[A-bump. Bump. Bumpity bump. A-bump bump bumpity bump. -- PTV]

Chapter Four: The Corpse in the Copse

I awoke the following morning with such a sense of foreboding as I had not experienced since I was on campaign in the Kush. The events of the previous night had well robbed me of a peaceful sleep and my own nerves, which had served as faithful faculty on many previous Holmesian adventures, were in outright, tremulous rebellion. The day was calm and moist. The early spring air seeped into my bones and only exacerbated the shaking first caused by my neurotic affliction. I found Holmes in the common room; he was staring rather intently at a set of chess that was placed on the desk near a great window.

"What do you think of these pieces, Watson?" Holmes called out without turning away from the object of his question. "Peculiar, are they not?"

Eager for reprieve from my own depressed thoughts, I walked to where Holmes was standing and attempted a feat of observation for which my companion was well known and I, myself, had gained some skill.

"I see nothing peculiar. They are of the Staunton design and appear perfectly regular examples of Jacques' fine craftsmanship." I said in a rather defeated tone.

"Quite right, Watson. To a man suffering infirmity of the eye or to a simple child these pieces would be exactly as you have said."

"Holmes! Really, I must protest!"

"However, to a trained eye, one familiar with the equine nostril flare specific to over one hundred and twenty different master chess designers, this set is an obvious, ill-executed forgery."

My companion rattled on regarding the intricacies of the St. George carving style, but I had ceased to listen. It was clear that Holmes was exhibiting the same diversionary train of thought that had oft times served to relieve his mind during a stressful case. That we did not have his chemical apparatuses available to occupy him and smother me in fumes was something for which I was exceedingly grateful.

"Shall we proceed to breakfast Holmes? I am sure that our guests will be waiting for us."

"Yes, of course Watson."

We entered the HotelVetro's dining room and met Mssrs. Podolak and Dolphin and Ms. Conners. The mood of the gentlemen appeared much improved from the previous night, as they both, following our greeting, embarked on a surprisingly jovial, salutatory circuit of the hotel's other patrons.

"It seems that the pillow has worked its somnial wonder yet again. Our friends seem refreshed anew." Said Holmes.

"Alas, that is only partly true, Mr. Holmes. They are brave men and in the light of day they may act as they once were, but their own brightness does not last. This malignancy hangs about us like a dense fog and it is inescapable. It is a villainous hand that blinds and wounds, but has, itself, no form to behold and no heart to strike." Replied Ms. Conners with a sad desperation in her eyes.

"There is no denying the truth of what you have said; nevertheless, I hold that even in the deep of earth the spring knows there is light and seeks its warmth and so must you my dear." Said Holmes, displaying a depth of compassion starkly absent from his usual calculative process.

This kindness was short-lived, as a clamor near the hotel's lobby drew our attention. In my haste to investigate the commotion I walked squarely into detective Brewster, who was in a state of intense agitation.

"Mr. Holmes, where is he? I must speak with him."

"What is it my good man? What could have you in such a fluster?"

"Mr. Holmes? I must speak with him, Mr. Watson. It is of the utmost importance."

"I am here Mr. Brewster. What is the matter, dear man? You have disrupted our breakfast"

"Mr. Holmes, there has been a development." Said Detective Brewster. By this time, Mssrs. Podolak and Dolphin had returned to the table to learn more of what had caused such tumult in the dining room. "A body has been found and I believe it is connected to our case."

Continue reading this post »

It's not Flash Dance! It's straight flash mobbin'!

Iowa Basketball Flash Mob (via hawkeyesportstv)

Cyclone fan here. We just lost a RB, Duck Hollis. Rhoads booted him this morning for some undisclosed fuck up. I guess he failed his third piss test, but its just a guess. Between this, and you guys swiping Barkley Hill, perhaps he's (AIRBHG) found a new target to satisfy his unqeunchable blood lust.

Rejoice, Hawkeye friends. Perhaps being an Iowa RB is no longer a more hazardous occupation than bashing the skins for Spinal Tap.

EEEEEEEEEE

I think we're going to try the same approach that we did last week: we'll just use this thread for Hamsterdam throughout the week and keep bumping it every evening. That seemed to work pretty well. If y'all are chattier this week we'll make more threads.

The standard rules of open threading apply: no links to illegal online streams, no porn, no religion, no politics, no slurs, no douchebaggery.

The North team beat the South team, 23-13, on Saturday, in Mobile, Alabama. All the Iowa and Iowa State guys were on the North team. The North was coached by the Minnesota Vikings' staff, the South by the Washington Redskins' staff. NFL Network announcers were Paul Burmeister, Charles Davis, and Mike Mayock. Sideline reporters were Heath Evans (former Auburn player and NFL player), and the super-sexy Rebecca Haarlow (rooowwwwww).

via www.sidelinehotties.com

Marvin McNutt looked pretty shitty in Saturday's game (with some help from Russell Wilson's inaccuracy). He did not technically start, although I believe he was being thrown to in the first or second offensive series by the North team. He did line up in the slot at times. McNutt had no catches, and only a couple of targets, and the North "only" threw it 30 times compared to the South team throwing it 45 times.

Brian Quick of Appy State and TJ Graham of Stanford started ahead of McNutt. A kid from Arizona State named Gerell Robinson looked like the best WR for the North, and the top two WRs for the South (Juron Criner of Arizona and Joe Adams of Arkansas) both had considerably better stats than anyone on the North.

However, some people said McNutt really looked good in the week of practice, so who knows if NFL guys will give more credence to the practice week or the game.

http://www.sbnation.com/2012-nfl-draft/2012/1/27/2752735/2012-senior-bowl-brandon-weeden-chris-rainey-marvin-mcnutt

Mike Daniels compiled no stats, and I don't even think he got into the game. I wonder if he was injured?

Iowa State's Kelechi Osemele was chastised by the announcing crew for holding once. (In fairness, his opponents - The South team - had a defensive line that was being lauded even before the game started). In the second half, he was also praised by Mike Mayock for what I thought was a pretty standard block (and may have also been a hold). ISU's Leonard Johnson missed a tackle on Joe Adams (the game's best WR in terms of stats) in the second half that was criticized by the announcers. Johnson later had a pass breakup that could have been an interception for a long return, and Mayock called him out for it, too. Johnson and Osemele did not start, but Osemele played some in both halves.

In the second half, Mike Mayock did a graphic of the 12 players (6 from each squad) he thought "made more money" from this week. No Iowa or ISU players were on the list.

You can find the stats at this link:

http://www.seniorbowl.com/files/SRBOWL.HTM#GAME.IND

Oh, Robbie Findley...

Here's your open thread for tonight, tomorrow, and really the entire weekend, most likely. We'll have open threads for the Iowa-Minnesota dual meet and the Iowa-Indiana basketball game on Sunday.

The standard open thread rules apply: no links to illegal online streams, no porn, no religion, no politics, no slurs, no douchebaggery.

So, this sucks:

http://deadspin.com/5879984/cbs-fires-the-guy-who-reported-joe-paternos-death-before-it-happened

https://twitter.com/#!/Adam_Jacobi/statuses/162967663788826625

I'm just a fan, and I haven't been here since the beginning, but I have been around long enough to appreciate Adam Jacobi for his BHGP work, twitter feed, and work at CBS. I also certainly think his talents could be better used than a reporting gig, but it's not like I'm in a position to hire columnists or anything. I hope someone else is though, and if nothing else that the community he contributed to here serves as a massive letter of reference in his favor.

If you love the hawkeyes like I do, you know how much they care about sick kids. The stories of the players and coaches visiting the children's hospital melt my heart. That's why this year, I am once again, participating in the Ladies Football Academy. This is a chance for women to have a day of playing at Kinnick AND raise money for the Iowa Children's Hospital.

Join the Hawks and help Iowa's sick kids, learn more about this cause and donate here: http://www.givetoiowa.org/lfa/sdroste

Remember anything helps and GO HAWKS!

(WEDNESDAY EDIT: Yeah, sure, let's just use this for tonight, too. -- Ross)

(TUESDAY EDIT: Just use this thread for tonight, too. Tonight is the State of the Union address, but please remember our "no politics" rule. Take your burning SOTU comments to Twitter or another forum, please. But all your "Party Rock Anthem" comments are more than welcome here. -- Ross)

It's one of those nights, okay? Okay.

Here's Hamsterdam thread for all your off-topic pleasures tonight and tomorrow. There's... stuff on TV.

The standard open thread rules apply: no links to illegal online streams, no porn, no religion, no politics, no slurs no douchebaggery.

[While we pull ourselves together after a weekend of general malaise, read another remarkably well-done fanpost from Lycurgus. -- PV]

Chapter Three: The Lady, The Loquace, and The Lout

Our quest to seek out Mr. Brands met with a small hindrance, as we found that he had abandoned his office for the afternoon and had engaged his athletes in intense training in the arena. Nevertheless, we were able to locate our quarry with small delay and continue on our mission. We found Mr. Brands in Carver Hawkeye Arena, at the top of a large stadium bowl. The contemplative, worried man we had met in London was nowhere to be seen; he had been replaced by a great, fearsome bear who seemed to be preparing for a battle of such singular ferocity that it would have Mars yield before its end. In those first minutes, as we approached, Mr. Brands was not aware of our presence and we were able to observe the man as he assaulted his charges, a rather dour-faced group of youths I must say, with the most caustic of verbal utterance and wild gesticulation. From this display I was struck by the curious fact that, though his words themselves were not indecent, his delivery rendered the whole impressive reproach positively obscene. I could only marvel at the frustration that was borne out before us, but, before we could hear more, a sideways glance from one of his hulking, humbled grapplers betrayed our presence and put an end to the spectacle. Mr. Brands turned and, seeing Holmes and me, his look of anger broke and was replaced by a slight half-smile, more an indication of mischievous pleasure than an appreciation of the warm bonds of manly kinship.

"Ah, gentlemen. It is good to see you again. Why don't we step away from the training, so that we might speak in peace?"

"My dear Mr. Brands, you seem very much at odds with the day. I fear we have chosen a particularly poor time to approach you." Holmes stated.

Mr. Brands laughed deeply and replied "Not at all. Not at all my friends. In fact, as you see me here I am very much more myself than that whimpering fool you met in England."

"Then things here are on the mend?" I asked.

"Oh dear no, my good fellow. Very much the opposite. We have performed poorly in three contests and quite badly in one since our last meeting. This is a most distressing predicament in which we find ourselves."

"Then, I do not understand your improvement in mood." I replied.

"My dear Dr. Watson, my mood seems improved for two important reasons. First, I am doing what I love, what gives me breath, what nourishes my very soul. Second, I recognize the same fire in others and I see it here in your companion, Mr. Holmes. I do not doubt that you will succeed in solving this mystery and help to return us to the glory which we have held dear for so long."

Holmes smiled at this, a public recognition of his abilities. "Mr. Brands, you are most kind. The tenacity which you display in such abundance will be, I think, very useful in furthering our cause. Now sir, I need from you a history of events, as you may recount them."

"Certainly, where should I begin."

"Begin with the circumstances surrounding your installment as head wrestling coach at The University of Iowa."

"As you say, Mr. Holmes. I was a three-time national champion here at the University of Iowa and, following my days as a student, I served as an assistant coach under my mentor, Mr. Dan Gable. I believed I was destined to be the future head coach for the Hawkeyes, but once my mentor retired I was maintained as an assistant to his successor, Coach Jim Zalesky, an extremely well-accomplished wrestler in his own right. You might say that Coach Zalesky and I did not agree on the direction of the program and, in 2004, I left to become the head coach at Virginia Tech University. In so doing, I took a number of highly talented athletes with me. Upon my departure, the success of the Iowa program continued to decline in such a way that was anathema to most Iowa fans and alumni. Eventually, the losses became too much and Coach Zalesky was fired, with myself as his replacement. The first year of my head coaching tenure at Iowa we finished eighth in the nation and that was followed by three straight first place finishes. Last year we finished third and this year I am worried that we will not be in the top five. It is most troubling."

Continue reading this post »