We get the great fortune of hosting this week's Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable.  It's like hosting Thanksgiving dinner after getting a divorce.  From O.J. Simpson.  Your friends and family show up, and they apologize for your misfortune and attempt to put a positive spin on the situation.  But deep down, everyone knows you're about to get your throat slashed in your own backyard.

Juice is gonna kill you,
and not just when Illini come to town

Onto the questions...

1.  You know what?  Screw your team.  I hate your team right now; I'm an Iowa fan, and I have anger in my heart.  Name your top conference rival, and assess their season to date.  If you haven't played them yet (and I don't think anyone has), how are you going to do when that fateful day comes?

2.  If your season to date was an album (or CD, for all you young hippety-hoppers), what would it be and why?

3.  If you had three minutes alone in a locked room with any coach from your team and you could bring any item along (nothing sexual, tOSU fans), which coach would you choose, what would the item be, and how badly would you pummel Ken O'Keefe why would you choose that item?

BONUS QUESTION

4.  Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry.  In five days from now he's gonna marry.  He's hoping you can make it there if you can coz in the ceremony you'll be the best man.

Subquestion A:  Larry is obviously a loser.  He has so few friends, he has to ask his brother's best friend to be his best man.  What Big Ten team does he favor when not playing with Lord of the Rings figurines?

Subquestion B:  Five days from now is Saturday.  Your team is on the road.  Do you (A) stay home and watch the game; (B) road trip, or; (C) say "neato," check your libido, and roll to the church in your new tuxedo?