A Nation's Love of Free Shrimp Depends on Iowa

#TEAMSHRIMP

What's riding on the Outback Bowl this year?

Oh, not much -- just pride, a chance to put a dent in SEC pride, and a shot at a 9-win season (and likely Top 25 ranking) for Iowa, to say nothing of the benefits of heading into the off-season with a win over a top-15 opponent.

.Well, all that and free shrimp (or free Bloomin' Onions) for America.

Americans in need of heavily-breaded free shrimp are reliant on an Iowa win on January 1st against LSU and their legions of Bloomin' Onion supporters. Iowa cannot let America down in its time of need. Americans need -- nay, demand -- free shrimp to ring in 2014, the Year of the Shrimp. (Well, not really: 2014 is actually the Year of the Horse according to the Chinese zodiac, but shrimp are basically the horses of the sea, right? Right? Maybe we should just move on from this point.)

And if you're thinking, "Hey, Ross, wouldn't it make a lot more sense if Outback was offering some sort of steak giveaway if Iowa won this game, what with Outback being a steakhouse and all and Iowa being well-known for its beef production and not so much for its shrimp production," look, you can just take your logic and shove it over there, okay? We're #TEAMSHRIMP and we're just going to have to deal with it. We could be in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl and we'd probably be in some sort of #TeamTeriyaki versus #TeamMangoHabanero sauce war.

On Iowa. Go Hawks. #TEAMSHRIMP

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