BHGP BRACKET MADNESS
MARCHIFORNICATORS, ASSEMBLE! Have we got an activity for you. While joining the BHGP Tournament Challenge group on Yahoo is great (and you certainly ought to if you haven't already; click here, enter League ID 5862, password gornstar), it's not, uh, self-referential enough.
Therefore, let's create some high drama around here, folks! We're proud to present the 66th Annual BHGP Bracket Madness!

Yes, it's Father vs. Son. It's the beautiful vs. America The Beautiful. It's genius vs. epic fail stupid. It's Marchifornication, is what it is.
We'll be posting two polls a day during the first round, then one a day afterwards. We'll be crowning a BHGP King on Friday, March 28. Print out your brackets now, distribute them through the office, and get down to enjoying "March Bracket Madness" (hey, that seems kind of catchy).
Everyone involved is allowed, and in fact encouraged to do everything in their power to improve their chances of winning. Hawkeye State said he would pose in a bra, and if Pat Harty would email us a stump speech, we will print it, unedited, in all its glory. Casey McMillan may--actually, wait a second. If he's allowed to do everything in his power, he'd kill everybody in the tournament and the universe would explode. But everybody but him is expected to fight tooth and nail to win. There is no set of rules. There is no disqualification. There is only Marchifornication.
0 recs |
54 comments
Comments
Elite Eight
This is tough, so bear with me. I have (1) JoePa v. (4) McMillan and (3) Leman v. (7) Harty in the East. Then I've got (1) Zooker v. (4) Gornstar and (6) Bellanca v. (7) Guy in the West. Ultimately, I don't see McMillan leaving JoePa in less than 300 pieces, so he'll advance to the Final 4. Hary's smug sense of satisfaction will be tough to overcome, but I see Leman's lovable smirk wearing him down eventually, only to treat him like the bitch he is, and thus also moving to the Final 4.
Then, Zooker will smooth-talk Gornstar into thinking he could actually play D1 football for Illinois, using a variety of hair-smelling techniques that only Ron knows how to use, and with Gornstar = Pornstar, you know he'll go for it. Then just as Gornstar gets settled in, Zook rips out his heart and is chewing on his soul before he ever realizes that Zook was really selling him a bag of Tasty-O's. Zook advances too. Finally, I have absolutely no idea who takes this matchup between Guy and Bellanca. I'll go with Guy, based on pure instinct, but I'm open to arguments.
by jason3kidd on
Mar 11, 2008 5:30 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
You're dead to me
You hear me, kidd? DEAD!
by Hawkeye State on
Mar 11, 2008 5:51 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Bring it, woman!
You lost to Guy Rucker in Round 1, what's that say about you? And what did you do for (to? tee hee) OPS to garner that sort of cakewalk in the first round? OPS got the Harty Party, who may be untouchable, Jebus got the Gornstar, and Meg got the most vicious mullet this side of Chuck Norris. You got it easy, my friend.
by jason3kidd on
Mar 12, 2008 6:52 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Two predictions.
KOK will make it three and out, losing in the final four. It's also possible he takes a severe loss on the first play and never recovers.
CBI leads the league in steals.
by indyhawk on
Mar 11, 2008 6:02 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
CBI's the sleeper here
I could see them taking the title--probably at gunpoint.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 11, 2008 10:28 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
moped vs. this?
Like, they're on mopeds. I'm burning Jet-A.
They're enamored of U.S. twenties, in big stacks. I'm paying my tuition bills in euros. So their stash declines in value daily. I'm earning interest on top of interest.
I don't have pieces of metal with zirconium studs piercing my flesh.
They're nice boys. They will win when they grow up a bit. Today: too much, too soon.
Remember: mopeds vs. Jet-A. Check six, dudes. You about to be hosed.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 8:40 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
candy?
CBI, once they learn to steal something besides candy, porn movies and flat-brimmed baseball caps, may be a force. Oh, and two-stroke oil for their mopeds.
At the moment, they are stuck in 5th grade.
They can pose all they want with their water pistols. I just opened the gun safe and I think I will introduce them to the pleasures of .50 black powder: a slow and fat meatball of a slug. Figuratively speaking.
Check six, CBI. You are hosed.
I am aware that I just mixed my armaments metaphors. A privilege of the mature.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 8:52 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
That escalated quickly
Hey, Everyone? I think Bellanca just threatened to kill CBI.
I knew this bracket was a good idea.
by jebushchrist on
Mar 12, 2008 9:25 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
All things be ready if our minds be so.
I never lose to men who skip English class for MySpace rantings.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 9:32 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Really,
I am truly disappointed to see KOK as an 8 seed, between his molestation of Jake the Snake and the pure genious of keeping AY and Sims off the field at the same time, I would have had him pegged as at least a 4. Oh well, its not like we are talking a 14 upsetting a 3 seed, so I suppose its still possible. Hell, JoePa may be too busy eatin brains to show up.
by three and out the kok story on
Mar 11, 2008 7:37 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
If this doesn't end
in Zook vs JoePa, then this entire exercise is a sham. A SHAM, I SAY! This battle must take place. The world needs it.
by Adam on
Mar 11, 2008 7:47 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
Are you kidding??
The best match-up has to be Harty vs. JoPa in the semi's.... JoPa teeing off on Harty is something I think that most people would pay to see.
by Rozhawkfan on
Mar 11, 2008 9:02 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
This whole court is out of order
I will not campaign against my son. I won't do it.
by jebushchrist on
Mar 11, 2008 9:18 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
Yet you must!
Interesting note: All first-round losers are subject to death by firing squad!
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 11, 2008 10:27 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I JUST FUCKING EMAILED LEMAN ON FACEBOOK
I'M IN THIS TO WIN IT, BITCHES.
Vote for dmbmeg!
by dmbmeg on
Mar 11, 2008 9:42 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
dmbmeg
She has done what all the blockers in the entire BXI could not do: terrify J Leman.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 11, 2008 10:30 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Both of you are wrong, wrong, wrong
J Leman's hair is what God's smile looks like.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 11, 2008 10:28 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
no
I don't think he would be interested in my profession of love for Jesse McCartney.
by dmbmeg on
Mar 11, 2008 11:06 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
It wasn't personal
You're tough and all, Meg, but Lehman's hair is untouchable. Un. Touch. Uh-ble.
by jason3kidd on
Mar 12, 2008 6:50 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
It's wasn't personal anyway.
But then you went and questioned Leman's hair, which is pretty like a pony. Then it became very personal.
by Adam on
Mar 12, 2008 7:07 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I kill Leman on hair.
But near as I can tell, I can't prove it by posting a photo here. When I do, if he lives to meet me in the finals, it will be ugly for the little boy.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 8:47 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Yeah but
I hear he's a huge Baconwater fan.
by Bucketochicken on
Mar 12, 2008 8:18 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
WOULD YOU ALL STOP THIS?
by dmbmeg on
Mar 12, 2008 8:27 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Listen, Dick Dawkins
Just because you have a pathological need to denigrate greatness because someone else recognized it first doesn't mean you need to take down a glorious institution like the Trinitarian Church. It's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Mullet.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 11, 2008 11:14 PM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
oooh oooh oooh
J.Leman's coming. With his necktie collection.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 8:48 AM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
who knows?
He would get thrown out of middle school with that hair.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 9:34 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Great
Another day without acknowledging the comeback championship win for wrestling. I'm no wrestling fan, but I think it should merit a post sometime within a week of the occurrence.
You know, when you're not busy with your day jobs...
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on
Mar 12, 2008 10:10 AM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
Hey Edds, you should start a blog!
You can write about wrestling all day long!
Listen pal, these Tournament Brackets don't just create themselves. This is hard. Not just anyone can get a blog, you know?
by jebushchrist on
Mar 12, 2008 10:21 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Chill jebus
With great power comes great responsibility...
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on
Mar 12, 2008 12:08 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
so let me get this straight
The authors of this blog HAVE to write about wrestling despite the majority of the audience wanting to read about football and basketball, just because they owe it to you?
Oh, Gotcha.
Hey OPS, HS, and JHC, while you are out writing this super fabulous post about wrestling, can you write about women's volleyball too? Delany and I are requesting it.
In all seriousness though, YCPTEII. Who do you think these guys are, journalists?
by dmbmeg on
Mar 12, 2008 1:33 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Yeah, YCPTEII!!!
I don't know what that means, but damn straight.
by Hawkeye State on
Mar 12, 2008 2:21 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Please
The folks at BHGP are perfectly capable of making not only an informative post about wrestling, but also a very funny one.
It's not really a request on my part, anyway. It's just an observation that it seems weird that BHGP, which is one of the top 5, if not the top blog about Iowa athletics, has yet to comment on the wrestling championship. Despite my avid fandom of the football and basketball squads, Iowa will always be a top-notch wrestling school, so it's return to the top should not go by un-remarked upon.
Besides, after this football and basketball season, we need to find something to rejoice in.
(I also realize I am leaving out women's basketball. But that's not supposed to be our bread and butter, either.)
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on
Mar 12, 2008 2:27 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
let me get this straight
We're either the best or the 5th best blog about Iowa ahtletics? I don't know what that means.
It just so happens that we did mention the Iowa women's basketball title. Personally, I couldn't care less about wrestling. Iowa being good at something doesn't make it interesting to me. I am however, interested in Iowa women's volleyball, because a high percentage of volleyball players are lesbians and being good at lesbianism is something I am interested in.
Thank you.
JHC
by jebushchrist on
Mar 12, 2008 2:51 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Motivation
If I came right out and declared BHGP the best Iowa blog, well, I'm afraid that you might stop trying so hard. And then how would I fill my days? Reading Deadspin? They lack J. Leman-bombs.
So, the point is still that, yes, I too could give a shit about wrestling, but I also feel like after the last 12 months somebody should give us something to be proud of. And in BHGP style.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on
Mar 12, 2008 2:58 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I'm proud of you, YCPYEII. So fucking proud.
by jebushchrist on
Mar 12, 2008 3:05 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
That's all I need...
Jebus is proud.
(grabs pillow) Well I need this. THAT's all I need. Jebus is proud and this pillow...
...(grabs lamp) I need this. THAT's all I need. Jebus proud, this pillow, and this lamp....
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on
Mar 12, 2008 3:15 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
okay
Okay, sure, that's a speech. Then the little asian guys threw him out of the room. Great speech. They're already hosed.
Great speeches mix the high, the low, and the shocking. They result in total domination. Like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDecL...
That is all.
::40-Second Bellanca
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 10:12 AM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
This thread just got insane
I've never feared Bellanca before. I do now.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Mar 12, 2008 10:33 AM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
whoever challenges me ...
will .... Don't get too close, there's gonna be stuff strewn and broken all over the place.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE2t6...
::40-Second Bellanca
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 10:53 AM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Not a chance
Bellanca was an unknown to me before, circa Tom Brady before his first Super Bowl. Now he's Tom Brady, circa the last 4 years. And I hate that Tom Brady, because he knows he's good, he knows the world loves him, and he needs that love. Bellanca, my friend, you were better off as the underdog / unknown. Nobody likes a cocky Tom Brady...
by jason3kidd on
Mar 12, 2008 2:06 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
needing no love
40-Second Bellanca needs no love, prizes intellectual humility, and prefers his women smart and somewhat tough and somewhat smug about it. And he thinks Tom Brady is a callow, serial fornicator of willowy models, who, like Emperor Elliott, prefers a kink that's "somewhat dangerous". Cruel, cruel slight you offer, but it won't knock him off his game, no sir. Anyway, that's a refracted, low-angling sun out my window, and it's time for a National Bo.
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 4:48 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
he too?
He too ride a moped?
::40-Second Bellanca
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 11:05 AM CDT
reply
actions
0 recs
With all this talk
of two-stroke oil and :40 second Bellanca, the ladies aren't going to be happy with the guy who pretends to be other people looking for jobs...
by Hawkeye State on
Mar 12, 2008 2:19 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
crack a six pack and honor a fine former Hawkeye
That's very good. But I'm also a devoted follower of Iowa Women's Volleyball, and we all know what that means. I am unconcerned.
Anyhow, game's over for today and time for a beer with my friends and soon-to-be vanquished competitors. Here's an historical footnote:
40-Second Boyd was John Boyd, a graduate of Iowa (where he was a failed Armbruster swimmer), instructor at the USAF Fighter Weapons School, where the Air Force sends the very best of the best for advanced tactical instruction in the hottest and newest line fighters. Boyd is the only individual to go through FWS and teach at FWS who was never defeated in aerial dogfighting. In fact, he had a standing bet with each and every class of jet jocks who showed up that he would defeat them within 40 seconds of engagement. And he never lost. Not once.
Boyd later transformed himself, and with no formal education in math, engineering or physics, created the mathematical foundation for every tactical aircraft purchased by the USAF from the century series through the F-16.
Boyd further transformed himself and with a small cell of insurgents, transformed Pentagon procurement practices.
Boyd's lasting contribution some call the most notable theory of conflict (war, organizational, or personal) since Sun Tzu. Certainly it is the most notable since von Clausewitz. In his penniless retirement he was hired by Cheney, then SecDef, who wanted to implement his theory of maneuver conflict (in opposition to traditional Army doctrine of attrition warfare), and did so over the objection and initial plan of Schwarzkopf. Boyd's order of battle produced the most one-sided ground war in human history. Boyd's Pattern's of Conflict is the intellectual foundation for the US Marines current war fighting doctrine, who erected a monument to him in the Marine Corps Museum at Quantico.
Again, Boyd attended Iowa (which he hated) on the GI bill, and tried but failed to make one of the Armbruster glory year swim teams. He married a woman from Ottumwa.
Here is a grossly simplified summary of his life:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bo...
John Boyd has changed the world. He hosed more generals than Lincoln.
There are incredible lessons from Boyd that Fake Kirk Ferentz will introduce via diary sometime in the spring. Fake Kirk has announced to his friends that Iowa will no more run the 'hey diddle diddle one more time up the middle' than did Patton. (See, it all fits together.)
Make mine a National Bo, and see y'all between the lines.
::40-Second Bellanca
by Bellanca on
Mar 12, 2008 4:35 PM CDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs










