j leman saves the world Stories - Black Heart Gold Pants
Better Know An Iowa Football (Non-) Opponent 2010: Illinois Fightin' Illini (Part Two)
The off-season is a long and tiresome trudge, so how can we best get through it? By looking ahead to next year, of course. So, in the spirit of forward thinking, we present a team-by-team look at Iowa's 2010 football opponents (with looks at Illinois and Purdue thrown in for good measure so our...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: PAKISTANZI RISING, THE FINALE
For those of you just tuning in, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 When we last left the story... Now it's time to find out who you are... /removes mask PAKI O'MEARA! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you snoopy kids! GOOD ONE SHAGGY Just a second, Amewicans! You fowgot...
REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: J LEMAN VS. OTHER SECRETARY
#2 SEED: J LEMAN Tournament bid: Awarded by Congress (at gunpoint) Pros The patron saint of BHGP Big Ten Network hero Loves America Loves Freedom Saved America at the China Olympics Defeated Ron Zook's nefarious plot Cons Was mind-controlled by Ron Zook of all people Statement ...
J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD, PART 5: THE PART WITH THE MOVIE
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 When we last left our hero... The Chaiwman didn't say you courd hatch any prans, Coach. As rong as we're got the guns, you wirr do as Mao terrs you to-- Two reports of a silenced gun ring out, and the armed guards slump to the ground. They're dead! But......
J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD, PART 4: THE RELEMANING
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 Scene: On the outskirts of the forested Chinese wilderness. Beijing's lights burn brightly miles away. One tall Chinaman leads a dozen Americans up toward a wooded area. Right over here, gentremen! Ouw finest weweworf ninjas! NO. WAY. No way! That's just a patch of...
J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD, PART 3
Part 1 | Part 2 The basketball teams are locked in intense battle! TWEET! FOUL! on who That is a foul on Yao. FOUW ON YAO?! Yessir, foul on Yao. HOW YAO FOUW?! NO FOUW ON YAO You clearly hacked the living shit out of Bosh. Anyway, that's five. You're done. NOW YAO FOUW...
J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD, PART 2
Part 1 Scene: A palatial estate in western China. An emporer stares out a window, deep in thought. I cannot see a thing. Fucking smog. A young helper walks into the room. Tea, your excerrency. The man takes one sip and lackadaisically tosses the cup aside. Tea again! It's tea evewy day!...
J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD, PART 1
Scene: Los Angeles airport. The USA basketball team boards a private jet to go to Beijing. A security guard takes count. All right, Kobe's here... morning, Dwight... and that's Lebron in back. Good. Quick head count here... there's Coach K... Hang on, Coach. We've got one too many. Security?...
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