IT'S COMING... [scary heartbeat sound]

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 12:58 PM CST in News

Marchifornication is coming and you're powerless to stop it. Don't be scurrred - the best way to handle something that's dangerous and morally wrong is to join up, like a street gang. February was the greatest and best month in BHGP history [other than January.--ed.] and March is going to slap the shit out of February, so, mount up, guys and dolls, because now this is happenin'.

What is Marchifornication, JHC?

I can't tell you everything yet, but let me just say that Marchifornication will be the greatest and best month in Sports Blog History. [oh dear.--ed.] There will be gambling, outlandish claims of superiority, daily posts [um... have you talked to OPS about this?--ed.] [I don't have to talk to him! I'm the founder of this site!.--JHC.] [ Co-founder, and infrequent contributor.--ed.] [I comment!--JHC.] [this is gonna be grand...--ed.] [OH! IT WILL BE! IT WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!--JHC.] [gotcha.--ed.], liveblogs, comment thread slap fights, recipes, blog wars, and no pants, at all.
I've already said too much. More details later.

JHC

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Comments

What the hell are you doing?!

The Marchifornication Papers are still classified! You fool!

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 1:07 PM CST 0 recs

shhhhhh

Don't worry your pretty little head about this.
It'll be fine.

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 1:18 PM CST 0 recs

does

Marchifornication only include "dialogues" between jebushchrist and his editor?

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 1:28 PM CST 0 recs

that's part of it

But there will be so much more. We're not really sure yet, because I just made it up today.

But there will be an NCAA Tournament Pool here at BHGP, know that.

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 1:35 PM CST 0 recs

sweet

YOU WILL ALL LOSE.

My brackets are like WMD's. Just throwing that out there.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:00 PM CST up 0 recs

Non-existent?

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:03 PM CST up 0 recs

Damn you. Damn you so hard.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:05 PM CST up 0 recs

Hans Blix has been searching for them since 2003?

Blowing up in your face to catastrophic consequences?
Capable of melting eyeballs?
Enough to make Colin Powell quit?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:04 PM CST up 0 recs

you are all jerks

I hate every single last one of you and look forward to winning this god damn thing.

Then I'm gonna take over BHGP and put vaginas, rainbows, and pictures of Brad Pitt all over it or something.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:11 PM CST up 0 recs

then

I will have Celine Dion playing on a loop when new visitors come.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:15 PM CST up 0 recs

and then...

I'll throw tampons on all of your lawns so when it rains, they expand.

Super Plus absorbancy too.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:16 PM CST up 0 recs

Vaginas, rainbows, Brad Pitt pictures & tampons?

We call that Tuesday.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 29, 2008 2:28 PM CST up 0 recs

If I didn't know better

I'd swear you were asking for a Photoshop of a rainbow coming out of Brad Pitt's vagina.

(furiously searching Google Images)

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:47 PM CST up 0 recs

Or possibly

Brad Pitt extracting a rainbow-colored tampon from Celine Dion's vagina, and using it to absorb all teh water off of Andie MacDowell's lawn.

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:49 PM CST up 0 recs

That sounds like a very, very busy Photoshop.

It would need different panels at the very least.

I think the one with Celine Dion's vagina would have to be our site logo for a day. I'm sure SBN wouldn't mind.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:54 PM CST up 0 recs

Wait, wait, wait -

You mean that's not Celine Dion's vagina up there?

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:58 PM CST up 0 recs

That's one hell of a clitoris.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 3:00 PM CST up 0 recs

I believe that

several panels in sequence would be required, thus making is a "cartoon."

Unfortunately, the montage mentioned above was already conceived by Charles Shultz in a 1998 Peanuts cartoon - link below

Wait for Sundays - cartoons in color! (oops, forgot - newspapers are dead).

www.notreallyareallinktoanypeanutsca...

by hdhawk on Feb 29, 2008 4:02 PM CST up 0 recs

That's ridiculous

Hans Blix was eaten by Kim Jong Il's sharks four years ago.

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:29 PM CST up 0 recs

Ah, Hans Brix! So good to seer you!

Three years of law school, and my best grade came on a 40-page paper on the ineptitude of the UN where I quoted that scene, word-for-word. The professor wrote, "Lacking in substance, but I loved it."

In other words, it was the BHGP of legal analysis.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 29, 2008 2:32 PM CST up 0 recs

Marchifornification hasn't even started!

and things are already spiralling out of control.
I knew it was genius.

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 2:19 PM CST 0 recs

excuse me

referencing feminine products does not mean things are "spiralling out of control"

Thankyouverymuch.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:21 PM CST up 0 recs

no

it was Celine.

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 2:33 PM CST up 0 recs

Once more,

dmbmeg has opened the door to complete thread anarchy.

This makes our liveblogs look like Sunday Mass.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:51 PM CST up 0 recs

We should quietly judge her

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:53 PM CST up 0 recs

hmmmmph

I make this blog GOOD, yo.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:57 PM CST up 0 recs

[waits resignedly for Vicki Lawrence photo]

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 2:58 PM CST up 0 recs

by Bucketochicken on Feb 29, 2008 2:59 PM CST up 0 recs

shutup anonymous

I will banish you to a Groundhog's Day like existence.

Except instead of waking up to Andy McDowell in Punxsutawney, you will wake up much worse....a full-time student at THE Ohio State University.

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:24 PM CST 0 recs

is

jebushchrist posting anonymously now?

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:26 PM CST 0 recs

No need to

The JHC Army is long and strong, and they gotta get their friction on.

by jebushchrist on Feb 29, 2008 2:35 PM CST up 0 recs

uh...

Did you just quote Baby Got Back in reference to your "fans" devotion?

by dmbmeg on Feb 29, 2008 2:41 PM CST up 0 recs

Dial 1-800-JEBUSHCHRIST

and that's way too many letters. You'd probably end up calling Slovenia.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 29, 2008 2:45 PM CST up 0 recs

I did now, sucka

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!