random-dementia Stories - Black Heart Gold Pants
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 3: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN
Meanwhile, as Ricky Stanzi's recovery continues in Iowa City... I swear to God, J, that if we play Stratego one more time I'm gonna vomit. Aw c'mon! I want to try the "bombs in the front row" defense. Well, now that I know what you are planning to... /flies into room GUYS GUYS GUYS What's...
MARCHIFORNICATION, ROUND 3: RETURN OF PAKISTANZI
-- Outside Beaver Stadium, Penn State University -- I can't believe that Paterno won't do business with me just because I'm Irish. I'm not even Irish! I'm Samoan or something! I can try to take Stanzi down alone again...but no, that won't work. I need JoePa, damn it! Maybe I can scare the old...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: PAKISTANZI RISING, THE FINALE
For those of you just tuning in, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 When we last left the story... Now it's time to find out who you are... /removes mask PAKI O'MEARA! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you snoopy kids! GOOD ONE SHAGGY Just a second, Amewicans! You fowgot...
MARCHIFORNICATION: PAKISTANZI RISING, PART 3
For those of you just tuning in, Part 1 and Part 2. Nighttime in Pyongyang... /patrols outside prison Hrr hrr hrrrrrr, hrr hrr hrrrrrr, hrr hrrr pee pee in your Coke... ROR It sure is dark out hewe I could sure use a frashright /walks past large shrubbery A SHRUBBERY! What was that? ...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: PAKISTANZI RISING, PART 2
Later, at Ricky Stanzi's house... /knocks on front door Yes, officer? /flies down, lands on Stanzi's shoulder You Richard Stanzi? Yes, sir. I'm here to inform you that Girls Generation is missing. All attempts to contact them in South Korea have been unsuccessful. We're working...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: RICKY STANZI VS. GIRLS GENERATION
In a locker room in South Korea... We need to continue practicing before we meet Ricky Stanzi in the Marchifornication tournament. We should want to impress him. Let's take it from the top again. Five, six, seven, eight! SHOW ME YOUR NEW MAKEUP IN A BRAND NEW SOUND SAY THE WORDS ALOUD...
Todd Lickliter and Greg McDermott Play Chess in the Park
At a chess table in a Des Moines park, summer 2010 It sure is hot out here. It sure is. Humid, too. These concrete seats are awful in the heat Yep. They sure get hot. ... ... Theresa is being a pain in the ass lately. All day with the gardening. Oy I know. Joez won't stop...
Tim Brewster Tweets
- Friday morning, before the Gophers walk through another spring practice, Tim Brewster examines a dry erase board in his offices at "The Bank" - /diagrams trick play What if we pulled the guard to block the middle linebacker? /changes diagram to pull guard And if the tight end has the...
Bas Rutten Narrates the Classics, Vol. 1: Undefeatable
NOTE: This has absolutely no connection to Iowa athletics in any way, but it's officially the offseason. What else are we going to write? For those of you with the great privilege of not getting punched in the head as a career or living in Davenport, Bas Rutten is a former UFC heavyweight...
Dominique Douglas Tries to Break Into MARCHIFORNICATION
Can I talk to Mister...Jagodinski? Is there a better time for me to reach him? Well, ma'am, I'm Dominique from GEICO and... Ma'am? Hello? GOD DAMN THAT MOTHERFUCKIN BIZNITCH IS GONNA RUE THE DAY SHE HUNG UP ON CITY BOYZ, INC. Hey 'Nique, you gotta keep it down, man! I'm trying to make...
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