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Keeping The Man Busy, Week 11

Here's why athletic directors are frowning this morning...

Dessicated corpse, you are... NOT the father!: There's always something weird and gross about exhuming the dead. While we're not particularly spiritual or moral high-horsers around here (see the gratuitous "two girls one cup" tag on last weekend's open thread), dead bodies are--next to Phil Fulmer's undergarments--just about the last thing we'd like to touch, look at, or even consider.

So it was unsettling, then, to see that Notre Dame demigod George Gipp was exhumed recently; even moreso because it was over rumors that he'd fathered a child out of wedlock. Gipp, of course, was cleared in the paternity case after a lab removed his femur from the grave site and tested it with a descendant of the claimant. We're sure the Gipper is ecstatic about this revelation up in Catholic Heaven, next to the grandparents from Family Circus, although he'd likely much rather have both his legs.

Predictably, some members of the Gipp family have been upset about this whole ordeal, and we imagine their protestations were something along the lines of "You're fucking digging up my fucking grandfather? For a fucking paternity test? Fuck you, you fucking fuck! Fuck!" It may have actually been less sanitary.

As bizarre details go, this story is a goddamn gold mine, and we could go on for hours; instead, for brevity's sake, let me just repost the link HERE, and strongly encourage you to click. Our more potheaded readers will likely just stare at the screen and scream "What?! ... Oh my God! ... What?! ... Oh my God!" over and over. Life blows a stoner's mind!

(Oh, and the first person to comment or email as to specifically why I wanted to fill this item with references to Goodie Mob wins their own post. No foolin'.)

The story never says if she accepted; this being Columbus, I'm leaning "yes": Ohio State backup quarterback Antonio Henton was reinstated yesterday after pleading guilty to offering $20 to an undercover police officer for sex; the freshman had been suspended since his arrest in September.

How a quarterback can roam one of the largest universities in the nation and not find a single woman to have free, legal sex with is stunning beyond belief. Even Division III schools have jersey-chasers (this I know); a school like Ohio State would probably need a full-time employee in the athletic department to maintain working lists of ready and willing volunteers for casual hanky and/or panky. It's fair to assume that Henton is not a regular patron of the "oldest profession"; any sex that you can buy for only $20 is likely terrifying from both an aesthetic and sanitary perspective. We're talking bugs crawling everywhere.

The Henton Affair, of course, is the second-awesomest sex scandal involving Ohio State ever. #1 will never, ever be topped.