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Why don't you have a seat over there?

Yes, it's time for football fans to continue their yearly obsession with teenagers, under the auspices of "recruiting." Larry Flynt and Chris Hansen (and their bank accounts) know better; you're all just scumbags.

So you're "BigHawkFan1968"? You know these kids are 17, right?

But we're scumbags too, so let's get started. We've got lots to talk about.

ITEM! Riley Reiff (three stars, if you care) is back in the fold after a brief, sex-crazed* fling with the Nebraska program. Reiff was one of Iowa's earliest offers and commits (4/15/07), so it's plain to see he was one of the coaching staff's biggest targets of the year. Congratulations to Reiff for making the right decision, and we hope the Nebraska coaching staff didn't give you crabs.

ITEM! Iowa added a tailback from Indianapolis named Jewel Hampton, and we hope he changes that to Juelz for street cred's sake. Otherwise, we hope this picture is misleading and he's actually a cute (if snaggle-toothed) blonde singer-songwriter from the mid-1990s.  Who will save your backfield?

ITEM! Joe Gaglione**, a linebacker from Ohio, was another commit after the 12/14 recruiting weekend. Despite decent size (6'4", 220) and speed (timed at 4.60), he had about as many I-A offers as I currently do before Iowa offered. Sounds a bit like Mike Humpal. Would you take 2 1/2 years of minimal contribution, two half-seasons of decent-solid play, and 1/2 season of all-Big 10 contribution? I would.

Also, it's times like these that we're thrilled that Hawk Harrelson isn't in the Iowa booth; say what you will about Ed Podolak pickling himself from the inside-out, at least we'll never have to worry about hearing him say "Joey with the tackle there, nice hit Gags!" I fucking hate Hawk Harrelson.

ITEM! Last, word on the street is that Iowa un-offered Tony Cornelius, which... we're not really sure how to feel about. First, can Iowa really afford to be choosy with tailbacks? Second, his name is Tony Cornelius, and if you can't dig that mess, you came to the wrong address. But on the other hand... this.

All right, kids; with that, my holiday break is beginning, and that's as good a time as any to begin an OopsPowSabbatical. BHGP staff will be checking in periodically, and if some 4-star kid commits or Jake Christensen snaps and shoots up a local Target (he'd fire about three feet behind or four feet above everybody; RIP Tacopants, 2005-2007), we'll let you know. Otherwise, don't worry about us for about a week or so. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and...

...a Festivus for the rest of us. Cheers.

*no evidence exists to support this claim; even if it does, we'd rather not see it.
**Odds that this is a fake name taken from
The Sopranos
: 75%