Big Ten Media Day "Liveblog": Joe Paterno Speaks!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Err, gentlemen. I'm literally the only woman here. And please do not hit on me. Sportswriters are absolutely disgusting. Anyway, I'm Mr. Paterno's secretary. He should ...
The JoePa Chronicles: JoePa Writes Another Programming Note
HELLO AGAIN INTERNET, THIS IS MR. PATERNO, THANK YOU THAT NO-GOOD LAZY SPANIARD OOPS POW SURPRISE HAS ASKED ME TO WRITE TO YOU ABOUT HIS GOINGS-ON ELSEWHERE HE SAID HE WOULD DO THIS HIM...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Writes A Programming Note
HELLO PEOPLE THIS IS MR. PATERNO, THANK YOU, I AM LEARNING INTERNET IT APPEARS THAT DASTARDLY SPANIARD OOPS POW SURPRISE IS AWAY FROM HIS DESK AT THE MOMENT, THOUGH WE HAV...
The JoePa Chronicles: Gary Barta Finds Out About The Director's Cup
RING RING AHEM RING This is Gary. Hey, it's me. Oh, shit. Gary. (falsetto) Gary's not here right now, he's in a meeting with a bunch of very important people like George Bush and Oprah Stop it. We ne...
The JoePa Chronicles: Kirk Ferentz Visits Penn State
Right this way, Mr. Ferentz, Mr. Barta. This is the Lasch Football Building, where we have our training rooms, practice facilities, and coaching offices. Coaching offices? Yes sir, the entire sta...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Goes to the Hospital
(in a sunlit family room) ...and 63 Across is "Mess." There. 15 minutes is pretty good for a Wednesday, I think. I wonder what else is in the paper. It's weird having all this time to myself now t...
The JoePa Chronicles: The Legend of Cornshoe Hammaker
Man the artillery and cover the infantries, gents! I say, this is a fine day to win a war! Right as always, General Lee! With our Dragon Cannons, we can't lose a battle! Soon the War of Northern ...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Gets Ready for Election Coverage
SECRETARY SECRETARY (don't let him do this. you have a Master's in communication.) PARDON ME SECRETARY (don't let him call you "Secretary." that's not even your job title.) EXCUSE ME (b...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Runs Spring Practices, Part 1
We find Mr. Paterno seated with Athletic Director Tim Curley in a meeting room, flanked on either side by an attentative board of regents. Mr. Paterno is gazing anxiously at the wall clock and is visi...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Meets Terrelle Pryor
GOOD MORNING SECRETARY, LOVELY DAY TODAY It's 4 in the afternoon. IT'S ALWAYS MORNING SOMEWHERE, THAT'S MY MOTTO, YOU'D BE WISE TO LEARN IT Oh, sort of a way to approach life from an optimistic...
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