The first week of April has come to an end, and with it, the NCAA Tournament. Many of you haven't checked a bracket since Davidson knocked out your Final Four team (or, in my case, 3 of my final 4 were crushed in 32 hours). Of course, there were better bracket prognosticators out there. Tonight, they collect their prizes for winning the BHGP Super Terrific Happy Fun Bracket Extravaganza.
Third place: Alwaysbetagainstbama and his 1980's-themed entry "Got that old time Ravel Dazzle"
HE'S ON FIRE!
Alwaysbetagainstbama (or ABAB, to his friends) scored 126 points by choosing all 4 #1 seeds to make the Final Four (really going out on a limb there, ABAB) and picking the championship matchup correctly. Unfortunately, ABAB compared the records of the two participants and chose Memphis to win. With 10 seconds left in the game, the BHGPSTHFBC was his. 'Twas not meant to be.
For finishing third -- and for espousing one of my 10 principles of college football gambling -- Alwaysbetagainstbama receives...NOTHING! Take that, chalk boy!
Second place: Chefhatstan and his, um, clealiness-themed entry "Off beat in the shower"
C'mon, this is a family blog
The Chef was only successful in picking two of the Final Four -- UNC and Kansas -- but he did it the old-fashioned way, by picking a Sweet 16 upset participant in Villanova and successfully crowning the Jayhawks. Of course, had he read BHGP in the week prior to the tournament, he would have known teams like Villanova and Davidson had no business even being in the tournament, and he could have placed Clemson in the Elite Eight like a real man. There's a reason I finished 59th.
For finishing second -- and possibly spending the last three weeks at The Chef's Hat restaurant on 24th and Central in Bettendorf, Iowa -- Stan wins...NOTHING! Should have listened to that Midwest preview and banked on Bill Self not winning the big one, buddy!
First Place: Dougbarrett1 and his aptly titled entry black-heart-no-pantz
I know it was you, oh pantless derivative of our Lord and Savior
Blatantly skirting the rules of the water-wine dichotomy is one thing, Jebus. But assuming another identity ("Dougbarrett1," which is Bible Code for "Believe in Siena") and adding another bracket is just too much. And to name it after your personal mantra is akin to hiding in plain sight.
"Doug" was extremely chalky, picking three #1 seeds and Duke (which is God's #1 seed). While Duke didn't quite work out, the other three made it, and Barrett's predicted final came true, with Kansas beating Memphis.
So congrats to Dougbarrett1 for winning the 2007 BHGP Super Terrific Happy Fun Bracket Challenge. He receives NOTHING for all his trouble. Duke. Give me a fucking break.
For the record, Jebus was the best of the Founding Fathers, finishing first twenty-sixth. OPS finished fifty-eighth, one spot ahead of yours truly. We never claimed we had any idea what we were talking about...
by jebushchristSun Mar 23, 2008 at 01:36:07 PM EDT
I aint got time to bleed!
I'm back at BHGP HQ after a few days on the road. It's been a difficult and amazing weekend - but it's not over. The games continue and if you're a real fan, so does your intensity. So your bracket's busted. So the Bulldogs blew it. So your liver's bleeding. Cry me a river. You can bleed all you want from April to August. Real fans watch games on Sunday too. Oh, and Easter? You lose. Hell, have a beer if you want. You won't be judged here. It's Marchifornication and this train doesn't stop.
Thread is open.
2:20 -- Duke (-4) vs. West Virginia
4:20 -- Wisconsin (-5) vs. Kansas State (O/U 130.5)
4:40 -- Xavier (-3) vs. Purdue (O/U 132)
6:40 -- Washington State (-2.5) vs. Notre Dame (O/U 133.5)
6:45 -- Stanford (-3) vs. Marquette (O/U 133)
6:50 -- Kansas (-13.5) vs. UNLV (O/U 136)
9:10 -- Pittsburgh (-2.5) vs. Michigan State (O/U 132)
9:15 -- UCLA (-10.5) vs. Texas A&M (O/U 125.5)
So far, I'm taking Stanford -3 and Purdue +3. I'm sure there will be more as we progress (that UCLA/A&M over is very tempting).
With Drake gone, we have no more rooting in the NCAA Tournament. Sure, there's Butler (71-51 winners) and sure there's Austin Peay (sounds like pee), but it's just not the same without the Dawgs around.
Also of note: my two-day substitute teacher spot at EDSBS has landed safely at BHGP Airport. It's not an Iowa blog, but Orson was kind enough to grant me a Stuff Black and Gold People Like column, a way for the rest of the sports world to get to know the Iowa fan. Other than that, there's the Curious Indexes and the Friday Cheesecake, and that's about all you readers might care about. Give it a look if you're so inclined.
As for now, we've got action in Tampa between UConn and San Diego. It's a tight one--with under 9 to play, San Diego leads by only one point, but UConn hasn't led since early in the first.
As always, leave your thoughts and prayers here, and we'll be in and out to discuss them with you.
12:15 -- Tennessee (-20) vs. American (O/U 141.5)
12:25 -- Gonzaga vs. Davidson (-1.5) (O/U 141)
12:30 -- Miami (pick) vs. St. Mary's (O/U 137.5)
12:30 -- Drake (-4) vs. Western Kentucky (O/U 140)
2:45 -- Butler (-4.5) vs. South Alabama (O/U 127)
2:55 -- Georgetown (-17) vs. UMBC (O/U 131.5)
3:00 -- Texas (-16) vs. Austin Peay (O/U 140.5)
3:00 -- Connecticut (-11.5) vs. San Diego (O/U 131)
For the record, I have Drake -4, San Diego +11.5, Gonzaga +1.5, Drake/WKU over 140, and Kige Ramsey eye rolls over 3.5...
I predict Drake will beat inbreeding by 6. This is Hawkeye State for BHGP Sports.
Thread is open. So is my beer. Marchifornication continues.
by jebushchristThu Mar 20, 2008 at 03:30:22 AM EDT
Marchifornication continues with your East Regional preview. Warning: this is your last chance to join the BHGP Super Terrific Happy Fun Marchifornication Bracket Challenge(Group #5862, password is gornstar) - do it now. And if you joined and didn't fill our your bracket (you know who you are), do so now. Cool?
To the preview!
[regional seeds in bold.--ed.]
Big head; little arms.
#16 Mount St. Mary's - The Mountaineers are on a hot streak, winning their conference tournament and the play-in game. I hope they're feeling good now, because they're about to feel bad. How bad? Like using a needle from a hospital dumpster to shoot up bad. 100% of Yahoo users picked against them. Think about that. You couldn't get 100% of a group to agree that boobs are awesome, yet there isn't 1 person with any doubt that North Carolina is going to win. Mount St. Mary's: The Great Uniter!
#1 North Carolina - Simply the best. They're top ranked in the polls. #1 in the country in offensive efficiency. They have the best player in Tyler Hansbrough. They don't cheat. They don't even shit. It's true: North Carolina players don't poo. They're as close to perfect as you get in this tournament. I can't make an argument for another team in this region representing the East in the Final Four so stick with the Tar Heels.
I'll continue with the preview anyway.
You wearing the Nikes daddy sent you? puurrrrrrrr...
#8 Indiana - The Hoosiers are a hot mess. A brief history in time:
They fire Bob Knight, the greatest coach in college sports history.
Then, they fire his replacement, Mike Davis, just a couple years removed from the Final Four.
They replace Davis with Kelvin Sampson, cheater.
They quickly fire Sampson for, you guessed it, more spirited cheating.
I don't get this. It's like dating a stripper and breaking up with her for having too many ones in her snatch at the end of the night. The guy has a crippling addiction to his phone. I know people like this. It's a silent killer. He needs help. And now, so does, Dan Dakich, who's about to be fired. It's not because of a lack of talent - Eric Gordon and Big Ten POY DJ White are one of the most talented one-two punches in the country. The problem is their consistency, in so much as they consistently play down to the level of their opponent. They can't beat Carolina, so let's move on.
#9 Arkansas - I watched 11 seconds of Arkansas this year, which coincidentally, was the exact length of Dana Altman's tenure with the Hogs.
He looked as comfortable as a cat in a room full of rockin' chairs. Not gonna lie, I don't know who their coach is. Whatever, the Hogs can't beat Carolina, so let's move on.
Continuing our NCAA preview and its loose association with reality, we come to the South Region of the bracket, where everything is wide open or something. Your top seeds are Memphis and Texas, but don't sleep on Oral Roberts. They're due.
Get your crash helmets, Dorsey's shooting a free throw.
#1 Memphis - The Tigers are hardly admirable--there's no less respectable player in the NCAA than Joey Dorsey--but Jesus, they're good at what they do. They've won 30 games for the third straight season, becoming only the second program to accomplish that. Ever. But they are terribly flawed. For all their athleticism, they're not particularly poised, especially at the foul line. When Tennessee beat them, it wasn't much of an upset.
#16 UT-Arlington - Yes, I know Spanky put you in the Elite 8, but he was operating under the influences of random chance, Triscuits, and a powerful mixture of cough syrup and grain alcohol. You are about to play Memphis and you are about to die.
Oregon
#8 Mississippi State - If you haven't heard of Jarvis Varnado, then... that's not surprising at all. Now's a good time to learn, though; he's averaging nearly five blocks a game, which is the highest since the NCAA abolished stepladders in 1978. He's not particularly gifted on offense, but 4.6 fucking blocks a game here people.
#9 Oregon - THERE'S NO D IN OREGON LOL. Okay, granted, you can say that about every team in this region except Stanford and Denducky, but holy hell, Oregon, play some defense. They're the worst of any at-large team on defense--Ken Pomeroy ranks their adjusted defensive percentage as 125th in the NCAA, which will not lend itself to a long run in the tournament, especially with Memphis lurking nearby. Did I say lurking? I meant sprinting and destroying. Anyhoo, they're just 6-9 in their last 15 games, scarcely deserved a 9 seed, and won't be away from home for very long.
(1) Kansas -- The good news? They have just about everything: They're big, athletic, fast as hell, tough on defense, and surprisingly experienced.
The bad news? Let's take a look at the last three years.
2007 - #2 UCLA 68, #1 Kansas 55, and a thorough bitch slapping at that.
2006 - #13 Bradley 77, #4 Rock Chalk 73, and described on ESPN.com as "unprepared and overwhelmed from the start."
2005 - #14 Bucknell 64, #3 Rock Chalk 63...I think that one speaks for itself.
And then there was 2003 Illinois. And 2001 Illinois. And so on. And so on. I'm not blaming it on Bill Self, but his teams have a little trouble with the tournament. OK, maybe I am blaming it on Bill Self.
(16) Portland State -- At least they keep Jerry Glanville gainfully employed!
(8) UNLV --
Solid veteran guard play? Check (this weekend, take a moment to watch Wink Adams).
No problem putting points on the board? Check.
Held 12 of its last 14 opponents under 65 points? Check (and, yes, I know it's the Mountain West).
Won 7 of its last 8, including a shitkicking of the conference regular season champ in the tournament final? Check.
I would normally say this is the team destined to beat KU, but they don't have the discipline to slow the game down and beat the crap out of Sasha Kaun.
(9) Kent State -- Iowa lost its two best scorers and imploded. Kent State lost its two best scorers and, rather than going the way of the Hawkeyes, distributed the points better than any other team in its conference. Four players scoring between 10 and 14 (for a team that averages less than 70 a game), and a cast of thousands of role players who all do way too much with the little they have. They're a difficult draw for UNLV. While you're watching Wink Adams, take a look at Al Fisher.
by jebushchristThu Mar 13, 2008 at 03:55:09 PM EDT
That just happened. Not exactly a "march" on San Antonio. Perhaps "stagger" back to Iowa City is more fitting? The loss today was every bit as ugly as the entire season. You could show today's game to someone who hasn't watched a second of Iowa basketball this year and they would know. They'd just know. The inconsistent defense and turnovers may not have been enough to lose it today, so we added a new weapon to the mix. That weapon? Getting Cyrus Tate to the free throw line 17 times. See, this is bad, on account of Cyrus being one of the worst free throw shooters in school history. We went over 16 minutes in the second half with no field goals -- none -- and just 8 made free throws. It was hard to watch, like the entire season, and now it's mercifully over.
Where do we go from here? Well, for starters, we can officially separate ourselves from the 2007 football season and the 07-08 basketball season. For me personally, they were collectively the most painful seasons of my lifetime. The only thing worse than their seasons, was the decision to start an Iowa Hawkeye blog in the midst of them. Bad move. But we're not quitting! Quite the contrary. We've only just begun. Letting go of last year's [you're already calling it "last year"? wow.--ed.] baggage will feel good. It'll be therapeutic. That's where we come in. This thread is the place for you to dump your bile, hate, and vitriol at the 07-08 football and basketball seasons. Scream, holler, and caterwaul at the gods. Say things you don't mean. Let it out. Then we're going to put it to rest here and move on to good happy stuff, like the NCAA Tournament, the upcoming Spring Game, and American Idol.
MARCHIFORNICATORS, ASSEMBLE! Have we got an activity for you. While joining the BHGP Tournament Challenge group on Yahoo is great (and you certainly ought to if you haven't already; click here, enter League ID 5862, password gornstar), it's not, uh, self-referential enough.
Therefore, let's create some high drama around here, folks! We're proud to present the 66th Annual BHGP Bracket Madness!
Yes, it's Father vs. Son. It's the beautiful vs. America The Beautiful. It's genius vs. epic fail stupid. It's Marchifornication, is what it is.
We'll be posting two polls a day during the first round, then one a day afterwards. We'll be crowning a BHGP King on Friday, March 28. Print out your brackets now, distribute them through the office, and get down to enjoying "March Bracket Madness" (hey, that seems kind of catchy).
Everyone involved is allowed, and in fact encouraged to do everything in their power to improve their chances of winning. Hawkeye State said he would pose in a bra, and if Pat Harty would email us a stump speech, we will print it, unedited, in all its glory. Casey McMillan may--actually, wait a second. If he's allowed to do everything in his power, he'd kill everybody in the tournament and the universe would explode. But everybody but him is expected to fight tooth and nail to win. There is no set of rules. There is no disqualification. There is only Marchifornication.
The Big Ten Bloggers Basketball Poll is a labor of love supervised by Gopher Nation, voted on by a variety of bloggers with varying degrees of hoops knowledge. Hawkeye State usually writes this feature, but he insisted on performing the music for this final iteration instead. I, Oops Pow Surprise, am not one to dissent. These dogs got chops!
You should see the outtakes.
In the spirit of Europe, Hawkeye State, Gob and Buster, let's count these teams down, one final time.
11. Northwestern (8-21, 1-17)
God, you sucked this year, Northwestern. I don't care if you took Iowa to the wire, twice. 1-15 in this, the worst BXI in recent memory (and that, friends, is saying a lot) is totally inexcusable. How Kevin Coble didn't pull a Doom 2 and just mow everybody down with a chainsaw or a shotgun is beyond me.
10. Michigan (9-21, 5-13)
Technically, Michigan is light-years ahead of Northwestern and could make a case for 9th or 8th. But for the love of Jimmy Naismith, Michigan's first-year slide raised Tommy Amaker into Uncle Glen territory--well, up until the transcendently hilarious Harvard recruiting scandal, of course.
9. Illinois (13-18, 5-13)
Yes, Illinois's record was dogshit awful this year, and there's scant hope for next year. But let Ken Pomeroy's supermathcalculator do the talking here--they weren't actually that bad. The Pomeroyanian ranks Illinois as the #39 team in the country, and their schedule would lend that notion some credence. They lost to Duke, Maryland, and Arizona in the non-conference tilt. They had to face every top BXI team twice--their single-game opponents were Iowa and Northwestern. They were almost always competitive and led late in many games. So we're sticking them ahead of Michigan. Bruce Weber, your thoughts?
FIFTEEN WINS, MY GOODNESS, THAT TOPS THE ZACK MILLS ERA
LET ME REITERATE THAT I HATE HIM
Who are you talking to?
I'M LEARNING INTERNET
6. Ohio State (19-12, 10-8)
We hope Kosta Koufos sticks around for a while and someone at the BTN gives him the Flavor Flav treatment and calls him Kosta-Kost. Admit it, you want to hear someone say "Kosta-Kost goes coast-to-coast!" Even though he never does that, ever. Anyhoo, good luck with that 11 seed in the tourney this year, guys. Greg Oden says hi.
5. Indiana (25-6, 14-4)
Between the loss of Kelvin Sanctions and the loss at Penn State, we cannot seriously justify giving the Hoosiers any sort of credit for this season. They have two wins against Top 25 teams for the entire year, Eric Gordon wears a t-shirt because he lost a bet and has a schlong tattooed on his shoulder, and we're still not forgiving the program for the Tom Coverdale Era. Fuckers are lucky we gave you fif.
4. Michigan State (24-7, 12-6)
Figures the SPARTANS went out with a loss, doesn't it? Let's go back to what one incredibly sexy and talented writer had to say about MSU back in November:
3. Michigan State I'm willing to overlook the GVSU debacle for now--to a point. Drew Neitzel as the preseason Big Ten POY? Really? First of all, what a ridiculous award to give out. What's the point? Second, I'm not totally sold on their front court. Goran Suton is routinely hilarious in his ability to give the ball up under no duress whatsoever. If you ever want to watch a 6'11" man dribble a ball off his own foot or blow two straight layups with nobody around him, Suton is your man. Then there's Marquise Gray, who's supremely athletic on each side of the ball but utterly clueless with the ball in his hand. Those two aren't even the worst of MSU's offenders; Idong Ibok (giggle) was matched only by Minnesota's Kevin Payton in terms of giving the ball up. The Wonk covered their turnover woes extensively last year, and I imagine that the pages of Basketball Prospectus will be similarly pre-occupied this year. Shame, really; they're talented enough to run away with the conference.
I am fucking right always.
3. Purdue (24-7, 15-3)
The name "Baby Boilers" is misleading, as none of their players were, in fact, babies. All were at least 18 years of age. We strongly recommend the movie There Will Be Blood, as Daniel Plainview routinely serves his son a Baby Boilermaker, which is whiskey and milk. Anyhoo, unlike Plainview, Matt Painter deserves much recognition and laudatory attention for his job raising his young charges. He, drinks, your, coach of the year milkshake! SLUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPP! He drinks it up!
2. Wisconsin (26-4, 16-2)
Another empty year for Bo Sanctions, the Ron Zook of the Big Ten, as he rides his mercenary, one-and-done recruits to a high-yet-unfulfilling finish in the conference. Their inexperience and lack of discipline will undoubtedly lead to another early exit, all while the NCAA somehow refuses to investigate. We don't trust Soulja Bo and neither should you. With any luck, this conference cancer will go out west where rulebreakers belong.
1. Iowa (13-18, 6-12 31-0, 18-0)
YEAH! FUCK YEAH! MARCHIFORNICATION! WHOOOO!!! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!
A message to all those celebrating Marchifornication:
Did you know there are only 6 days remaining before Selection Sunday?
Did you know that the magical technology of the Internets allows you and all other Marchifornicators the opportunity to compete in a college basketball tournament selection competition with the Founding Fathers of BHGP?
Did you know I'm wearing pants, but only under protest?
So join us, loyal Commentariat, in our newest interactive contest: The BHGP Super Terrific Happy Fun Marchifornication Bracket Challenge on Yahoo Sports. Just go to Yahoo Fantasy Sports, randomly click on pictures and words until you are allowed to enter your College Basketball Tournament Pick'em private league information, and enter the following:
Group ID#: 5862 Password: Gornstar
Call him anything else at your own peril
The winner gets one year of free commenting privileges! So go ahead and be crazy. Put Drake in the Final Four (you know OPS is). Pick South Alabama to beat Texas (you know I will). Take Ohio State away from home against anyone (um, nobody should do that). Dream of Marchifornication.
FIFTEEN WINS, MY GOODNESS, THAT TOPS THE ZACK MILLS ERA
Who are you talking to?
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