Michigan @ Iowa LIVEBLOG: Performance-Enhancing Edition

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:17 PM CST in News

With the hullabaloo around Barry Bonds's positive steroids test in 2001 and Roger Clemens' bewildering testimony in Congress, it's time to tip a cap to the original performance enhancer: beer! Yes, I'm OPS, and I'm drinking my way to brilliance, because fuck it, it's a Thursday night. I'll be guiding you kids through Iowa's home tilt against a weak, sad, sorry Michigan team. It's on ESPN, so you can all watch along instead of taking our word for it (or worse, Dolph's).

Be sure to comment along with us as Iowa endeavors to keep Michigan in the cellar with the corpse that was Northwestern basketball.

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Yes, this is late

And criminally so. Mea culpa.

Iowa is up 14-7 at the second media timeout. They look much better than Michigan does, which is no hard task.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:21 PM CST 0 recs

Michigan just threw it into the fifth row

Holy hell, I've seen some bad passes, but Tacopants wouldn't have touched that one.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:23 PM CST 0 recs

that was me

I'm distracted.

by dmbmeg on Feb 14, 2008 8:27 PM CST 0 recs

The New Gornographer

is taking this game over.

19-7 Iowa with 7 to go in the first half. Michigan's on pace for about, uh, 20 points.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:28 PM CST 0 recs

Seriously hard to believe

that Michigan could be this bad (7 points in 14 1/2 minutes);

they're still far and away better than Northwestern.

25-9 after a cold-blooded Jake Kelly 3. This can't be watchable for anyone but hardcore Iowa fans. Yeesh.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:35 PM CST 0 recs

On cue

Did someone say hardcore Iowa fans?

Long day at the office, so it's nice to come home to a shitkicking of Michigan.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:37 PM CST 0 recs

speaking of hardcore

What's got two thumbs and no pants?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:38 PM CST up 0 recs

Am I the only one who wants an iBot wheelchair?

I am?

/walks slowly away

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:38 PM CST up 0 recs

Ouch

I know it's Valentine's Day, but there's about 12 people there. Don't married people celebrate St. Valentine at sporting events?

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:39 PM CST 0 recs

While I'm at it

Why is this man the epitome of romance?

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:43 PM CST up 0 recs

the picture answers its own question, doesn't it?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:45 PM CST up 0 recs

micheegun

I think we hired the better coach based on what I see tonight...if Indiana keeps Sampson around, they are making a statement that cheating is ok as long as we win...Gorney for most improved player in the B10...I like what I see in this Iowa team...guard people with passion...work the shot clock...and don't be bashful about the "3"...I thought in preseason if we won 4-5 it would be positive and I think we definitely surpass that...plus I like the foundation being laid with the emphasis on guarding people...Alford never could teach this and I am very happy with Lick...

by tdtommy on Feb 14, 2008 8:40 PM CST 0 recs

Wow

That's an entire liveblog in one message.

Hi dad.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:41 PM CST up 0 recs

micheegun

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooby!!!!

by tdtommy on Feb 14, 2008 8:42 PM CST 0 recs

Talk about something out of nothing

Not only that play, but Looby as a basketball player in general. I hope he keeps improving after his career here and plays overseas or something. He's a freakish athlete.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:44 PM CST up 0 recs

The Gornographer: I never thought I'd hear

"The Hawkeyes are just not the same team when Gorney isn't out there" said in a positive light

by three and out the kok story on Feb 14, 2008 8:45 PM CST 0 recs

27-16 at the half

And it's been every bit as ugly as that score would suggest.

There haven't been many fouls called, and it seemed like the ones that did get whistled were because the officials felt like they hadn't called one in too long. Two perimeter-oriented teams just aren't going to bang around in the paint. Too many whistles away from the shooter.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:49 PM CST 0 recs

Who dressed Fran Fraschilla?

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:51 PM CST 0 recs

Did ESPN

just refer to Fran Fraschilla as their "Valentine's Day Guru"?

The guy wiped his ass to show his team at St. Joe's how they were practicing. Practice, man. We're talking about practice.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 8:53 PM CST 0 recs

Chicks dig that, man

Take it from me. I know these things. I write a college sports blog.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 8:56 PM CST up 0 recs

micheegun

Call out the fashion police on Franchilla...who dresses these guys at ESPN????

by tdtommy on Feb 14, 2008 8:58 PM CST 0 recs

BTN Network ads

They're annoying! We're talking Dane Fife annoying! We're talking Bobby Jackson getting the BXI POY over Dre Day annoying! We're talking a random European for Northwestern beating Iowa annoying! We're talking Soulja Bo annoying! We're talking...

...

(kills himself with a gun)

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:01 PM CST 0 recs

The Big Ten ads in general are awful

Last year it was hip hop.

This year it's slam poetry.

Next year? Grunge, man.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:02 PM CST up 0 recs

The Basketball Gods Are With Gorney

The New Gornographer gets all the bounces, baby.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:03 PM CST 0 recs

Gottleib is your MVP @ ESPN

I saw Gottlieb play against Creighton when he was at OSU...he missed alot of shots...now I know why...his nose prevents him from seeing the basket..

by tdtommy on Feb 14, 2008 9:04 PM CST 0 recs

Plastic surgery works miracles

And he can pay for the nose job with his roommate's credit card.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:07 PM CST up 0 recs

Oh god

29-24 already. Michigan's scored 8 quick points on 3 possessions.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:04 PM CST 0 recs

holy shit!

I can watch the game! Oh holy day!

by dmbmeg on Feb 14, 2008 9:05 PM CST 0 recs

Uh

When did Michigan replace its team with 5 Ray Allens?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:07 PM CST 0 recs

Looby's FT shooting

clang..clang..clang goes the trolley...ring..ring..ring goes the bell...

by tdtommy on Feb 14, 2008 9:11 PM CST 0 recs

All Michigan momentum has been killed

with 2 commercial breaks in 3 minutes.

God, I love ESPN.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:11 PM CST 0 recs

Kelly heating up

36-29 Iowa, 13:45 to go

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:14 PM CST 0 recs

Thanks, ESPN

for telling a heartwarming story about Jake Kelly and Todd Lickliter rather than explain why exactly there was an offensive foul called.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:16 PM CST up 0 recs

I was expecting them to give us a shot of

Deanna Favre

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:18 PM CST up 0 recs

or

Alondo Tucker's mom

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:20 PM CST up 0 recs

Did you hear

Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:22 PM CST up 0 recs

By the way, big thanks to jebus

He has sacrificed his liveblog experience for the night in order to grapple with the SBN software; he's putting up new ads and shit for us.

We salute you, JHC.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:19 PM CST 0 recs

Godspeed, Jebus

We stand beside you. And, by that, I mean we watch basketball and make sarcastic comments. It's what the internet was made for.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:23 PM CST up 0 recs

Has Gottlieb ever seen Iowa play?

(short answer: obviously no)

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:23 PM CST 0 recs

OK, I'll say it

Iowa's second-half defense has been positively Steve Alford-like.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:24 PM CST 0 recs

Did Michigan just tie the game?

I... I'm speechless.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:24 PM CST 0 recs

(copious vomiting)

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:25 PM CST up 0 recs

I disapprove

42-40 Michigan, 9:00 to go.

I'm staging a walkout.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:26 PM CST 0 recs

The only way they should have done that

is by humming the national anthem as they walked out.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:29 PM CST up 0 recs

For three consecutive games

Peterson repeatedly drives baseline, gets trapped, attempts the jump-pass to the opposite corner, and steps out of bounds.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:28 PM CST 0 recs

This is unpossible!

I hate to say it, but what is Lick doing? He's not making adjustments. This is not time to get stubborn, broseph.

by jebushchrist on Feb 14, 2008 9:31 PM CST 0 recs

That footage

of the mother holding the ice cream cone while her daughter licked it was horrifying.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:32 PM CST 0 recs

Also

Our merit badges are up!

As are our new ads.

I am going out to Wal-Mart tomorrow and buying the biggest t-shirt I can find!

by jebushchrist on Feb 14, 2008 9:32 PM CST 0 recs

if you're looking for huge t-shirts

you probably can't do any better than Wally World.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:34 PM CST up 0 recs

Bravo, Jebus

Bravo.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 14, 2008 9:36 PM CST up 0 recs

18-2 run for Michigan

After an unconscious 3.

Iowa looks totally out of it.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:34 PM CST 0 recs

He's still Gorney

Despite best intentions, he's still not the quickest giant in town.

by jebushchrist on Feb 14, 2008 9:34 PM CST 0 recs

That's the worst play I've ever seen

Loose ball on a rebound, three Hawkeyes near it, all of them defer to each other, Michigan grabs it, then somehow falls out of bounds with the ball.

All it needed was circus music.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 14, 2008 9:36 PM CST 0 recs