You Been POSTERIZED!
by chitownhawkeye on Jan 17, 2008 12:57 AM CST
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Print(This absolutely had to get bumped from the diaries, because it's glorious. The image files are giant, so we can't stick them on the front page, but definitely click on Full Story; it's so worth it. --mgmt.)
So I'm in the process of moving, which above all else means that everything gets pulled out and gone through to find out what the hell I have, and then mostly thrown away in a fit of "what the fuck was I keeping this for".
In the back of my closet, there was a packing tube. A heavy one. One that was full.
Of posters.
I'm not normally one to buy or keep random posters, so I immediately went into "what the fuck" mode as I opened it up.
And then it hit me. So I went to Iowa. My brother Daryl went to Iowa. My other brother Daryl* went to Iowa. We have a lot of random Iowa stuff because of this, everything from glasses to shirts to my bumblebee overalls.
Several years ago (ummm...many years ago. Damn I'm old) the younger one was working at the IMU bookstore and towards the end of the year they were cleaning out their inventory of posters. So he took a bunch of the basketball ones for me.
That's what was in the tube. Promotional posters from the late 90s - early 2000s. It's like finding buried treasure. Except it's worth nothing and is mostly goofy looking white guys.
Incorporating computers and bball! Genius!
I just love seeing Dr. Tom as an action figure. Like he's saying, I got yer kung foo grip right here!
White guys apparently can't even pretend to dance. Who the hell thought this was a good idea?
Ahhh! It's [name redacted] (true, this is before we knew what he'd do. Back when we were full of hope for the future. That'll teach us.)
Hmmm...I'm sensing a "game" theme. (this one's my favorite. what the hell is going on? -OPS)
Look! They're turning the ball over! That seems familiar....
Yes. It is our final answer. What was the question again?
I have no idea why this was packed away. Herky needs to be framed and displayed. He must be freeeeeeeee.
And finally, this one was mine. Best road trip I ever took was with said brothers and 3 other friends heading down to the Alamo Bowl. Where we learned several important lessons.
1) Texans can't drive worth a fuck.
2) Kansas is our bitch.
3) LA QUINTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
4) I am not stopping unless a place advertises fireworks, booze and porn.
5) Caravans of Hawk fans freak locals out.
6) We need waffle houses up here. I'm not sure why, but we do.
Damn it was fun looking at these.
*Not their real names. But close enough.
Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.
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Brilliant
Back in '03, I drank at College St. Billiards, among other places. The owner of College St. also owned the Field House, and he had just sold it. A few of my friends and I were charged with taking all the property not subject to the sale across the street, in exchange for which we received all the liquor we could drink on a dreary December Sunday and assorted posters/beer signs from the attic. While my friends gravitated to broken Icehouse neon signs, I grabbed all the Hawkeye basketball posters I could get, including those 4 from the foosball table to the computer. Somewhere, in the process of my subseqent 5 moves, I lost all those posters. I'm still kicking myself.
In any case, brilliant work. And if you make the "trapped in the computer" picture your wallpaper, the space-time continuum may break down.
what of it?
I WON'T tell you about the time I accosted him in Vito's then.
Also, those girls in the miniskirts doing the Macarena are hottt--that's with 3 t's,
Because it's too damn small to read
On the action figure one the names are:
(top tow)
Pam and Shelly "The brains"
Chris Garber "The Man-ager"
(Bottom row - left to right)
Antonio Ramos #42 "The Pain of Spain"
J.R. Koch #44 "Big Bird" (yeah...that seems about right"
Rod Thompson #25 "Lightnin' Rod"
Kent McCausland #32 "The Specimen" (lab? what sort of specimen are we talking here? Actually, judging by the look on his face, I don't want to know)
Ryan Luehrsmann #24 "Captain Lou" (I swear to god, I forgot how hard it is to spell that boys name)
Guy Rucker #13 "G Money"
Kyle Galloway #30 " " (Yes, that's right. Nothing. Just an empty quote. I'm not sure why I find that hilarious. Also, you may not be able to see it, but much like jebushchrist, he isn't wearing any pants. Or anything other than boots. That's just not right)
Dean Oliver #20 "Dino" (Nice wig dude. It's a sweet look)
(below) Zephyr "Kujo"
Jason Bauer #3 "The Blade"
Jason Jaacks #14 "The Jaackal" (and I'll thank you not to keep using vowels willy nilly like that)
Duez Henderson #23 "The Specialist"
Jason Price #11 "The Abbott"
Marcelo Gomes #15 "Go to Gomes"
Jess Settles #4 "The Maximizer" (and he actually has his name on the briefs. Like he'll forget and just look down. OH! That's who I am!)
Joey Range #34 "The Range Rover"
Coach: Dr. Tom Davis "T.D."
by chitownhawkeye on Jan 17, 2008 11:39 AM CST reply actions
holy fucking hell
That adds so much to it. Outfuckingstanding.
by jebushchrist on Jan 17, 2008 11:41 AM CST up reply actions
Joe Joe was the Man
Simply Awesome
by MacG on Jan 17, 2008 12:50 PM CST reply actions
As far as I'm concerned
Any list of all-time great Hawkeyes must included Kent McCausland, just because he was so great in March Madness '99 on Playstation. I have no idea why, but he was completely unstoppable; once you got over the half-court line, pretty much anything he threw up was going in. I averaged over 50 points a game with him.
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Jan 17, 2008 1:45 PM CST reply actions
Pardon me, but
The greatest Hawkeye in video game history is Guy Rucker in whatever year it was on whatever game system it was. He was money. He shot like 90% from the floor.
Life as a G.
by jebushchrist on Jan 17, 2008 3:14 PM CST up reply actions
Kent
This squad could take any hawkeye team. Ever.
PG: Jason Price
SG: Kent Mc.
SF: Guy Rucker (he's a big SF, deal with it)
PF: Greg Helmers
C: Seth Gorney
On top of being the most talented they are also the best looking bunch.
by Boobie Miles on Jan 17, 2008 1:55 PM CST reply actions
Ryan Luehrsmann is outraged!
That you could omit the immortal BRIG TUBBS and Loui Luehrsmann is an affront to Hawkeye basketball history as we know it, sir.
Fine
Then I'll revise with backups:
PG: Jason Price/Monter Glasper/Jason Bauer
SG: Kent Mac/Ryan Louie/Kyle Galloway
SF: Guy Rucker/Josh Kimm/Antonio Ramos
PF: Greg Helmers/Sam Okey/Joe Fermino
C: Seth Gorney/Seth Gorney/Seth Gorney
eat it.
by Boobie Miles on Jan 17, 2008 2:16 PM CST reply actions
PF and C are fine by me
But any Iowa lineup without Wade Lookingbill and Brig Goddamn Tubbs is woefully incomplete.
I do greatly appreciate sticking Ramos at the 3.
And I am a retard
It was supposed to be a picture of Les Jepsen, the greatest of all.
51 forver!!!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 17, 2008 3:44 PM CST up reply actions
He went to the NBA, Focker!
You can't be the most awkward white man in Iowa history and still make it to the next level.
He's still like top 10.
Don't care.
The reason for my Lesismoreitude is really just due to one image. I remember in like, 5th grade, watching the Hawks at home against somebody... We ended up losing by 1, maybe 2 or 3. At any rate, we had to go the length of the floor in 1 or 2 seconds to win (or maybe tie). Somehow, Big Les ended up with the ball at half court (a decision for which I hope someone is STILL running stairs at CHA), with a defender on him. Les, god bless his awkward ass, tried to heave up a prayer. Underhanded. With one hand. It got blocked.
Even at age 11, and even though I fucking idolized all those guys... Man, I'll never forget how jaw-droppingly, hilariously awkward that shot attempt looked. It was some sort of weird, underhanded half-court hook shot attempt, on one leg, sorta' hopping, that goofy floppy bowl-cut bouncing merrily upon his enormous pasty brow.
It was quite a scene, man... From that moment on, whenever I think of Les, that's what I think of. It was brutal. And yet somehow wonderful at the same time.
by Bucketochicken on Jan 17, 2008 4:55 PM CST up reply actions
simply....
amazing. That story just started by day off right.
by Boobie Miles on Jan 18, 2008 7:10 AM CST up reply actions
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