Black Heart Gold Pants: BHGP BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: RON ZOOK VS. JEBUS H CHRIST

BHGP BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: RON ZOOK VS. JEBUS H CHRIST

by jebushchrist Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 11:40:21 AM EDT

This is what we're voting on. Today: The Man vs. The Media!

RON ZOOK

PROS: Our very first fake interview. Brought out the Zook Hook. Wants you to get Better and Better. Ruined College Football Insider. Is rollin.

CONS: He probably violated Jebus.

JEBUS H. CHRIST

PROS: Founder of BHGP. Undisputed king of liveblogs. Doesn't wear pants. Drinks. May be carrying the Zooker's dumpling love child.

CONS: Eliminated his son in 1st round without remorse. Has inappropriate and disturbing obsession with mascots. Doesn't wear pants.

Tags: bhgpbm, the zooker (all tags) :: Add Tags to this Story

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I'm winning! (none / 0)

And take a good look now, cus Daddy's going down like a sweet muffin.
ZOOK!!!

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 11:54:44 AM EDT
Open Thread (none / 0)

I think we'll just do that open thread right here, at least for the early games. No point making everyone click back and forth.

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:08:44 PM EDT
IT'S COMING... (none / 0)

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:08:59 PM EDT
[scary heartbeat sound] (none / 0)

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:09:15 PM EDT
- [Timpani roll] (none / 0)
  
  by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:11:00 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - [cuckoo clock chiming] (none / 0)
    
    by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:12:49 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
Is zooker even awake yet? (none / 0)

Has the combination of 14 red bulls and 1 crystallized soul of everything that is right worn off from 4 am?

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:09:55 PM EDT
- Zooker does not sleep (none / 0)
  
  He tips over for a few hours a week.
  
  by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:10:53 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - I tip over too (none / 0)
    
    but not from Red Bull or crystallized soul
    
    by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:24:13 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
Games tip in 5 minutes (none / 0)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:10:22 PM EDT
- YEAH (none / 0)
  
  it's about time some of these so called "basketball" teams stepped up into marchifornication!
  
  by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:14:05 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
We're all thankful (none / 0)

that Bohall didn't beat the Zooker in round 1. I shudder to think what JHC's picture might have been.

by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:11:35 PM EDT
- JHC + latrine = crazy delicious (none / 0)
  
  by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:41:37 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
I turn on the tv (none / 0)

and the first thing I see is an ad for Outback!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:17:16 PM EDT
- That's why (none / 0)
  
  the Hawks ~~failed to make~~ mancotted the tourney.
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:19:12 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
Hightower! (none / 0)

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:22:51 PM EDT
did you know... (none / 0)

This is the most unproductive few weeks at work? I like it. It's the only time I ever work as hard as everyone else.

by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:23:31 PM EDT
- Congrats (none / 0)
  
  Way to lower the bar
  
  by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:24:09 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Disagree (none / 0)
  
  You've been very busy blogging this week. These polls don't win themselves!
  
  by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:42:56 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
dmbmeg has... (none / 0)

Kansas, UGA, and MSU

by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:40:55 PM EDT
- AH has... (none / 0)
  
  the farts
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:46:48 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - gross. (none / 0)
    
    by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:48:58 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
HATE (none / 0)

I'm at work, jsut getting ready to fire up teh March Madness On Demand... and my fucking hard drive crashes!!! Thanks, high-quality company-provided technological equipment! Wooooooo!!!
If it is trashed, it'll be the FOURTH fucking hard drive that's crashed on me since working here.
So now I'm on the cunty loaner laptop that works like something out of Bedrock. This hunka crap isn't even powerful enough to stream the game(s). I'm getting choppy frozen images and the audio sounds like it's being piped through an empty Pringles can from deep under water.

Shoulda jsut fucking stayed hime "sick."

HATE.

by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:48:14 PM EDT
- I only get audio :( (none / 0)
  
  by jason3kidd on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:49:48 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - I quit my job (none / 0)
    
    McDonald's will miss me.
    
    by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:52:13 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Did you grab any fries for the rest of us (none / 0)
      
      before you left?
      
      by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:54:10 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
  - I work in fashion (none / 0)
    
    no one really cares in my office so I can't listen or watch.
    
    Actually, when I organized the pool at my office one of the guys just said "I'll just pick whoever has the cutest player/hottest ass."
    
    by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:52:54 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Just watch (none / 0)
      
      dmbmeg will win BHGP Bracket Madness only to lose the office pool to that guy
      
      by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:56:13 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - Yes (none / 0)
        
        I told him he was going to win.
        
        by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:57:45 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
- No spellcheck either. Sad. (none / 0)
  
  Join us here, we'll keep you updated... on Vicki Lawrence and sandwich commercials.
  
  by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 12:58:18 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - In moments like that (none / 0)
    
    if it doesn't say "Spell FUCKING check", you're not using it
    
    by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:00:02 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - yes (none / 0)
      
      It lets people know how pissed you are when your email contains multiple word jumbles. I get a lot of those from "fans" of the site.
      
      by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:02:34 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - and me. (none / 0)
        
        by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:03:20 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
  - "jsut" (none / 0)
    
    It's actually spelled correctly, it's jsut a regional expression - like "Steamed Hams."
    
    Mmmmmm, steamed hams...
    
    by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:06:51 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - i love me (none / 0)
      
      some steamed hams
      
      by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:09:51 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
Eventually (none / 0)

Xavier's going to get a FG, right? They've gone like 8 without one. It's positively Hawkian.

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:04:18 PM EDT
- Hawkian, schmawkian (none / 0)
  
  get into a 15-20 point hole first
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:07:12 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
MSU (none / 0)

Michigan State cans a jumper to go up 11 with 4:00 to go in the first half against Temple. Sparty started slow, but is now looking pretty pretty prettyyyyyyyy pretty good.

Larry David approves.

by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:09:51 PM EDT
looks like i'm gonna be 3-3 at the half (none / 0)

told you guys I was good at this

And now my bracket will fall apart.

by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:16:29 PM EDT
- whoa, nobody got Portland State-Kansas right (none / 0)
  
  by Oops Pow Surprise on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:19:16 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - OPS STOP BEING BITTER (none / 0)
    
    I am happy about UGA
    
    by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:20:48 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
  - The Triscuit box did (none / 0)
    
    by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:21:29 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
- The correct nomenclature would be 3 and 0 (none / 0)
  
  3-3 would mean you had won, and lost, 3 games.
  
  ...girls...
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:41:18 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Unless she picked both teams to win (none / 0)
    
    by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:44:03 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
  - fuck off dude (none / 0)
    
    Don't give me that "girls" shit.
    
    by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:44:34 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Hermaphrodite? (none / 0)
      
      by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:47:10 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - what the fuck are you talking about? (none / 0)
        
        Does posting anonymously automically make you a giant fucking douche?
        
        Survey says?
        
        Absolutely.
        
        by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:48:32 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        easy now, kids (none / 0)
        
        Anonymous, don't call meg a herm. meg, don't let Anonymous Zero (OH NO I DIINT) get to you.
        
        by Oops Pow Surprise on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:51:47 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        JHC: He was for Herms before he was against them. (none / 0)
        
        by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:53:27 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
    - Um... (none / 0)
      
      The nomenclature comment was actually me.
      
      JHC: He was for misogyny before he was against it!
      
      by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:50:09 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
  - Actually... (none / 0)
    
    ...one could read that as saying "I'm three-for-three in my picks," thus leading to her being happy. If you can't understand what that means, or a variation of it to go along with her excited statement, don't go blaming that on her.
    
    by jason3kidd on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:50:40 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - If we didn't intentionally misinterpret (none / 0)
      
      what people wrote here, what would we do with all the witty (or non-witty) comebacks we come up with?
      
      by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:54:38 PM EDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - But calling somebody a hermaphrodite isn't funny (none / 0)
        
        by jason3kidd on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:55:46 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't (none / 0)
        
        Even when they're not funny, it's hard to believe anyone would actually take anything in a BHGP comment thread as anything other than goofing around.
        
        by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:01:52 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        But (none / 0)
        
        Taking shots anonymously isn't the same. If you're going to poke people, you need to attach your name to it. I think that's the problem here.
        
        by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:06:11 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        True that (none / 0)
        
        Sometimes words on a computer screen don't come across well anyways, and if you don't show your name so people recognize you (or haven't posted enough for people to know your joking style (my bad again Jeebs)), sometimes the joke doesn't come off well.
        
        by jason3kidd on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:12:22 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        For the record (none / 0)
        
        it was intended to poke fun at the "what group gets blamed" aspect of the nomenclature post, not be a shot at meg, though it was poorly phrased.
        
        I don't disagree with your point about anonymous comments, but allowing anonymous comments on a satire-oriented blog is going to lead to misunderstandings from time to time, because humor isn't always apparent in writing. Still, I can't recall any comment, anonymous or not, that was ever intentionally malicious. If it's not worth responding to, then don't -- that'll kill a thread faster than anything.
        
        by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:32:03 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        No No No No No (none / 0)
        
        Go away, Anonymous. We don't take kindly to your kind round these parts...
        
        I think we need to relax just a bit. It's Gambling Christmas, after all.
        
        by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:35:29 PM EDT
        
        [ Parent ]
why's everyone so silent? (none / 0)

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:40:08 PM EDT
- Entertained by what? (none / 0)
  
  The lack of a goofy dmbmeg picture today?
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:43:14 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- why's everyone voting for the Zook? (none / 0)
  
  He's the coach at Illinois. He cheats! He may have assaulted our pantsless leader!
  Come on!
  
  by Anonymous Hero on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:44:26 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
i'm done. (none / 0)

This is not fun. Bye everyone.

by dmbmeg on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:49:14 PM EDT
- Don't leave Meg! (none / 0)
  
  by jason3kidd on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:51:58 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
and fuck you for reminding me (none / 0)

of that painful memory of us being the last #3 to lose first round
fuckers.

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:55:09 PM EDT
Somebody went to Juilliard! (none / 0)

Ed Hightower loves his camera time. My god I hate that man.

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:56:19 PM EDT
I loved him (none / 0)

playing Bubba Smith in Police Academy

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 01:59:33 PM EDT
- He was better as Sgt. Apone (none / 0)
  
  in "Aliens."
  
  by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:08:11 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
damn (none / 0)

look at xavier go!

by chitownhawkeye on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:06:59 PM EDT
- You know (none / 0)
  
  I picked Xavier ergo I'm rooting for them, but that block was clean. Bliss got robbed.
  
  by Oops Pow Surprise on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:14:20 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
about fuckin time (none / 0)

I just professed my love for them. It's too soon for me to lose them.

by jebushchrist on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:07:36 PM EDT
Dave Bliss (none / 0)

Just might kill Ed Hightower in the next ten minutes or so.

by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:15:08 PM EDT
- In that sense he might be an honorary Hawkeye. (none / 0)
  
  Meanwhile, Georgia is D-U-M-E-D doomed.
  
  by Oops Pow Surprise on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:16:38 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Not So Fast (none / 0)
    
    That was a big 3.
    
    by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:19:20 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
  - Not just that, (none / 0)
    
    but I think every school in the B10 and B12 and hell, every other major conference, would probably erect a statue of him and name their courts/arenas after him. Hero.
    
    by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:20:17 PM EDT
    
    [ Parent ]
For the record (none / 0)

I have:

West Virginia -2
Purdue -3
Cal State Fullerton +11.5
UK/Marquette over 129
UK +6.5

That is all.

by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:20:51 PM EDT
"The Ruins" (none / 0)

Ok, I think Hollywood should probably jsut stop making movies altogether.

by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:22:19 PM EDT
- You're sticking to this whole "jsut" thing, huh? (none / 0)
  
  by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:23:11 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
You must be from Utica, huh? (none / 0)

by Bucketochicken on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:28:46 PM EDT
Is Xavier Good? (none / 0)

Was Georgia better than their seeding? Should I be worried about having Xavier in my Elite 8?

by Eubanks on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:44:13 PM EDT
- Be afraid (none / 0)
  
  Be very afraid. I'm already writing off that half of the bracket, especially given the fact the other A-10 team to play just shat the bed against MSU
  
  by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:46:51 PM EDT
  
  [ Parent ]
NEW THREAD (none / 0)

NEW THREAD NEW THREAD NEW THREAD

(Link fixed; sorry for any confusion)

by Hawkeye State on Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 02:49:47 PM EDT
Huh (none / 0)

If Jebus doesn't wear Pants, why is he wearing them in the picture?

by Anonymous Hero on Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 10:02:40 AM EDT
(0 / 0)

by you on soon

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Comments Disabled | 82 comments

BHGP BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: RON ZOOK VS. JEBUS H CHRIST

by jebushchrist Thu Mar 20, 2008 at 11:40:21 AM EDT

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I'm winning! (none / 0)

Open Thread (none / 0)

IT'S COMING... (none / 0)

[scary heartbeat sound] (none / 0)

[Timpani roll] (none / 0)

[cuckoo clock chiming] (none / 0)

Is zooker even awake yet? (none / 0)

Zooker does not sleep (none / 0)

I tip over too (none / 0)

Games tip in 5 minutes (none / 0)

YEAH (none / 0)

We're all thankful (none / 0)

JHC + latrine = crazy delicious (none / 0)

I turn on the tv (none / 0)

That's why (none / 0)

Hightower! (none / 0)

did you know... (none / 0)

Congrats (none / 0)

Disagree (none / 0)

dmbmeg has... (none / 0)

AH has... (none / 0)

gross. (none / 0)

HATE (none / 0)

I only get audio :( (none / 0)

I quit my job (none / 0)

Did you grab any fries for the rest of us (none / 0)

I work in fashion (none / 0)

Just watch (none / 0)

Yes (none / 0)

No spellcheck either. Sad. (none / 0)

In moments like that (none / 0)

yes (none / 0)

and me. (none / 0)

"jsut" (none / 0)

i love me (none / 0)

Eventually (none / 0)

Hawkian, schmawkian (none / 0)

MSU (none / 0)

looks like i'm gonna be 3-3 at the half (none / 0)

whoa, nobody got Portland State-Kansas right (none / 0)

OPS STOP BEING BITTER (none / 0)

The Triscuit box did (none / 0)

The correct nomenclature would be 3 and 0 (none / 0)

Unless she picked both teams to win (none / 0)

fuck off dude (none / 0)

Hermaphrodite? (none / 0)

what the fuck are you talking about? (none / 0)

easy now, kids (none / 0)

JHC: He was for Herms before he was against them. (none / 0)

Um... (none / 0)

Actually... (none / 0)

If we didn't intentionally misinterpret (none / 0)

But calling somebody a hermaphrodite isn't funny (none / 0)

Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't (none / 0)

But (none / 0)

True that (none / 0)

For the record (none / 0)

No No No No No (none / 0)

why's everyone so silent? (none / 0)

Entertained by what? (none / 0)

why's everyone voting for the Zook? (none / 0)

i'm done. (none / 0)

Don't leave Meg! (none / 0)

and fuck you for reminding me (none / 0)

Somebody went to Juilliard! (none / 0)

I loved him (none / 0)

He was better as Sgt. Apone (none / 0)

damn (none / 0)

You know (none / 0)

about fuckin time (none / 0)

Dave Bliss (none / 0)

In that sense he might be an honorary Hawkeye. (none / 0)

Not So Fast (none / 0)

Not just that, (none / 0)

For the record (none / 0)