joepa Stories - Black Heart Gold Pants
They Got The News, Time To Cruise In Brady's Jeep With The Top Down
LSUFreek, as usual, outdoes himself. I know this is up a little bit after the fact, but I can't stop laughing at it. In the left hand corner watch the little shimmy from Paterno. On the right, scratch your head and wonder in amazement as to how Freek ever found a photo of Dantonio smiling....
Ricky Stanzi NFL Draft Profile
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah, yeah, yeah Seven a.m., waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein' everything, the time is goin' Tickin'...
Joe Paterno And The Bracket Pool
(SCENE: inside the Penn State football offices.) HARLOT! WHERE ARE YOU?! I REQUIRE JELLO. AND PUDDING POPS. THE MAN IN THE COLORFUL SWEATERS ON THE TALKY BOX ASSURES ME THEY ARE DELICIOUS. ... HARLOT! COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANCE! (sighs) Over here, sir. And I'm an administrative...
Joe Paterno Retains A Quarterback
Scene: The Outback Bowl. Penn State and Florida have battled to a 30-24 score late in the fourth quarter. Penn State has the ball, and quarterback Matt McGloin is trying to drive his team down the field for the winning score. YOU CAN DO IT THROW A TOUCHDOWN IMMEDIATELY I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY,...
MARCHIFORNICATION, ROUND 3: RISE OF SIBERIAN COBRA
HERE CAT CAT CAT WHERE IS THAT GOD-FORSAKEN CAT SECRETARY Ugh. For the last time, all that happened was some drunk hobo offered you a raccoon in exchange for your pants and everything in them. You basically got robbed of your wallet and like 10 rubber bands, because what the fuck is it with old...
MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS: THOU FIRST ROUND IS OVERETH OR SOMETHING
Round one is completely in the books. No upsets, which displeases us mightily. Sort of. Actually, no it doesn't, because we really weren't prepared to have Jamie Pollard in the finals or anything. Next week, obviously, will consist of the "Elite Quarterfinals" from Monday through Thursday;...
MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS PART 1: JOE PATERNO VS. CORNSHOE HAMMAKER
SEED 2: JOE PATERNO PROS HANG ON JUST ONE SPANIARD'S MINUTE HERE Yes, Mr. Paterno? THANK YOU I KNOW FULL WELL CORNSHOE'S MODUS OPERANDI HERE HE LULLS YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY, THEN HE USES HIS DRUID MAGIC TO TURN AN ORDINARY HOUSEHOLD OBJECT INTO A CIVIL WAR CANNON AT WHICH POINT...
The Troubled Mind, And Building Of, Jay Paterno
Jay Paterno has been writing columns all over the internet (and maybe in print, but I wouldn't have noticed). They've been getting better, too. The most recent one is even kind of newsworthy: Broken Promises, Useless Contracts: The Current State of Coaching Both cliché and totally...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Seals The Deal
Scene: A familiar football office. The regular season is over, and the phones have largely stopped ringing, save for bored reporters. The same faces are in the office, but only to put in their minimum of hours for payroll's sake. An aging man stares at a newspaper, bewildered. THIS CROSSWORD MAKES...
REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: SECRETARY VS. RON ZOOK
Hi people, this is Secretary. So I get to the site, and boom, first thing outta Luis' mouth is, "Rick's here," and I think I told you a couple weeks ago, this is like Rick's building himself. Same dude that owns like halfa that Westdale Office Park. Yeah. I'd just like to remind you that...
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