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OPEN THREAD: IOWA BEGINS THEIR MARCH ON SAN ANTONIO

Tiny by jebushchrist on in News

I wasn't kidding - Iowa's going to win the Big 10 Tournament and their march on San Antonio begins today with a win against Michigan. I could preach about how this is going to happen, but I won't do that. Only 1 fact is relevant here - Iowa has the best tournament record of any Big 10 team at Conseco Fieldhouse. Anything else is superfluous (and totally damaging to my theory) and I refuse to discuss it.

Join us today for commentary on the game, the first signs of March daytime drunkenness, and a special appearance by J Leman [seriously?--ed.] [probably not, but teasers always lie.--JHC.].

Go Hawkeyes!!!!!

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We may be down 15-7 in reality,

...but in my mind, we're already up 65-3.  Also, The Virus has 45 points.

Woooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!  GO HAWKS!!!!

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:22 AM CDT   0 recs

20-7

All hell is breaking loose. Again.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:22 AM CDT   0 recs

Good gravy

Iowa can't stop giving the ball away. This might be over by the half.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:25 AM CDT   0 recs

This is not good

Not the start we wanted, to be sure.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:26 AM CDT   0 recs

sigh

Fuck.  Shut up Dolph.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:26 AM CDT   0 recs

New and interesting ways to turn the ball over

Tony Freeman dribbles the ball so long, Cy Tate falls asleep in the paint and is called for a 3 second violation.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT   0 recs

22-9 now

But we will lead at the half. I can feel it.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT   0 recs

Are you a masochist?

Listen to the game at KSCJ.com.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT   0 recs

"Cyrus 'mezmerized' by Tony's dribbling..."

Gotta be the first mezmerization by TF's dribbling, ever.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT   0 recs

Iowa's CLAWING back!

Always good to hear Dolph say things like, "After being down 13, the Hawkeyes are within 11."

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:28 AM CDT   0 recs

For some reason

I sort of like listening to these games when Iowa's getting blown out. I enjoy hearing Gary Dolphin give up on the inside.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:31 AM CDT   0 recs

Listen, pal

He's a third team all-Big 10 player. You can't go around hating the most celebrated member of the team.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:33 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

25-11

Michigan's fifth three of the game, and they're on pace for 15.

Meanwhile, Iowa has somehow just committed back-to-back charges. I'm not sure I've ever seen that before.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:32 AM CDT   0 recs

We got Michigan playing our game now

They're trying to "out turnover" the Hawkeyes?
Bitch, please.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:35 AM CDT   0 recs

I like how Hansen

thinks Tate will make this free throw.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:35 AM CDT   0 recs

Cyrus the Virus

Is playing like it's the second half. He's throwing around some D too. This is good to see (in the final game of his career)!

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:36 AM CDT   0 recs

He's a junior!

I'll not have you impugn my son's integrity, Jebus.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:40 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I assumed

you'd pressure him to declare for the draft.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:43 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

My son

should do whatever he feels is best. I'm not an overbearing dad.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

BTN announcer guy-

"Wolverines up by 10, at the moment..."

as if Iowa can score 11 points and take the lead in a moment's time.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:37 AM CDT   0 recs

It's early

Indianapolis is a city that sleeps late.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:41 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Indianapolis is a city?

I always just assumed the "-opolis" was you know, just for looks.  

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

27-18 now

Tate has hit 3 straight free throws, which for him is like Cal Murphy hitting 50 in a row.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:41 AM CDT   0 recs

In related news

Calvin Murphy just impregnated 4 more women.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

get it?

"related news"...
forget it

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

um...

So after some investigative reporting, I just found that of the women 14 Murphy impregnated illegitimately, 5 were his own illegitimate daughters, so... that was probably in poor taste.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

this is awesome

Iowa is making their comeback by having Cyrus the Virus at the free throw line. This is hilarious.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT   0 recs

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

Justin Johnson drives to the hoop?!?!?!

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT   0 recs

Good god

Tony Freeman might foul out with 5 charges.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:43 AM CDT   0 recs

I was gonna say the same
Which would actually be sort of cool, in a nauseating sort of way.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Seth!!!!

I love Seth Gorney.

Why do we suck so bad?  I mean, I understand I should already know this but, by golly, Michigan is horrible!

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT   0 recs

jesus

get The Virus outta there!

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:46 AM CDT   0 recs

thank you

last thing we need is a third foul in the final minute of the half.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I...

hate listening on the radio.

I will now go to the bar and get bombwasted so my coworkers smell booze on my breathe when I get back. Then I'll get fired. Then I'll find JR Angle....

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:46 AM CDT   0 recs

Matt

Can Matt Gatens play yet?

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:48 AM CDT   0 recs

Hey, it's Justin Johnson!

Remember him????

Good to see Iowa not even trying on the defensive glass. It has cost them, what, 7 points?

34-25 Michigan at the break.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:49 AM CDT   0 recs

SETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

way to block out, kid...

Iowa down 34-25 at the half

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:49 AM CDT   0 recs

that BTN "reporter"

was stiffer than a wedding prick. It was like a sequel to Mannequin.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:50 AM CDT   0 recs

Andrew McCarthy's ears perk up

quickly realizing it's a false alarm, he goes back to rifling through my garbage for scraps.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Sterling A/T ratio, Hawkeyes

.375/1 is outstanding work. Cocksuckers.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:57 AM CDT   0 recs

The polls are still open!

OPS is making a comeback on Pat Harty, he's now down just 22-18.

dmbmeg continues to dominate (RAWRRRRRRR!!!) J Leman, 46-28.

If you haven't voted, do so now.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:58 AM CDT   0 recs

VOTE OPS

I guarantee you I will never subject you to an OopsPowvalanche. Isn't that enough?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

And by work

I mean look at the internet all day like me.

by dmbmeg on Mar 13, 2008 12:02 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

In that case,
I'm working my ass off.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

This is just the beginning

We will do our part to destroy our nation's workplace productivity throughout March.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:05 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

NEVER

PEOPLE NEED JEANS.

by dmbmeg on Mar 13, 2008 12:07 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Dolphisms, vol. 3149

Hearing him struggle with the word "telltale" is a sublime pleasure.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:05 PM CDT   0 recs

again, the BTN reporter

So wooden she makes Erin Andrews look like Robin Williams.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:06 PM CDT   0 recs

40 seconds into the 2nd half

Michigan has already scored five points and forced an Iowa timeout. Attaboy, Hawks.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:06 PM CDT   0 recs

And a turnover

Don't forget the turnover!!

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:08 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

GORNOGRAPHY

The jump hook is devastating. It can't be stopped.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT   0 recs

Holy shit!

Gorney with the floater? Nice.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT   0 recs

MORE SHIT THAT'S HOLY

JJ just got a steal!

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT   0 recs

Thank God we have Alex Thompson

I actually partied with him in December.

Do you remember him having the qualities of a used bag of douche?

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT   0 recs

A-Thomp

I do remember being stunned at how bad he was at basketball. That probably has to do with the fact that [name redacted] was coaching him.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:12 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Crazy thing is

He's decent on defense at least, and people have wanted him to start at times.

I can't watch the game, so let's just go back to dreaming about Brody.

[sigh]

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:14 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

jesus christ

Seth actually blocked out that time and the fucker went right over his back.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:12 PM CDT   0 recs

For clarification's sake

I am referring to a 3-point bucket by Michigan Wolverine DeShawn Sims, not the third iteration of the popular "The Sims" computer game franchise.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:14 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Banging head slowly against the wall

it is the only thing that makes the pain go away

by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:15 PM CDT   0 recs

I wonder where Jess Settles is right now?

Probably doing coke off of some hooker.

or watching the game.

Or both.

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:16 PM CDT   0 recs

Apple turnovers for everybody!

Ball tipped off of Gorney, TO #11 for Iowa. Michigan leads 44-29. I want to start drinking right now.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:17 PM CDT   0 recs

Dear Iowa

You know how when you're down by 13 with two minutes to go and scrap the offense and start jacking shots up and you actually do better? Do that now while you're not completely out of contention.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:21 PM CDT   0 recs

unfortunately

Freeman and Peterson are like Jon Beutjer and Zack Mills

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:21 PM CDT   0 recs

Seth Gorney

HawkeyeSports only lists weight, no height.

Is he an amorphous shape changer?

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:27 PM CDT   0 recs

Seth's height is immeasurable

It's kinda like trying to weigh light.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I'd cry too

if I looked that much like