joepa chronicles Stories - SB Nation
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Seals The Deal
Scene: A familiar football office. The regular season is over, and the phones have largely stopped ringing, save for bored reporters. The same faces are in the office, but only to put in their minimum...
The Panchero's Zombie Assault, Explained
Hola Pancheros, what order I like turtles Que? Here or to go? I like turtles Que? No habla turtle, little English, habla Espanol, Pancheros. Burrito? I like turtles HEY COME ON NOW PAL I WANT T...
Joe Paterno Tries To Regroup After Last Week's Defeat
Scene: a practice field in the early fall afternoon. The air is turning crisp, and the sun's in more of a hurry to duck out every day. A small old man wanders amid a group of about 15 young men in foo...
Joe Paterno Confronts His Team's Injury Problems
SECRETARY SECRETARY What do you want? I'm on the phone like always. WHERE IS THE NEWSPAPER, I HAVE TO DO READING Can't you just go online? All the newspapers' stories are online anymore. NO I N...
Joe Paterno Hosts Anthony Ferguson
Yes--yes, Mr. Bowden, I'm well aware that FSU scored 37 runs. No, they're runs, not points. This was baseball. So you can't-- Listen--it's not a win for you--I understand SportsCenter compared it t...
Tim Brewster Revises History
Scene: a dark, dingy office, which also happens to be the best office at the miserable university in the miserable state. It is noon, but the sun does not rise in Minnesota from mid-July to mid-June. ...
REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND TWO: JOEPA VS. TIM BREWSTER
FACE OFF Good morning, Mr. Paterno! WHAT Today's your second round matchup against Tim Brewster. WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT SECRETARY I'm right here. I ...
Joe Paterno Makes A New Friend
A sunlit office. A man sits, forlorn, staring out the window at an empty practice field. He sighs, but to one deaf ear, as a secretary is enraptured by her telephone call. Uh uh! He ha...
Celebrity Big Ten Jeopardy
[Pre-emptive Terrorist Fist Jab to TOGTM] Welcome to Blogger Jeopardy. I'm your host, Will Ferrell's impression of Alex Trebek, and we have quite a contest in front of us. In third place, with nega...
Big Ten Media Day "Liveblog": Joe Paterno Speaks!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Err, gentlemen. I'm literally the only woman here. And please do not hit on me. Sportswriters are absolutely disgusting. Anyway, I'm Mr. Paterno's secretary. He should ...
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