This isn't a boycott; this is a MAN-cott!
by Adam Jacobi on Nov 30, 2007 11:55 AM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
Email
Print
Do you think we're joking, Outback Bowl? Hawkeye Nation doesn't joke. Ever. When Matt Roth said "Three words: Iowa Hawkeyes" on SportsCenter, we petitioned the President of Numbers to make that an accurate statement. Turns out there isn't even a Department of Numbers! I mean, what the hell, here I thought numbers were important because they're in math!
But I digress.
We've heard nothing but silence from the Outback Bowl and the Tampa Bay Convention and Visitors Bureau in the wake of yesterday's earth-shattering announcement. Frankly, we're not surprised. BHGP staff again tried to contact the local Outback Steakhouse for comment, and the representative threatened to "get [her] manager." Nice, Outback. Very classy. We then asked if they had Prince Albert in a can, upon which they hung up on us.
They can pretend that they don't hear us. They can pretend our sanctions won't cripple the economy of the Tampa-St. Petersburg metropolitan area. They can act as if they can resist our demands to put Iowa in the Outback Bowl. They'll have no choice when we amp this thing up to a MAN-COTT.
So, Hawkeye Nation, not only should you stay away from Tampa on January 1, but it's time to take the fight to Outback Steakhouse as well. Or more accurately, take it from them. That's right. It's time to expand the January 1 man-cott to the overpriced, faux-Australian restauranteurs. Who are stupid. So on New Year's Day, stay home. Don't eat their "blooming onions*." Don't eat steaks that have been needlessly sullied with bleu cheese. And definitely don't eat desserts that were named after Joe Tiller-level gastrointestinal hell (we're looking at you, Chocolate Thunder From Down Under).
You can end the onslaught, Outback Bowl. Do what's right. Rescind the invitation to Wisconsin and honor the Hawkeyes. Otherwise, we will not back down.
*They aren't even really in bloom. They're just fried. Fuckin' liars.
19 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Wasn't it...
"Two words: Iowa Hawkeye football."
And, yeah, fuck Outback Steakhouse. Their "No rules, just right" policies have gone too far.
Oh yeah? Well...
It's time for more boycotting, motherfuckers!
We're sucking our way to Texas.
by Run Up The Score on Nov 30, 2007 5:50 PM CST up reply actions
FUCK OUTBACK!!
Fuck Fosters.
Fuck marsupials.
Fuck the Opera House, fuck didgeridoos, and fuck toilets that flush in the wrong direction.
Bindi, you're cool. The rest of you, go die.
Strange.
I've never heard the words "too much" and "Colbert Report" used in the same sentence before.
FUCK THAT!!!
Tonight we dine in HELL bitches. WHOSE WITH ME???!!!
Anyone?
No?
Well dammit.
by MissouriHawk on Nov 30, 2007 4:47 PM CST up reply actions
Steak
Uh, just so I'm prepared, are we going to man-cott Lone Star Steakhouse when the Alamo Bowl doesn't invite us either, cause that pretty much represents the options I have for steakhouses...
dudes...
Outback Steakhouse (mmm....best cheesefries ever) is all I have in this cold, cruel city I live in. Don't take that away from me.
Also, there is no Chili's in Manhattan. Where the hell am I supposed to go...Per Se? Le Bernardin? Babbo?
Also also, my parents have a condo in St. Petersburg. Why can't this be the Motor City Bowl we are boycotting? I can boycott Detroit (pronounced Day-twa)all day long.
We can
make our own meth. And use Bill Callahan for all our unemployement needs
by chitownhawkeye on Nov 30, 2007 4:33 PM CST up reply actions
Too far
Look, here, Oops Pow Surprise (if that's even your real name), I was willing to give up the city of Tampa. Sure, it wasn't easy, but that's how much I love this team! But if you're asking me to give up the delicious authentic Australian cuisine of the Outback Steakhouse, well, you've gone to far. I won't do it, do you understand me?! I won't! I can't! You can have my blooming onion when you pry it from my cold, dead, grease covered hands.
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Nov 30, 2007 9:46 PM CST reply actions
This
is a bannable offense. I'm sorry, Adam (if that's even your real name). You have to pick a side. The Hawkeyes and humanity or onions.
by jebushchrist on Dec 1, 2007 12:01 AM CST up reply actions
Not just any onions!
BLOOMING Onions! It's completely different. Have you HAD a Blooming Onion, jebus? I can't imagine you have, because if you had, you wouldn't be asking for such an unresonable sacrifice. Here I am minding my own business, and suddenly I'm caught in a middle of a war, where I'm forced to choose between my love of the Hawkeyes and my love of deliciously fried onion products. Well, jebus, I can't make such a choice. An Adam divided cannot stand.
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Dec 1, 2007 2:02 AM CST reply actions
Sir.
Though you are impeccably named, I must remind you that a nations' devotion to liberty is not measured by its reliance on easy decisions.
Our liberties we prize and our rights as Hawkeyes we shall maintain!
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Black Heart Gold Pants
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
