...but Big Blue's devotion to the "Michigan Man," and Martin's need to make a big splash, will prevent this from happening.

Well ... thanks.  But I couldn't write any more without sounding like an asshole.  How many times a year do you want to point out that Oberlin caught the ball better this year than we did?  That most people learned to catch kickoffs in 7th grade?  That if Albert is running for 5.6 a carry, maybe he should get it more than 17 times against a mid-major?  That even if Albert is running for 2.6 and we're leading the country in sacks, he should still get the ball more than 17 times?  etc.  A guy with a body temperature IQ can ask these questions once.  A moron would ask once a week.  I had to let it go.

I was listening to one of the local public classical stations the other day, trapped in my car in the usual beltway nightmare.  The idiot dj was trying to play this long piece and it was a damaged cd.  Every 20 seconds it would start to DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH and it was enough to drive you nuts, because the good 20 seconds was promising enough to make you think:  The DJ surely knows what the fuck she's doing, there are 5mm people within range of their tower, so that's the last time it will skip and we're about to experience 10 minutes of wonderful music.  Then, DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH.  Then 20 seconds of beauty.  Then ... okay, you get it, it was alcoholic-mommie-dj.  

Such was my experience of watching Iowa football this year.  There was no reason for us to be stupid and repetitive.  There was no reason for us to NOT FUCKING SHOW UP TO PLAY half the time.  And there was no reason for us to pound the shit out of the Albert split zone runs one day -- and forget about them the next.  We just did.  Shut up and listen to the coach.  "I don't know what happened.  We weren't ready to play, and we just need to work hard and execute better.  The seniors are great.  Don't you dare ask a follow-up."  

I no longer think KOK is dumb, because he's running more plays than Mike Holmgren.  I don't think he's stubborn, because he changes up for no reason.  

I just think he's weird.  He's got some sort of pyschotropic-hungry brain disorder.  He's watching a game that no one else is watching.  Like any brilliant whack job, when he talks, it all makes sense, so people comply with the fantasy.  Except the other coaches.  They're scratching their heads, usually, going, "I don't know what's wrong with him.  Not my problem.  Now, go kill 'em."

Anyway, staffing is fate, usually.  We traded Philbin, NFL OC superstar, for a nice man from West High of Iowa City.  Why?  Who knows.  Good for the Packers.  Bad for us.  Why wouldn't the head coach realize this is a bad trade?  Fuck if I know.  I hope The Real Bill Martin doesn't figure it all out and grab Philbin.  With those Michigan hosses, they'll have their way with us for years.

"Collapse" would be your word -- not mine and certainly not Fake Bill's, because he is still being reminded at booster lunches of his decision to schedule Iowa at Homecoming a few years ago.  

Fake Bill thinks that "downward slope" is what you are looking at when three years of top ten are followed by three years of .500 and losses to IS- and Directional U.  And Fake Bill loves the way we no longer out-tough the entire league, including tOSU.  Oh, and Fake Bill says thanks for introducing the zone blocking scheme and is especially pleased to have the chance now to hire someone who will actually coach it and implement it.

'04 was great as you note: Iowa averaged 35 points per game.  ('07: 19 ppg).

Ferentz said four days ago that the program sits now somewhere between 2000 and 2001.  Fake Bill says, Like, I read history, Okay?  Those were not great times to be a Hawkeye and I have one major plum of a job here for which I DON'T HAVE TO PAY $3MM A YEAR to  hire a hungry young coach who also subscribes to the New Yorker and isn't going to lose to Directional U. at home on Senior Day and then talk about how good it's going to be ... sometime later.

Every team has its character roots and Iowa was a team that came out onto the field, punched you in the mouth while you were just buckling your chin strap, smiled that hick squarehead lily white I'm-from-northeast-goose-lake-hog-center-tall-grass-acronym High, turned to go back to the huddle, stopped, and punched you again.  Alex Karras went to Iowa.  (Watch what happens to the horse...)  That Gallery kid said shit none of these all-stars they throw out there now can even contemplate, then backed it up.  Iowa flat scared Michigan a few times this decade; it was like some weird Rural Consolidated School with urban transfers and tyro white boy engineers and pre-meds and poor kids without scholarships who became 320 pound left tackles -- and Michigan was some prissy prep school -- Exeter, Groton, Cranbrook.  Fake Bill does not relish those memories.  Fortunately, Fake Bill thinks, those days are past and Iowa doesn't even show up to play half the time, which Ferentz acknowledges, and the other half the time they're talking about how good it's going to be once the O-line "gels".  

Trust me, when coaches talk about how good it's "going to be", nine years into a program, they're grasping at air, Fake Bill says, they either just got crushed by Directional U. or they're searching for a key when the door is already open.  Fortunately, Fake Bill observes, Iowa persists in fighting its way through open doors with both fists (Fake Bill loves Jacques Barzun, so pilfers at will).  It's obvious: Iowa needs to control the tempo and character of games and that starts with an O-line that lost its architect and has been playing patty cake for the past three years.

Fortunately, Fake Bill expects to line up with his new head coach in 24 months against the O-line managed by the Former Head Coach of West High of Iowa City.  Fake Bill, iow, does not expect that gentleman to be recruited to replace Philbin to run the offense of Brett Favre any time this century.