Kirk Ferentz receives some news that will ruin his Friday.
What's that all about?
I don't know but he's been doing it all morning.
Hey boss man, do you want to go over some of these new plays. I think I've figured out a way for five different receivers to run five different out-routes.
Hey, we might need that on third down. If we need seven yards, well... I'm now giving you five guys who can get six.
Yeah yeah, sounds wonderful.
Greg walks back to the group of coaches.
This is pretty darn somber, even for him.
I know, I tried to cheer him up by talking about how good our defensive line has looked in the weight room and he just stared right through me.
Yeah, all I did was mention our surplus of punters. And he just started welling up, it... it... it got awkward.
This is serious, we need to bring in a professional.
One hour later
Kirk, I understand you've been a little down in the dumps today. That's just not like you, can you tell me what's eating at you?
Is it money? I can get you more.
It's not the money.
Trouble at home?
No, my home life is great.
Is this because I've sold the naming rights of the stadium to the Iowa Lottery? Yes, yes, it sounds bad now, but teams are going to hate having to play at the Powerbowl.
Wait, what? No... no, it's not that.
Then what? C'mon Kirk, after all we've been through, you can tell me.
Fine! You want to know why I'm down, why I'm angry, why I'm depressed, here it is.
Kirk whips a crumpled up piece of paper to the ground.
Gary reads the top. Ray Guy Award watch list? He smooths out the paper. This is what got you upset, a list of punters?
Just read the list.
Tom Hackett... Thomas Hibbard... Taylor Hudson... Sam Irwin-Hill... Am I supposed to see a pattern here? Is this about the initials — three THs. So what?
Do you know who is not listed here.
Gary skims the list and it dawns on him. He frowns.
There's not a Hawkeye.
No *chokes back a sob* there's not.
Oh, Kirk I'm so sorry.
It's like... what did we do wrong? I give my punters every chance in the world - I punt from inside the 40, I sign multiple punters to scholarships. Punting IS winning! So why aren't we listed among the winners.
Now, now. Remember this is just a watch list, things change.
Wait, that's right.
Yeah, we could have somebody play right into contention.
Oh and we will. Nobody is going to punt better, nobody is going to punt more and nobody is going to punt closer to the end zone then us. We will right this wrong, I promise you that.
Head held high, Ferentz walks proudly out of the office.
(calling after him) Go get ‘em Kirk. Go get ‘em.
Wait! Wait! If you could hold off on announcing that Powerbowl thing, that would be great. Go get ‘em.