The Mancott Lives! IT LIVES!

by Hawkeye State on Mar 5, 2008 12:40 PM CST in News

EDSBS mastermind Orson Swindle gets email. His most recent check of the ol' email inbox included this:

Hi EDSBS,
I do blogger/online outreach for Outback Steakhouse and wanted to give you the chance to visit the restaurant and join the 20th birthday celebration of the Bloomin’ Onion. Would you be interested in a gift card to use with friends and family? Use the gift card to take advantage of the full bar and watch a game in a great sports environment with good food.
Please let me know if you’re interested.

Naturally, I checked my email inbox, looking for my own Bloomin' Onion gift card. I found nothing. Nada. Zilch. Well, you know what, Outback blogger outreach program?

The Mancott is back! You snubbed us for your bowl game. You didn't answer our various emails of protest. You forgot to bring that second loaf of your scrumptious bread to my table. And now, you don't even give us the free Bloomin' Onion we so deserve.

You've walked into a buzzsaw, Outback Steakhouse. In February, we might have let it slide, but it's now Marchifornication. You will pay for your crimes.

By the power vested in me by nobody in particular, I declare the Mancott resumes! We will not stop until your restaurants lie in ruins and the tears of your former employees flavor our pineapple-chipotle margaritas.

Well, that or a free Bloomin' Onion. It's 20 years old, after all.

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Mancott Tales Of Strength

I was driving through Coralville, and my friend was all, "you wanna go to Outback?" and I was all, "NOPE!" So we didn't.

One sale lost, Outback. There will be more.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 5, 2008 1:09 PM CST 0 recs

For every Outback meal that you pass up

I will eat two.

I refuse to allow you to kill my beloved Outback Steakhouse with your extremist tactics. Where else can I get delicious, authentic Australian cuisine and that wonderful "no worries" atmosphere? Australia? You'd think so, but no! I've been there and there wasn't a Bloomin' Onion in sight! Clearly they've lost touch with their roots. That's why the Outback Steakhouse is so important. Maybe the rest of the sheep reading this blog will go along with your silly little "mancott" but not I!

by Adam on Mar 5, 2008 3:37 PM CST up 0 recs

SCAB

SCAB SCAB SCABBY SCAB SCAB. SCAB.

by Hawkeye State on Mar 5, 2008 3:40 PM CST up 0 recs

Tasteful as your first name may be

You are dead, dead, deader than Don Knotts dead to us now.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 5, 2008 3:51 PM CST up 0 recs

and another tale

I was walking through the parking lot of Petco and I saw a man with a carry-out bag from the Outback in the adjoining lot. I slapped the bag from his hands and punched him on the ear. He went down on one knee and genuflected before me. I bellowed into his teary eyes and marched away from him.
I mean, this was yesterday, before I knew the Mancott was back, but still.

Viva La Mancott!

by jebushchrist on Mar 5, 2008 1:25 PM CST 0 recs

Do we know

if Orson accepted the offer? Did he cross our picket lines?

by chitownhawkeye on Mar 5, 2008 3:32 PM CST 0 recs

He's denying it.

We trust Orson as far as we can throw him, though. And we are not midget tossers.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 5, 2008 3:50 PM CST up 0 recs

HA!

On the side of truth and justice? A man who is unquestionably one of the greatest college football bloggers to have graduated from the University of Florida.

On the side of the mancott: a bunch of jackoffs who make jokes about Fergie's vagina.

Do you see Mancotters? You will accomplish nothing! Give up now!

by Adam on Mar 5, 2008 4:03 PM CST up 0 recs

Sir

In light of the injustices of the 2005 OUTBACK BOWL, I urge you to carefully consider upon which side you place your loyalties.

The University of Florida is no less an enemy than the Outbackers themselves.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 5, 2008 4:20 PM CST up 0 recs

Certainly, mistakes were made

But may I remind you, sir, that the University Florida also gave us the following:

The joyous visual of that doofy bastard Nathan Chandler doofing his way into the endzone on a "scramble"

The rights to use [name redacted] and that "chomp" taunt

Z to the motherfucking 'ook

by Adam on Mar 5, 2008 4:33 PM CST up 0 recs

Mancottees

You see that? There, behind the bloated head of Outback CEO A. William "Bill" Allen? That is THE ENTIRE STATE OF WISCONSIN out in the warm weather, jumping around, sucking fried onion into their mouths like dying fish.

The conspiracy is vast, and it must be brought to light.

by Hawkeye State on Mar 5, 2008 4:36 PM CST 0 recs