Butter... he'd be good slathered in butter... NUM NUM NUM NUM
It's common knowledge that I don't like Notre Dame or the Irish [the last part is pure self-loathing, Jebus is extremely Irish.--ed.]. The following post has nothing to do with any of that. I will also point out that at press time, Iowa is a bad football team. And, for the record, this will be the last time I will preface a story by pointing that out. Everyone knows we stink this year. However, just because my team is bad does not take away my inalienable right to criticize another team for being crappy. I am an Iowa fan but I'm not ultimately responsible for their problems on and off the field. So, this is purely about how terrible Notre Dame is.
It's not as though I hate Charlie Weis because he's fat, and, he is fat. Really fat. I don't even care for fat jokes. I think they're easy and unnecessarily mean, like pushing a toddler down a couple stairs. But when it comes to Charlie Chuck Roast I find the fat jokes to be hilarious. I laugh riotously at them even if I've heard them before. Fat jokes are just funnier when they're about Charlie. Why is that? I think it's because he's a seedy self-indulged prognosticator of misinformation and a pompous ass with an unprecedented sense of self-worth. Despite mounds of evidence to the contrary he really and truly believes he's a genius. Not just about football. I think he finds himself to be one of the great minds of our time. But let's table that for now and just talk about his offense. Notre Dame's offense is the worst. No seriously, they're 119th (out of 119) in the nation. Their 34 YDS/G rushing also ranks them dead last. Scroll down to the bottom there, they're 300 yards per game behind Navy. They're 30 yards per game behind Duke who's 118th. Charlie Weis makes Ken O'Keefe look like Rich Rodriguez.
What makes this even more delicious is that Notre Dame actually has talent. Believe me, they'll tell you about how great their recruiting is. All the pieces are in place there.
[i just had a piece from Slate.com detailing Charlie's bold arrogance and failure sent to me covering all of this, in much better detail, so... go read that. Sorry, Jebus.--ed]
I feel pretty... oh so pretty... and pink!