[promoted from diaries.--JHC.]

I am Fake Bill Martin, and my first choice to replace Lloyd is obvious.  It's an Iowa guy, but not that Iowa guy.

Let's see now.  What do I want in a coach?

1.  Someone who beats the shit out of the teams he supposed to crush, every time, and plays tOSU tougher than any team in the country.  A guy who will take our talent and make us scary-tough.  

2.  A teacher.  Not some bloviating coattails-hanger like Weis, but the real deal.  A guy who has made something out of nothing.

3.  A guy who can say to an 18 year-old:  "You want to play in the NFL?  Let me tell you what it was like for me, coaching a Hall of Famer ..."

4.  A guy who has been down, very far down, and innovated, and worked, and created a dominant force that ... beat the shit out of Lloyd a few times.  A guy whose name gives people a little frisson of unpleasant, shameful memory, when his people drove over us like they were the truck, and we were the little orange cones.

5.  A guy Mary Sue can get behind.

6.  A guy I don't have to pay $3mm out of the gate.

7.  A guy who has been in the NFL so he will manage his staff like they are employees, not friends.

Who's this guy?

No, not Ferentz.  He just lost to Western Michigan, for chrissakes.  Who do they lose to next?  Oberlin?  The bloom is off that rose, though I suppose he'll still stand up in front of the lapdog Iowa press and issue those same old non-denial denials about our job and coyly say "that's not going to happen" or some shit, in order to get himself a new bubble over the indoor practice field.

But you're close.  The man I want worked for Ferentz, and candidly, Iowa has been on a downward slope since he left.  I am going to go after Joe Philbin.

Think about it.

Philbin has transformed Green Bay and Favre (who's playing like he's 28, not 38), in his first year as OC.  He'll be interviewed for an NFL head-coaching job, this year.  Maybe he'll get one.  He would be also a great hire for me at Michigan, because he is a proven developmental coach, with major Big Ten and NFL bona fides, a lineage working for a coach I respect (a little bit) (Ferentz) and at universities Coleman respects (Iowa, Harvard).  

Philbin couldn't get promoted at Iowa City.  Suckers.  Thanks, Kirk.  You got yourself a major O-wizard there, racking up 19 points a game this year when it takes 28 per to be competitive.

Did Joe Philbin think he could coach offense as well as his boss, KOK?  Who knows.  He worked for KOK previously at Allegheny, but then he was the OC at Harvard before moving to Iowa City.  In any event, he's answered the question this year, resoundingly.  He can coach an offense.  Ask Brett.  Brett either has found a new pharmacist, or Brett has a new O and coach who has his shit totally together.

Back in Iowa City, they have that nice man, Morgan, who was hired as the Iowa high school recruiting coordinator (there's an optimistic joining of terms), covering Philbin's former position.  They haven't had a dominant O-line since Philbin left.  They haven't developed a dominant lineman (i.e., the caliber of Gallery or Steinbach or Nelson) since Philbin left.  Basically, for five years they've lived off Philbin's memory.  Now they don't even have to convert walk-ons to O-linemen but their line was worse than ours this year, and ours sucked.  

They traded Philbin, in essence, for the head coach at IC West High; Philbin's career needs could not be satisfied in Iowa City.  But I can sure fix that in Ann Arbor.

I'm not sure this trade worked out for Iowa.  Sucks to be them.  Their line and their offense have never been the same.   2002 was the year Pete Carroll pointed to when he said Iowa once had an extraordinary O.  That was Philbin's last year.

All of my donor dudes in business are familiar with the middle managers who quietly carry entire organizations, and get the credit and comp due them only after they leave.  They're telling me to find that kind of guy.  

Who needs to crawl on his hands and knees to hire some megalomaniac like Miles?  Joe Philbin has done amazing things and everyone who bothers to examine the record will say I'm a fucking genius for hiring him.  And woe to any offensive lineman who doesn't buy in and start pounding his way downfield.  

Iowa was really stupid to let this guy go.  Always promote your best, never protect your friends.  How they think they're going to win in Iowa City without a Philbin-quality O-line is mysterious.

I am Fake Bill Martin, I can see the future, and it looks like Gallery, Nelson and Steinbach zone blocking right -- in the maize and blue.

You're hot, you're super fucking pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree!

--Mr. White

First, it is not altogether unfair to heap scorn and blame at the feet of Ken O'Keefe for the disastrous state of the Iowa offense this year. Let's be clear about that.

What I do hear quite frequently are things like, "O'Keefe must go now," "put in the spread," "He's the biggest problem," etc. etc. And yes, while he's certainly an easy and obvious target, I hesitate to deem him the biggest stumbling block to Iowa success.

First, in regard to installing a spread offense: Are you fucking nuts?

There is no indication whatsoever that the receivers can run spread routes effectively. We're already complaining about the lack of timing and execution by the receivers, right? That's exactly what the spread is predicated upon! You couldn't possibly make things harder on these kids. The entire offense has about two and a half game-ready receivers right now: James Cleveland, Trey Stross, and DJK counts for about a half. If you turn around this week and toss them into a system where four receivers have to run precise routes, it'll be a bloodbath.

Maybe we can "open things up" during the off-season. Maybe. But switching offenses isn't as easy as freaking NCAA or Madden. There are new sets of routes, new blocking assignments, new formations, new damned near everything. If you really want to see institutionalized ineptitude, you'll be rooting for Iowa to come out in a spread formation this Saturday.

In regards to the "fire O'Keefe or fire Ferentz" nonsense, Reese Morgan is probably a bigger sideline liability than KOK. At least O'Keefe was doing his job well when things were going well. Reese Morgan's been with Iowa for 8 years, but after three solid years as recruiting coordinator and coaching tight ends (see Clark, Dallas), he moved to coaching the offensive line after the 2002 season, when Joe Philbin left. It seems now that this team misses Philbin (now the offensive coordinator for the 4-1 Green Bay Packers) more than we ever would have imagined. It certainly seems likely that he was every bit as responsible for the development and sustained success of the offensive line as S&C coach Chris Doyle was.

Indeed, the drop-off in line play seems be nearly synchronous with the departure of the linemen that spent at least two years coached by Philbin. Observe the draft positions of Philbin guys and Morgan guys, defined as spending most of their college career under the coach:

Joe Philbin

Steinbach - 2nd round
Nelson - 2nd round
Sobieski - 5th round
Gallery - 1st round
Porter - undrafted
McMahon - 6th round

Reese Morgan

Elgin - 7th round
Ferentz - undrafted
Yanda - 3rd round (nice catch, anonymous)
Jones - undrafted

Obviously, there's no point in listing draft positions of dropouts and career backups, but consider that of the current linemen, only Seth Olsen and Rafael Eubanks look like potential draftees, and neither seem particularly dominant. That's, how you say, not so good.

Look, Reese Morgan is a good guy, and he was a great tight end coach. Dallas Clark's an obvious example, but Erik Jensen and Ryan Majerus were bona fide starters themselves. How easy it was to have tackles with receiver-eligible jerseys on the ends, taking up linebackers' play action responsibilities on third and short.

But that's not Morgan's job anymore. Offensive line coach is, and the line's been offensive in a different way for a couple years now. Worse, it doesn't look like it's getting any better, and that matters a whole lot more to the future success of the football team than any stylistic concerns we've got about play-calling or "using the whole field."