joepa chronicles Stories - Black Heart Gold Pants
Big Ten Media Days: Joey And The Bobber
OKAY ...sir? YES Is that your opening statement? Just... "okay"? I NEVER HAD MUCH USE FOR THE FILIBUSTER, JUNIOR I see. THAT REMINDS ME OF THE STORY I TOLD TODD BLACKLEDGE ROUGHLY 30 YEARS AGO. TIMES WERE DIFFERENT THEN, AND PEOPLE DIDN'T LOOK AT FOOTBALL PLAYERS THE SAME WAY...
Ricky Stanzi NFL Draft Profile
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah-ah-ah Yeah, yeah, yeah Seven a.m., waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein' everything, the time is goin' Tickin'...
Joe Paterno And The Bracket Pool
(SCENE: inside the Penn State football offices.) HARLOT! WHERE ARE YOU?! I REQUIRE JELLO. AND PUDDING POPS. THE MAN IN THE COLORFUL SWEATERS ON THE TALKY BOX ASSURES ME THEY ARE DELICIOUS. ... HARLOT! COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANCE! (sighs) Over here, sir. And I'm an administrative...
Joe Paterno Retains A Quarterback
Scene: The Outback Bowl. Penn State and Florida have battled to a 30-24 score late in the fourth quarter. Penn State has the ball, and quarterback Matt McGloin is trying to drive his team down the field for the winning score. YOU CAN DO IT THROW A TOUCHDOWN IMMEDIATELY I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY,...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: JOE PATERNO VS. GARY BARTA
Scene: A spacious office with cardboard boxes everywhere. A middle-aged man and his son forlornly pack things away. So you're not going to go to the press and tell them about how you got railroaded out of town, Dad? Look. I know it would be superficially rewarding to get in front of as many...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Seals The Deal
Scene: A familiar football office. The regular season is over, and the phones have largely stopped ringing, save for bored reporters. The same faces are in the office, but only to put in their minimum of hours for payroll's sake. An aging man stares at a newspaper, bewildered. THIS CROSSWORD MAKES...
Joe Paterno Hosts Anthony Ferguson
Yes--yes, Mr. Bowden, I'm well aware that FSU scored 37 runs. No, they're runs, not points. This was baseball. So you can't-- Listen--it's not a win for you--I understand SportsCenter compared it to a football score. But that doesn--Yes, 37 is a big-- First of all, you weren't coaching,...
Tim Brewster Revises History
Scene: a dark, dingy office, which also happens to be the best office at the miserable university in the miserable state. It is noon, but the sun does not rise in Minnesota from mid-July to mid-June. A socially inept young man types anxiously at a computer. Suddenly, a door flies open. TRY BEST...
REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND TWO: JOEPA VS. TIM BREWSTER
FACE OFF Good morning, Mr. Paterno! WHAT Today's your second round matchup against Tim Brewster. WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT SECRETARY I'm right here. I was just talking to you three seco WHO IS TIM THE ROOSTER DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE LET JAY WATCH HIS CARTOONS AGAIN No no. Brewster....
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