we're off! As they were waiting to go onto the field, Tressel was absolutely bouncing with anticipation. HIS SWEATERVEST NEARLY CAME UNTUCKED!
It was epic.

Looks like speed wasn't an issue there for Beanie Wells as he hit the hole and outran the secondary of LSU.
Geaux Buckeyes!!!
7-0

LSU needs points here.
/Madden

Ted Ginn Jr. is there to make the Buckeyes think fondly of last year's game when he scored then got hurt celebrating and missed the rest of the game.
Welcome to the party, Jr.
Asshole.

Ohio State shoots themself in the foot after a great play. 2nd & 10 from the LSU 15.

Horrible formation by tOSU - empty backfield on 3rd & 4 from the 9, thus allowing LSU to stand in a zone and wait for Boeckman to clumsily plod into them. Wow, that was stupid.
They settle for a FG.
I won't forget that call.
10-0, OSU

"The first 1st down was key for LSU. Now they need to score points."
/ announcer dude channeling Madden

Is about to fumble, since the announcers just said he never fumbles.

Ohio State's D looks like a team that hasn't played a game in 6 weeks - guys are just standing around looking for someone else to do their job.

another terrible formation, this time by the OSU D. LSU had 3rd & 1 from the 14 and the Buckeyes had splits on their D line you could drive a truck through. They literally created a hole for LSU to run through.
Snap out of it, Tressel, the game is happening right now! COME ON!

LSU runs a worthless play (after a timeout) on 3rd & 13, settling for a FG.
10-3, OSU

Is creaming in their pants right now at the possibilities of QB ball suckage. Next weekend they have Favre, Romo, and bad Manning to talk about.
Note to self: stay away from Fox pre-game shows next weekend.

Ohio State punts, misses a couple tackles, then LSU's return guy (Jones? I think) fumbles. After a scramble, LSU recovers it... and then LSU inexplicably taunts after recovering their own fumble. I think they just broke new ground in taunting. I don't believe I've ever seen a guy completely uninvolved in a play taunt his opponent after a teammate scrambles to recover a fumble.
Noice!

Hester just trucked OSU's safety, leaving him in a heap on the ground.
Ohio State looks tired and we're 30 seconds into the 2nd qtr.

Makes me look smart by committing personal fouls, out of laziness and fatigue, on consecutive plays, leaving LSU with 1st & goal.

Let the beatings begin.

LSU scores an uncontested TD on 1st & goal.
10-10.

Ohio State needs to get their second wind and regroup fast, or they're going to get humiliated.

Beanie Wells just fucking electrocuted Chevis Jackson with a stiff arm, literally knocking him to the ground, and continuing for another smooth 20+ yard run.
Thing is, the Buckeyes need to take their time here on this drive, to give their bewildered D a breather.

and OSU gets ANOTHER personal foul called on them, moving them back to midfield.
Jesus Christ, guys, get your shit correct.
For fuck's sake.

Just dropped a TD. Nice play by LSU.

is anyone here besides jebushchrist?

hello? is this thing on? [taps mic]

The Buckeyes. Are you kidding me with this shit? They're the #1 defense in the country, they've had 6 weeks to prepare, and LSU doesn't even have a good offense. This is an absolute embarrassment.

Is Jamarcus Russell planning on hosting Supermarket Sweep later tonight?

Nice sweater, man.

And way to annunciate on tv.

have no idea what Jamarcus Russell just said. Not a word.

why does every student at Trinity look like they just were greeted by the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol?

Perrillouxoux is in the game. Not what the Buckeyes needed to see.

Again, with the 4 foot splits between D linemen from tOSU on 3rd & 1.
Make it stop.

again, with the splits in short yardage

Does OSU not have someone in the booth? I mean, someone's lookin' at the 22, right?

T.O.D. - 9:37 CST.
Cause of death - sloth

I'm not wearing any pants.

Anyone who watched this "game" with any knowledge at all will know this has nothing to do with speed.
If someone tries to say this was about SEC speed, you can stop arguing with them because they're a fool and not worth arguing with.

Call by the official.
OSU is due for a personal foul, no?

gooooo for it!

Call by OSU. Run right at Dorsey on 3rd & 1?

catch by Robiskie.

Just got JACKED UP!
Wow, he crumpled like Tyler Donovan there. Ouch.

Someone remind me to watch the Terminator show.
I'm sure I won't see another commercial for it before it airs.

jebus, what was that about declaring a time of death?

Actually looks pretty good. It beats the shit out of American Gladiators.

They were the first with refrigerated railcars?! I'm switching to Bud Diesel right fucking now!

did anyone see Boeckman get fucking clotheslined and fly through the air?

the crunchy/chewy/cheesy/melty wife!

If anyone needs a divorce, it is that guy.

If not, well, he totally should.

Or he could back the team up five and do that. That too.

I think LSU is totally fine with trading a first down for 90 seconds, by the way.

That will be just about enough from Ohio State.

(switching to the Colbert Report, lighting a heroin cigarette)

Tell 'em Hawk!

you head out the door, watch the video, it's only about 20 seconds long.

Ohio State is the white dude ;)

is the most joyless gum chewer I've ever seen in my life.

have no recollection of any such game.

Yes. And good riddance.

That was all the work of one extremely bored man.