either. Fuck, it's not even limited to a single season, since it's been going on for years. We show up flat more often than we show up with fire and I've had it. It comes from the top down, and Ferentz just doesn't do it. This fucking guy washes his hands after he goes to the bathroom, fuck, he probably fucking sits down to pee. You think Saban sits down to pee? I'm just done and I want a new coach. I don't want a coach that cries. I want a coach with a venereal disease. I want a coach with a mustache. I want a coach with an eye patch. I want a coach who screams at his players when they come to the sidelines. I want a coach who will rape your fucking parakeet if you run the wrong route. I want a coach with an accent so thick you can't understand a fucking thing he's saying when he gets worked up.  I want a fucking coach that answers a redundant question from Pat Harty by screaming YARRRRRRRRRRR!!! and storming out of the press conference. I want a coach who has chest pains when we lose. I want a coach filled with rage. I want a coach with bad teeth, bad suits, and a history of violence. I just want a new coach and I will never, ever, feel the same about Kirk Ferentz now that I've said all of this, because it's true. I do feel like a turncoat but I don't fucking care. This has been going on for 5 years and I haven't said shit. I'm done with his chino wearing, gum chewing, respectable ass. I want a mixture of Mike Leach, Stever Spurrier, and James Carville. I want a new coach.
Mother fucker.